Chapter 52

Gray

Am I escaping Paula like a coward? Maybe. But it’s too hard to face her right now when all my memories from the past are pouring back into the present. When I first saw Hailey, when I felt that pull in my heart, when I knew she was the one—and when I woke up in sweat and vomit in the healers’ cabin, surrounded by the light of candles and the smell of herbs.

I can barely remember my sister’s voice now.

My throat clenches around a sick feeling, and I lean on the sink, staring down until drops of water from my hair blur my vision. The marks on my back are itchy as if the wolf spirit suddenly wants to scratch them off my skin. They will remain there forever, the scars from Hailey’s curse.

I take a deep breath and look up at myself in the mirror. Why do I keep thinking about this? Paula is still in the room, waiting for me, and I

shake off the memories and go back to her—and okay, maybe she isn’t waiting for me at all.

“Are you leaving?” I ask in surprise, halting on the doorstep of the bathroom. As it turns out, Paula has already gotten dressed and is fixing her hair by the window. As soon as I walk in, she turns to me with an apologetic smile and a shrug.

“Yeah, the office is open while I’m here. Wouldn’t want Hank to barge in without—”

As soon as I hear the stupid name, I tense up and the wolf’s displeasure rises in my throat with a low rumble. It doesn’t seem to impress Paula though. She only chuckles with a teasing glint in her eyes, her voice almost cooing as she murmurs, “Oh, I didn’t mean to upset the beast.”

Paula does her best to show her usual self, but I can sense that something is off. It’s almost as if she’s nervous to be in my presence, and the thought makes me frown. Is it because of my past? Is she gonna avoid me now? It feels wrong, because I do want to spend more time with Paula —but I can’t help the wolf’s tension. It’s cautious again, reminding me about the marks on my back that remind me of the last time I trusted a witch.

I hesitate, looking at her with unfocused eyes, unsure if I should invite Paula to come back to me after her shift—and the moment slips away.

“Well, I’ll see you around.” She winks at me as soon as our eyes meet and turns to the door. My gaze remains fixed on her, the urge to make her stay growing and shrinking with every breath, and maybe she feels that. Maybe she can sense something because just before she leaves, Paula glances at me over her shoulder. “Just don’t avoid me again, okay?”

I barely catch the seriousness of her voice before Paula walks out, not waiting for my answer. The wolf spirit in my chest fidgets restlessly, torn between the desire to follow her and the desire to escape into the woods, hiding from my feelings and whatever is growing between us. It is exactly because of the urge to stay closer to her that I feel the need to run away. Because there are too many questions and doubts in my mind.

What if she hurts me? What if her magic wakes up the curse?

Because there’s something I haven’t told Paula—Hailey’s poison is still imprinted in my skin, sealed in the wounds on my back with the magic of my wolf spirit. So if anything goes wrong with the spirit, I’ll become a threat to myself and my family. The prospect isn’t pretty, huh?

I busy myself and go to fix the bed, but the sheets still carry Paula’s scent, its sweet notes heavy with hormones and sex and laced with my own. My thoughts return to our kisses and touches, to the warmth of her body accepting me, her moans echoing in my ears and sending a shiver down my arms. God, how could something that feels so good be dangerous?

I slump down on the bed, pushing my fingers through my hair. My muscles are aching pleasantly, my mind intoxicated with Paula’s scent, and my heart is beating faster and faster, but…Didn’t it feel good back then too? Wasn’t Hailey just as caring, as sweet? Didn’t she talk about a special connection between us?

I hide my face in my palms, trying to make sense of my feelings, memories of the two of them mixing in my head. Paula has no reason to betray me—but she’s a descendant of the witches that built Raywald. The ones that were hunting down local shapeshifters for decades after they’d decided to settle down. Their magic was as strong as their hatred, and their curses are so wicked they still find a way to harm us.

What if Paula decides to follow the path set out by her grandparents? What if all of her smirks and kisses are just a pretense to get closer to me and my family?

The questions sting my mind, clenching my chest tight around my feverish heart, and I groan and push myself to my feet. It’s already too late to help at the settlement, but I need to get away from the motel, Raywald, and Paula. The traces of her presence are too distracting to keep my mind clear.

I don’t need anything but my clothes and room keys, so a minute later I leave the room. The sun is already leaning toward the horizon, but the day is still warm and bright. I take a look around, and my eyes are inevitably pulled to the administration office. The door is closed, and the old Chevrolet is gone. So Hank left? That’s good. I lick my lips and linger on the porch, sensing an invisible tie pulling me toward Paula—but I force myself to turn away.

It’s just the hormones and her scent. I need a break to clear my mind, that’s all.

With sensible effort, I walk away from the motel and take my usual path, going further and further into the forest. It welcomes me with familiar bird thrills and smells of greenery. Everything is stable here, everything is steady. I take a deep breath, feeling the trap in my chest loosening its hold, and take off my clothes, hiding them in the middle of tangled bushes far from any human traces.

My wolf spirit readily takes over, just as impatient as I am for a chance to clear our minds. I shake my body as if trying to get rid of the heavy thoughts, and soon enough I’ve already passed the places that are too close to the town and I’m picking up my pace as I climb higher up Fox Mountain. The walk itself cools my heated mind down, filling the wolf with pleasure, and by the time I reach the settlement I feel the weight on my heart slowly dissipating.

“You’re late today,” Fiona greets me first, unbothered by my wolf shape. She’s one of the members of the old mountain pack, the only adult female that was left in the settlement by the time we joined them.

“Hey.” Noah, one of the teens, is with her, and they stop in their tracks while I walk over to sniff them and the buckets they are carrying into the woods—probably to collect berries. I sway my tail, showing that I’m glad they’re safe, and go further into the settlement while they walk away.

As I walk to the center, I pass dozens of small huts built by the members of the old pack. Some of them are still empty, carrying traces of the pack that had been much larger than ours before the witches set out to hunt them down. A few of the old members were killed or driven to madness by curses, others decided to leave in search of a better future, and a few disappeared forever. The dark rows of old huts will forever be a reminder of their spirits.

I sniff the air, searching for Owen’s scent, and follow the trail until I see him and Caleb in the middle of the settlement. In the evening, we sometimes make a bonfire to gather around and strengthen our bond, listening to Harry’s old stories and sharing knowledge about the woods around us. It is exactly that bonfire that Owen and Caleb are working on while the sun is high enough to make it easier.

“I didn’t expect you today.” Owen notices me first and straightens up from where they were cleaning ashes as I walk over to them, swaying my tail when Caleb smiles and holds out his hand for me to sniff. Everyone in the settlement smells of the calm and warm forest, and I feel a deep inner peace as the feeling of being at home settles in.

I shake my body, releasing the lingering strain of the run, and look up at Owen with a silent offer of help. He meets my gaze and hums, probably thinking about where to send me. It’s rare for someone in the settlement to sit on their own without a thing to do; even more so, it makes you feel small and useless, so I patiently wait for him to give me a task. I need time for myself anyway.

“Are you staying for the night?”

I nod, and Owen glances at the woods behind my back. “Actually, I was going to hunt for dinner later. You can go with me.”

I’ll go now then. I can’t say it out loud, but it feels like too much trouble to shift into my human form just to say a few words, so I step in the direction of the woods and tilt my head suggestively. It looks like Owen understands my offer because he shrugs and nods in calm agreement.

“Okay, I’ll join you after we’re done with the bonfire…” His voice trails off, and Owen suddenly sniffs the air. “Wait, what’s this smell on you?”

Shit. Is he talking about Paula? The thought makes my wolf spirit rumble in satisfaction—she left her scent on me, she carries my scent on her —but I quickly swallow it. I don’t want Owen to know what happened until…until I figure out what it means for me and Paula.