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Spring Kingdom

Bella

That night was certainly a harrowing torment for both of us, for sure. But we will get through it together as we always do, even if along the way we fall, but we will have each other to help us get up whenever we need to. But now I understand that I won't be able to face it alone because I am aware of what he is capable of from now on. I will have to be careful in everything I do, so that I don't get hurt, and don't hurt those who are important to me.

The feeling of guilt eats away at my soul, if I had not faced it, Esmeralda would not be going through this moment now. My conscience claims that I went through it too, I still went to save her, something no one has done for me, I can't even remember what my mother told me. She is a monster!

An unscrupulous man who would and will do anything to get what he wants. Today I decided not to go to the meetings anymore because I don't want anyone I love to suffer anymore because of me. Now it is more than certain that Antony is hiding something. Any man would be happy to know that he would be a father, even if he didn't love the woman who would be giving birth to his child.

I was lost in my reveries when the door was opened.

-Your mother is expecting you for afternoon tea," said Amber, who didn't have the courage to look me in the face.

-Tell her I won't be there.

-Yes, ma'am. -I said, leaving.

I didn't have enough mentality for that, to face everyone with their pity looks. But I would be lying if I didn't think it was possible for women not to care about what happened, it would be absurd to think that way, but seeing up close how women are treated, they might think that this was Normal to have your body touched by your husband against your will. It was even a sin to resign oneself to such an unfortunate situation.

Knocking again on the door brought her out of her thoughts.

-Madam, you'd better go.

Entering my room, I closed the door with the key.

-Get down so you won't suffer anymore, ma'am.

I got out of bed, seeing her desperate look.

-What happened? -I asked close to her, who was trembling.

- When I was going to the garden to tell the ladies that I would not be going, I met your king. He asked why you had not come downstairs, then told me that you were feeling ill. -she said in tears.

-Amber, tell me what Antony did to you. -I asked, worried.

I'm already nervous that something worse might have happened.

-He said that if you don't come down another one of us will suffer the same pain as last night! -he said.

-You can rest, and don't worry, nothing will happen," I said, wiping away the tears that were coming down.

I straightened my dress, fixed the crumpled one, and finally wiped my tears.

-I'm coming down! - I warned, I won't let anyone suffer for me.

I went towards Esmeralda's room, so that she could accompany me, but when I got to her room I saw her crying through the open door, and the other maids comforting me. I returned without entering, walking to the garden with my heart racing, and throbbing, I couldn't stand Antony in the same place, he is the cause of my best friend's tears.

Along the way I felt pitying glances, it was clear that everyone heard, especially the servants. Perhaps the members of the court would know or not about what had happened last night.

The atmospheric air in the castle was stifling. But there was a bright side to all this, if it was possible to have something good in it but: this way, nobody dared to say anything.

When I arrived in the garden for tea, there were my mother, the counselors' wives and my mother-in-law, who was all dressed up as if she were at a ball. She doesn't seem to have any idea that her son is a monster, so relaxed are her features, with her serene face.

Esmeralda is supposed to be here. However, in the condition she was in when I went to her room, calling her earlier to come with me, I didn't think it was a good idea. I don't even know how I myself am still here. I will try to show that I am not shaken by what happened. I need to appear strong even though I am in pieces inside. I abandon my daydreams with the conversations that my mother, together with my mother-in-law, were having.

A conversation that didn't matter to me. Even though the way they were talking made me angrier than I already was. They shouldn't judge the poor girl as a gold-digger for marrying an old duke," I thought.

Most people think it was only for the title or the money; no one thinks she could have married him because she loved him. But considering the world we live in today, I admit that it is rare to marry for love. Taken over again by my achisms, I hear my name and awaken from such:

- Excuse me. But what were you really talking about?

- We were saying that it was about time you and your husband had children to brighten up this castle. - it was Mom who said it, loud and clear. I stared at her static and unresponsive, could this really be what I was hearing?

I couldn't believe what I had just heard; she saw what a monster my husband is and she still comes with this conversation.

-So, my daughter, what do you think? who was asking me, as if nothing had happened.

I was in pieces, unable to put them together. I tried not to run into the room and cry non-stop. But I would not give up, I will not give myself the pleasure of seeing defeated, the war is just beginning, I will not look weak at the first obstacle.

- I think it's still early. We haven't even been married three months - I said, putting a lump in my throat, I blinked several times with the intuition of not letting tears come out. For just the thought of having another child with him reminds me of the stressful night I had. But the worst part wasn't my body being used without my consent, it was knowing that the cause of my baby's death was because he didn't want to be without a father.

- But Antony will love being a father! He confessed to me that he is looking forward to it! - mother is meddling again where she was not called. after what she saw last night, I'm surprised that you think in this atrocious way.

- I'm sure my son would be happy to be a father. He is being a great husband. He's very devoted, and he's also completely in love with you, my dear. - said Livia.

Of course: if I stay here a few more minutes I'll go crazy! She really doesn't know how Antony sneaks around behind her back. Nor does she know how he sneaks around behind my hideous back!

- Antony is a gentleman who has never done anything to hurt anyone. I taught him well. - My mother-in-law again spoke well of her son, I couldn't take it anymore.

- You don't seem to really know who your son is. I suggest you open your eyes to see what kind of man Antony has become. Your son is a complete asshole. -my tone of voice sounds fierce, strained and altered.

- I will not allow you to talk about my son like that! Even though you are his wife," she said with an angry expression.

- Your dear son did something to me that only cowardly men do. Besides, he already hit me once, only cowards do something like that," I replied.

- If that happened, then you did something to make my son lose his temper with you! - his gaze was piercing as he stared at me. I hit the table on which the saucers, cups, and shiny cutlery were resting, while my face was completely flushed with rage.

I stood up in a burst and left without uttering a word. I headed for the stable. I needed to calm myself down so I wouldn't do things I shouldn't have. They were just wondering if it was me who had done something to make him mad! They can only be so wrong about Antony's character.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't see that I was already at the border. In the distance I could see the Winter Kingdom. I passed the guards without being seen. I'm getting good at getting through places without being noticed. I was hiding near the tree when I saw him there. I stopped, hiding behind a big branch, and since I was crouched down, he didn't see me.

What would I do now? Will I go to him or not? So many unknown feelings caused confusion in my mind. I looked at him, and an unequal desire to be close took over me.

I already knew which would be the safest way for my heart and my life. I turned around, my heart was racing and it was hurting, but the pain passes with time or lessens the suffering.

I got on the horse and rode fast, I wanted to feel alive. With the wind blowing in my face, hair in the wind, I just wanted to go faster. I let the tears fall and in desperation I screamed... I screamed! For the freedom to live, to love, to be who I am, to do what I want.

I cry out for the freedom to live, to love, to be who I am, to do what I want. Dissatisfied! For starting to love someone impossible, because life had to be so cruel, treacherous and surprising. But for me nothing was good, not even the surprises, these were the ones that hurt me the most.

Everything I thought was just an illusion of my poor mind, which clings to something that never existed. Nothing matters to me now, I just want to feel peace and freedom, and try to move on.

I arrive at the stable keeping the horse. Now I am standing in front of the castle, wiping my tears and holding my head high. I promised never again to show weakness to my enemies, I will strengthen myself with the difficulties that arise and face them with my full strength. But never bow my head to anyone else.