CHAPTER 93

CHAPTER 93
ETHAN’S POV

“Ethan… please…” Her voice trembled, breaking through the haze of my nightmare.
Her cry echoed, distant yet sharp, cutting through the darkness like a knife.

My body jerked awake. Cold sweat rolled down my face as I gasped for air. The sheets clung to my skin. My heart pounded so hard it felt like it would tear through my chest. For a moment, I couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t. All I could see was Ariana’s face replacing the woman from my past. The woman I had once hurt.

I pressed both palms over my eyes, trying to force the image out of my head. But it stayed. That same face. That same terrified look.

“Damn it,” I whispered, dragging myself up to sit at the edge of the bed. My throat was dry. My hands were shaking. It had been months since I’d had one of those nightmares. I thought I was finally free of them.

But I wasn’t.

I stumbled into the bathroom, switched on the light, and stared at myself in the mirror. The reflection staring back didn’t look like the man I had been trying to become. It was the man I used to be—the one I’d spent years trying to erase.

“Get a grip,” I muttered. My knuckles pressed hard into the counter. I wanted to smash the mirror. But I didn’t. I couldn’t.

I turned on the tap and splashed cold water over my face again and again until my skin stung. Then I lifted my gaze. The eyes that met mine were hollow, haunted by things I didn’t want to remember.

For a moment, I let myself drift. Back to the years before Ariana. Back when the only thing that mattered was control, not love. Back when I’d used people to bury pain. I hated that version of me. And I hated how easily he crept back into my mind.

The clock read 4:03 a.m. I couldn’t go back to sleep, not after that. So I sat on the edge of the bed again, staring into nothing. The silence in the room was thick. I realized then how alone I was, despite everything I had built around me.

Ariana had brought a kind of peace I hadn’t known before. But the thought of her seeing that side of me terrified me. She wouldn’t understand. No one would. She’d look at me differently—like I was a monster.

No. That part of my life would stay buried. Forever.

Still, the thought of losing her haunted me more than the nightmares themselves. The contract we had was supposed to end soon, and every day the end felt closer. The idea of her walking away—free from me—tightened something in my chest I couldn’t name.

“Why does it feel like this?” I whispered to the empty room. “Why does it feel like losing her will kill me?”

Before I could sink deeper into my thoughts, there was a knock on my door. Then it opened before I could respond.

Ariana stepped in, her robe loosely tied, her hair still messy from sleep. Her eyes were wide and bright with excitement.

“I just got off the phone with Helen Duran’s assistant,” she said, breathless. “She wants to schedule another interview with me.”

Her words didn’t register immediately. I was still half stuck in the nightmare. But when she smiled, the tension in my chest eased slightly.

“That’s good news,” I said quietly. My voice sounded distant even to my own ears.

“I wasn’t expecting it,” she said, walking closer. “Helen doesn’t usually call twice. She must have been impressed after last week.”

I nodded, trying to find my footing. Ariana didn’t notice how shaken I was. She was too caught up in the moment, and I was grateful for that.

She sat beside me on the edge of the bed. “Ethan, are you okay? You look pale.”

I forced a small smile. “I’m fine. Just a rough night.”

She tilted her head, unconvinced. “Nightmare?”

“Something like that.” I tried to keep my tone light. “Nothing worth worrying about.”

Her hand brushed over mine. “You don’t have to hide things from me. You know that, right?”

That nearly broke me. I wanted to tell her everything—that the man she thought she knew wasn’t the whole story. That my past was darker than she could imagine. But I couldn’t risk it. Not now. Not when I was finally starting to feel like I had something worth losing.

“Yeah,” I said softly. “I know.”

She stayed quiet for a moment, then smiled faintly. “You don’t have to act like the world’s on your shoulders all the time. You’ve done enough carrying already.”

Her words hit deeper than she knew.

Then, almost as quickly, her excitement returned. “I think Helen might want to talk about the campaign again. Maybe she wants to feature the new deal you and Benjamin signed last week.”

That pulled me back to the present. Benjamin had been working closely with me on the partnership that would change the company’s direction for good. The timing was interesting. If Helen wanted to highlight it, it could work in our favor—publicity, credibility, everything.

“Maybe,” I said. “But Helen never does anything without a reason. She’s probably got a new angle.”

Ariana smiled. “You sound suspicious already.”

“Experience,” I replied. “With people like her, there’s always a reason.”

She stood and crossed her arms. “Then maybe it’s time we find out what she’s planning.”

Her tone was half-teasing, half-serious. I admired that about her—the way she balanced grace and fire so easily. It was what drew me to her in the first place.

But that admiration scared me now. Because every day, I felt myself slipping further from control.

“I’ll call Benjamin in the morning,” I said. “We’ll prepare before the interview.”

“Good,” she said, then leaned down and kissed my cheek. “Now get some rest. You look like you’ve been fighting demons in your sleep.”

You have no idea, I thought.

She walked toward the door, humming softly. But before she stepped out, she turned to me again. “Ethan?”

“Yeah?”

Her eyes softened. “Whatever’s bothering you… It doesn’t make me love you any less.”

My throat tightened. I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. She didn’t wait for an answer either. She smiled faintly and left the room.

When the door closed, I leaned back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Her words lingered in my head, both a comfort and a curse.

I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe that love could erase what came before. But the man in the mirror from earlier—the one I’d buried so long ago—was still there, waiting for his turn to rise again.

And when he did, I wasn’t sure Ariana would still look at me the same way.

But for now, I had to hold it together. For her. For Benjamin. For the plan we’d built to secure everything we’d worked for.

Still, a voice whispered in the back of my mind—soft but relentless.

You’re going to lose her.

I pushed the thought aside, turned off the light, and lay down again. But sleep didn’t come. Only the sound of her voice echoes in my head.

And the fear that one day, the truth about who I’d been would destroy everything I loved.