The Weight of Words

Caden's POV 

There was an oppressive tension in the room. My mind was racing with conflicting storming and colliding ideas. I was unable to escape the pressure that was rising within me. As I stared at the blank space in front of me, the files in front of me vanished into thin air, the papers thrown away like pointless scraps of paper. 

There was no way to choose any of the options. The thought of losing Emerald to duty and the weight of my Alpha responsibilities weighed heavily on my chest leaving me wondering what I should do and how to strike a balance between duty and desire. The pack did, however. I did not know the answers. 

I felt confined. Desperate for some clarity or some indication I briefly closed my eyes and ran my hand through my hair in frustration. But all I could see was Emerald. She smiled. Her eyes. The way she put everything in perspective. 

I didn't react when I heard the faint sound of footsteps in the hallway. I was thinking too deeply. The outside world seemed to be moving on without me, leaving me behind in this sea of uncertainty, and my mind was racing. 

Then the knock was heard. “Caden?”

I was brought back to reality by the voice that cut through my daydream. Ryker. I knew who it was without having to open the door. There was no mistaking his voice. Vivacious, full of vitality—always in contrast to how I feel. 

I muttered, “Come in,” without raising my gaze from the desk. 

Ryker wasted no time. His recognizable presence filled the room as the door creaked open. Everyone felt a little lighter and more relaxed around him because of his self-assured carefree swagger. In his approach to my desk, his light footsteps reverberated off the walls.

He smirked as he started, “Well, well, well… Dude, why are you acting so moody? You have a ton of work ahead of you and yet you appear as though someone stole your lunch. What is happening?”

I laughed quietly despite myself but it was short-lived. Even when things seemed to be falling apart Ryker always managed to make light of them. He was correct though. I was moody and I was beginning to feel like I couldn't handle everything by myself. 

Leaning back in my chair, I answered, “I've got a lot on my mind.”

My voice didn't even attempt to conceal my weariness. He told me, “Yeah, I can tell,” in a tone that was more solemn now but still had the warmth that made him one of the few people I could trust. “Do you want to discuss it?”

I stopped and thought about what I could do. I could continue to hold everything inside as I had been doing for several days. But Ryker was someone I knew. He was not the type to tolerate my silence for very long. And I might benefit from letting everything out. 

I ran a hand across my face in exasperation and said, “I... I don't know what to do. The Council anticipates that Ivy and I will mate. It was my father's desire. That is their desire. But I am unable to. No, Ryker, I don't love her. Emerald is dear to my heart.”

And there it was—the reality. I had spoken it aloud to someone besides myself. Emerald was very dear to me. And now that it was in the open the weight and burden of that love felt so much greater. Although Ryker remained silent for a moment I could sense his eyes watching and analyzing me.

There was silence for a few beats before he spoke. “Hold on. Emerald?” His tone conveyed genuine surprise. 

“Yeah,” I replied, letting out a sour laugh. “You recall her. It's her that I mentioned to you.” I stopped attempting to read his face. “I must admit that I didn't think you would recall her. It has been some time. . . “

As though a puzzle piece had suddenly fallen into place, Ryker's eyes widened a little, and he nodded slowly. “Oh indeed. She is now in my memory. It was actually quite some time ago that we ran into each other. What a small world.”

For a moment he was silent as his mind worked. I became uneasy since I couldn't tell what he was thinking. However, he gave me a sincere, considerate smile before I could ask him for an answer. 

He said softly but firmly, “Caden, you know… I didn't think you'd say that. She wasn't the person you were referring to in my opinion. But now I understand.”

Perplexed, I arched an eyebrow. “Understand what?”

With a sigh, Ryker leaned against the desk and combed his hair. “You're having trouble because of the burden of this pack and the obligation that has been placed on you. And I understand, I assure you. Wearing the Alpha title is more than just a crown. The thing is really heavy. But man you can't ignore your heart. It's simply not possible.”

Uncertain of how to interpret his words I blinked. With a heavy voice, I said, “I'm not sure if I have a choice. Everything will end if I don't do what the Council requests and mate with Ivy before my coronation. My leadership, the packs, demise everything my father fought for. All I'll have is lost.”

Ryker laughed but there was seriousness in his eyes. “And what about Emerald? What about her? If you deserve to be happy, Caden, don't you?”

The words caught in my throat as I opened my mouth to reply. Naturally, I wanted to feel content. I wanted to be with Emerald of course. But the future of everything important to me is the responsibility. 

My voice was low as I muttered “I don't know what to do. I feel confined.”

Ryker was quiet for a while before he sighed and moved to the window pushing aside the desk. His back was to me as he gazed out at the scenery before he finally spoke. “Caden, you are an excellent leader. I am aware of that. I've observed it. However, try not to let the world's weight overwhelm you. Listen to your intuition. Make that choice if you truly love Emerald. If the pack knows that you are authentic they will follow you. Let your heart tell you who you should be with, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.”

His remarks were straightforward but they had an unexpected impact on me. Duty, expectations, and the fear of losing everything had consumed me for a long time. Ryker was correct though.

Even though I had been too scared to admit it my heart had been clear from the start. However, I almost muttered to myself, “I don't want to lose everything.”

Ryker's expression softened as he turned around. “You have to give up something, sometimes Caden, to obtain what's truly important.”

His eyes were slightly more mischievous as he grinned once more. “My friend, you should follow your heart. And perhaps, just possibly, everything will turn out okay. Only when you try will you know.”

I wasn't sure what I was hoping he would say, but it wasn't that. However, the load felt somewhat less heavy now. I realized I didn't have to make this decision alone after speaking with Ryker and taking his advice. I had supporters and people who were concerned about me. 

Feeling as though I could breathe again I reclined in my chair. I said, “Thanks, Ryker,” in a genuine tone. “I needed to hear that.”

With a wink at me, he said, “No problem. Never forget to follow your heart. I am aware of what is best.”

I felt a wave of relief as he turned to go lighter than I had felt in days. It's possible that Ryker was correct. Perhaps, after all, I did have a choice.