We needed to, though. My wolf stirred, she was worried about her male, our male. We had to take care of ourselves and make sure we were sharp, ready. We had to be ready. "Do you think you can?" I gently asked while the back of my fingers gently grazed his cheek. He shook his head. "No, maybe? hell if I know." I sighed and leaned down to kiss him, letting my lips gently cover his that always surprised me with how soft they were. "Ethan we need to try. We can sleep in tomorrow too." Ethan looked up at me as my hair haloed us; his eyes were plagued with sadness but as he looked at me it was like he was looking at an angel of hope. "I can't forget their faces baby, it's all I see when I close my eyes," he whispered, his voice cracked as he stared up at me. I felt my heart constrict and the bond reached out, the bond that wanted to heal our weary souls. I kissed him again then nuzzled his neck, letting instinct drive the moment and tossing my plagued brain out of the window. "Then let's forget, just for a bit," I murmured against his skin. He turned his face to me and kissed me gently at first until it was like a slow need that built up into something more. Forgetting. We pushed away the demons and forgot them in each others arms that night until we both finally fell asleep. A sleep that was good, until it wasn't good. It wasn't good when I woke up to find Ethan standing at the doorway of our bedroom, gripping the doorframe for dear life as dark anger poured off him while dawn started to peak out through the night sky. His blood was brewing now, almost boiling. I rushed around him and pulled the bedroom door closed then turned to him. He opened his eyes, eyes that were pissed off and lusting for a fight. "Open the door." I shook my head as my beast stood up. She shook her fur out then eyed her male sadly. He was in pain, we were in pain. She didn't want to cause him anymore, but if she had to fight him to save him from himself then she would. "No, go back to bed." He growled lowly which just irritated my wolf. "Charlotte, open the damn door." I hissed at him as my fangs elongated. My blood stirred too now, simmering and crackling as it danced with his. "No, you don't want to do this. Go back to bed." "Goddammit Charlotte open the damn door!" he barked out as his blood seemed to lash out at me like a solar flare. I could lash out at him. I could have fought him, raised my voice, smacked him across his thick skull, but none of those would have worked. It would only hurt him more, hurt us more. I could feel his pain over the bond, our pain. He was hurting so much, in a way that sent chills down my spine because it reminded me of the Treehouse, of when I saw him there in that horrible memory from the tree. He was hurting and fighting fire with fire would only make more fire. He was hurting, but we would also learn that he didn't screw with a Thorne. I stepped towards him and cocked my head a bit as his nostrils flared. I stepped again, enclosing the space between us as his beast reached out for mine. He was hurt, but she wasn't having this bullshit. She snapped at him because she knew he was better than this–stronger than this. My palm found his chest that was radiating anger as my eyes bore into his. "What did you see Ethan? What was in the dream?" His face contorted as a memory seemed to sicken him a little before anger turned into twisted pain. "Just open the damn door baby." "If you can't control this, you can't control him, then you can forget about it all Ethan. It's going to eat you up and spit you out," I said firmly before stepping back to the door and opening it. "If you want to go then go. I won't always be here to stop you, I'm not your damn keeper Ethan." He growled lowly as his jaw clenched. "How can you stand here and not want to as well? Would you not go with me? Is that what you're saying?" I felt my beast snap out some more as images of my fallen family flashed to mind. "Are you so selfish to think that you are the only one this is tearing up?! That this has tore me up. Do you not think that I don't see them too? That it doesn't eat away at me? "What I saw scared the living hell out of me Ethan, I will never be able to forget any of it! I am breaking just as much as you are, they haunt me just as much Ethan. "I won't go with you, not like this," I said shaking my head as my beast started to stalk in my mind. "We have a pack to protect, Ethan. They come before us." He growled a little more and I just ignored him. Ignored him while our beast wanted his hide. I brushed passed him then walked to the bed and pulled off a pillow and blanket then chunked it at him. His eyes slightly darkened as he started to snarl, but my heart was breaking too. My beast was broken. The images of Levi's eyes before he lost it look at me in my dreams and it is everything I have not to rip of Thomas'. I stopped his snarl with a furious growl of my own as my beast pushed closer. "Really?" he bit out. I nodded. "You need to learn to control it. I know how it feels, it feels like knives under my skin, but we have to learn how. "My mate knows how, he knows how important this is and how important our damn pack is. He isn't selfish and he damn sure doesn't raise his voice at me like that. So, when he decides to pull it together then he can come back to bed, until then he can find a guest bedroom or the damn couch and figure it the hell out." Ethan's eyes widened furiously before he marched out of our room and into a guest room, slamming the door on his way in. The echoes of it shook me a little, but I pushed back the pain. I knew he was in pain. I knew he was hurting, but I couldn't be with him every minute of the day to make sure he didn't tear Thomas apart. We both had to be able to be strong, and be what this pack needs right now. I wanted nothing more than to run back and hold him, but I knew that he had to do this himself. The bed on his side was still warm from where he had been laying next to me not that long ago. My beast whine a little then reached out to me, caressing me and trying to soothe me. I let her help me drift to sleep, but it was a sleep that was again interrupted. Interrupted by images of red hair in pools of blood, of silver eyes telling me to take care of my father, and of my father–Levi breaking so hard that it felt like my own skin was cracking. My head sprung up off my pillow as I jerked awake from the sleep, gasping for air and pushing my anger and beast back. I looked at the door and shivered as the rage tugged at me to go, to take a step. But I snapped at it, I snapped hard at it. My beast reached out to me again and tried to soothe me, but the dreams harmed her as well, scared her. Together we tried to calm each other down, support each other as small tears pooled at my eyes.