Chapter 36 AN OVERWHELMING FEELING
I had found my way to the rooftop and I stood by, waiting for Rafael to show up. The city floor was vastly spread at the foot of the Devereaux family estate and it was a great sight to behold that I couldn't get tired of watching what seemed like a roman empire.
I just stood there, admiring the beauty of the Italian structures as the wind tossed my floral dress about like I was on a set of a romantic movie, my hair also going with the melodic flow of the wind.
Then, I could feel him drawing near and bursting through the balcony door impatiently. I took a moment to collect myself before turning around to behold his being.
Rafael stood by the door, staring at me like I had just woken up from the dead and he had been waiting for me to come back to him all his whole life.
He just stood there with his gaze locked in mine, never wanting to defer. Rafael was panting softly and by this, I could tell he had rushed up here to honor my call at once.
“Hello, Vanessa.” Were the first words he managed to say to me, breaking the long silence we had fallen into by just staring at each other, letting nature dictate the mood between us.
I let my hands which I had folded behind my back down, letting them fall by my side, then I responded with a soft smile and that sent a cryptic emotion at him, his face lightening up as much as mine.
My subtle act had created multiple sparks of joy in his heart and I was as well glad I could make that happen— not just because he was Santiano Rafael Devereaux, but because he was also human, existing just like I was.
How lovely it was to be the source of one's happiness, but does his existence in my life make me happy and feel whole just like he had deemed me to be the one person that could make him feel whole and complete?
I knew what I wanted and it was a tilter towards my freedom, so I couldn't be shaken up, not by this man, Rafael and at that moment, I only had to fulfill Leah's final wish, my own end of the bargain and I hope he doesn't see this through as a mere act to keep him in place.
I hoped he remained unsuspecting of my sudden need for him which would eventually grant me my liberation from him.
I got out of my train of thought, ready to face my reality, ready to be Rafael's woman— just for today.
I matched his gaze, my smile still ethereal to his sight.
“Hello, Rafael,” I said back to him softly, and I could literally see him pause in time.
For a long while, he wouldn't say a word or move a muscle. It was as if he had become numb.
Had I said anything wrong? Are his suspicions crawling in already? I had responded to his greeting, why does it seem like there was more to it?
His smile… Why was it fading and why does he suddenly look sad and empty?
I had barely put all these thoughts in place when he began to move towards me, his eyes cold and empty and the tapping of the sole of shoes as he approached sounding like trouble.
My chest tightened as I anticipated his arrival in a few seconds. What has he noticed? What impression of mine has stood out for him to be cautious suddenly?
He had said to me that there was no point in escaping from him, that he would always find me and now, has he sense my escape plans?
Has he sniffed out my plans through the words I had said to him or my sudden unusual need for him?
And then, he was already in front of me, his eyes never wavering or leaving mine like he was searching for something within them.
I was thrown into a state of confusion, in fact, I was nervous that I could tumble. What words could I say to him now that he was standing in front of me?
Anything, I begged, but my body betrayed me and wouldn't give it a try to make up words and I could feel a huge lump settle in my throat, stopping me from breathing a word out even if I had any being processed in my head.
My lips quivered slightly as they tried to print a label on words to say to him, but before I could force myself to it, Rafael had said to me,
“It's the first time,”
My eyes glinted with surprise and a huge hint of confusion. 'It's the first time'?— what does he mean by that? Were we ever on the same page?
“Huh?” I said in a whimper.
“It's your first time, Vanessa… it's the first time you would ever say my name— Rafael, you just called me by my name.”
My heart sank, a warm wave of relief washing over me as he said that. I had thought things could be going wrong, but it was an issue I probably had nothing to worry about.
But watching him crash out in a pitiful state drove a riveting feeling within me. The longing look within his eyes, how such little detail mattered to him, they all felt overwhelming that I hadn't even realized this until he mentioned it to me.
According to him, I had never called him by his name and I began to wonder how long he had been waiting for this day— the day I would call the name— Rafael and now that he had heard me say his name, would he think of a variable were things could possibly change between us for the better?
I smiled weakly, my thoughts still fastening in an uncalled calculation.
“I… I didn't realize that,” I said weakly. “How long have you been waiting for this?”
“Since forever!” He admitted without shame.
Despite the weakness of my smile, it was heartwarming to hear him say he craved badly something as normal as calling someone by their name.
“Hug me, please.” Rafael requested with a weak smile lining his lips, his eyes never tired of looking into mine since he had arrived on the balcony.