Chapter 53 Chapter 53

Chapter 53 Chapter 53
The candles had burned lowly by the time the conversation between them had gone soft into something much quiet. No longer talking about the day they both have been through, but this time it was something more honest, warm, cold, light flickering gently across the living room walls, shadow moving lazy through the large space while the world outside was completely disappearing behind the dark windows and silence pastry boxes that sat half open on the coffee table between them.
Wine glasses near them empty now and Lydia had calmed herself against the side of the couch, with one leg tucked beneath her. But Sophia sat comfortably on the floor nearby, leaning back against the sofa couch, and cushion. 
For a while they have spoken about completely meaningless things. Like fashion disaster. Sophia's dramatic hate for raisins in dessert. Stories from years ago. Lydia had almost forgotten existed.
Small conversations that did not ask anything of her, except listen and relax, and exist for a little while, without grief pressing against her and maybe that was why the silence had settled afterwards.
However, it did not feel uncomfortable anymore. This is simply resting there between them, warm and quiet beneath candlelight.
Sofia studied Lydia carefully over the rim of her wine glass for a moment, before finally speaking again. Her voice extremely gentle now, and less playful.
"So..." She asked carefully.
"How bad is it?" Sophia finally asked. Lydia looked up slightly and pulled from her thoughts now.
"What?" She asked. And now she was more than confused.
"You and Arthur." She asked and the room swiftly shifted suddenly at the sound of his name.
It was not extremely dense, but just careful and Lydia lowered her eyes back towards the wine glass resting loosely between her hands. Her fingers dressing slowly along the stem when she searched for words that felt impossible to explain properly.
"I don't know anymore." She admitted quietly after a very long pause. 
She hadn't seen him for so long, even though it has just been a whole day and it felt strangely different.
Sophia, on the other hand, stays silent, letting her continue on her own. How ever, Lydia exhaled softly through her nose and leaned back.
"He makes me angry all the time." She mumbled, almost sounding angry. But not tired of herself at all. 
"Sometimes, I look at him and generally want to throw something at his head. And then..... he is the same person that will do anything to come back in between me and the bullet... And at least three times he has done it." She said, Sophia's eyes going wide.
"But right after that... half an hour later... I... I just want to hit him again. I don't know what that is .... but I just want to throw something so hard at him. While making eye contact." She said and Sophia only took a very large sip of her drink and nodded her head, almost immediately.
"I actually understand that, very understandable." She said, not finding it funny, but very relatable. 
But both the girls stopped talking for one second, looked at each other. It was a small pause, but after they looked and eye contact happened, they both laughed....
They were actually laughed out loud, a very loud one at that.. And there was echoing throughout the entire house.
If there were kids inside of this house, trying to catch a ghost in that haunted house. They would definitely think these were witches laughing, and now after their soul. But it was just two girls understanding at the same situation.
How ever, after a while there was small pause and that moment started fading again. 
"But then." She said hesitating slightly, and her brows pulling together faintly. 
"And then, he does things that completely confuse me something. I never expect him to do
Sophia rested her elbows against the couch behind her, listening now with full attention, and no longer joking about this. Lydia stared down at her hands.
"When my grandmother died... I couldn't think properly. I always thought she was my mother because she was the only one I had... I couldn't even process what was happening and some how... Some how Arthur was there. I never realized I needed help, he just took over everything for me. And he didn't have to." She swallowed slightly.
"When I couldn't sleep yesterday. I called him... I don't know why I called him, but I called him right after leaving the house. And he was here with me, no anger, pain. He was just here." She whispered, thinking about it.
"He stayed with me, Arthur just came here." She said, and her fingers tightened around the glass.
Sophia watched her carefully. Lydia's voice dropped almost into a whisper.
"And, he looked at me like...." She stopped, almost immediately.
Sophia asked.
"Like what Lydia?" Sofia whispered, gently and Lydia stayed quiet for a second before finally answering.
"Like he knew that he was losing me. But losing... He was letting me have that moment. Arthur was just letting me have everything I wanted." 
The word settles off into the room. Sophia did not react immediately, but something knowing moved quietly now through her expression. Because she understood Arthur better than most people did. And she knew the difference between his control and his weakness, and Lydia had become both for him.
That was the dangerous part.
Arthur Romero did nothing halfway, especially not love.
"You know, when you both got married" Sophia said, after the moment and her voice went lighter again.
"I thought, I honestly thought one of you would end up in prison, within a week." That brought another laugh. A quiet laugh from Lydia.
"I almost killed him during the wedding." She said, laughing.
"I know..." Sophia faintly smiled. 
"Gema told me that you looked at him during the ceremony. and that you were planning where to bury the body."
Lydia leaned back slightly against the couch, again shaking her head at the memory.
"I hated him that day." 
It was honesty in her voice, and not cruelty. Just painfully real.
"I remember standing there thinking it was over." She admitted.
"Everyone were smiling, talking, celebrating." She said, her eyes drifting towards the candles nearby.
"And it felt like I was being handed away like I belong to someone else now." Sophia's expression softened again.
"And after?" She asked, quietly. There Lydia let out a very small but heavy breath.
"He terrified me." She said. 
"Not because Arthur had needed to hurt people directly to makes them feel afraid. It was what surrounded him. Thee power, control.
Sophia nodded slowly, understanding her more than anything. 
"But he never made you pretend." She said and Lydia looked at her. Sophia shrugged lightly.
"Arthur can be called overprotective, completely controlling when he thinks something belongs to him, or someone. But when he loves someone, he does not know how to do it carefully." She said, and Lydia's chest tightened up again.
Because she knew it was the truth. 
Even angry with him, she knew it. The silence stretched again and Sophia finally ask the question.
"Do you want to go back to him?" She asked, her eyes on Lydia and Lydia on. And Lydia did not immediately answer.
The answer should have been easy.
Either she will go or she will not go. 
YES OR NO
But, it wasn't. Because missing him and being hurt by him existed together now. And, she did not understand that difference.
"No..." She whispered, very softly. Shaking her head.
Not because she did not think about him constantly, or miss him more than she wanted to admit. But, because she was still angry and grieving and exhausted.
Sophia understood that as well. She did not try to convince her otherwise. Did not defend Arthur either. While pressured her.
She simply nodded her head, reaching towards another pastry box between them.
"That's okay." She said, gently to Lydia.
Simply accepting what Lydia said loosening. Something quietly sat inside of Lydia's chest. Because lately everyone around her had expected things from her. Strength, forgiveness, understanding decision
But, Sophia was the first person who simply let her feel whatever, without demanding. She fix it immediately.
The rest of the night passed slowly, after that the candles continued burning. Both of them talked about random things softly. Lydia's overthinking disappearing back into the thoughts again. 
Both of them holding a glass of wine, eating pastry. And now Lydia could sit beside her own reality without drowning in it.