Losing it

ETHAN'S POV.

We were having rice, and crab soup, with a few side dishes, comprising of seafood when a call from my dad came in.

"Hey Dad…"

"Young Master…" A maid's trembling voice came from his phone, and I wondered why she was using my dad's phone.

The audacity…

No matter what happened, she didn't have the rights to touch my dad's phone.

"Why are you…?"

"The Alpha's dead."

"What!?" I asked, getting up from my seat. She had to be playing a really expensive joke.

"He had an heart attack, and died right in front of my eyes." She cried.

"Wh… what!?" It was hard to believe. No, I couldn't believe it. There was no way I could believe the shit she was saying!

How could my father, who we had seen hale and hearty the previous day, suddenly die of a heart attack?

"They… they've rushed him to the hospital, and I had to inform you…"

I threw my phone to the floor. I didn't want to hear what she was saying anymore. She was saying nonsense. She didn't know what she was saying.

Yet, I knew… I knew she couldn't dare lie to me, or joke with such a thing. It would cost her life.

But I didn't want to believe it, either.

"What's wrong?" Kaden asked, in alarm, and I suddenly found it hard to breathe.

"Dad…" Even saying it was hard. "Dad… Dad's dead."

Everyone stopped, and I knew they were all looking at me, but I didn't even see them. I was staring into space.

"Dad's dead." I said again, testing the words in my mouth. "Dad… dad's dead." I continued, as my eyes filled up with tears.

Would I ever be able to bring myself to believe it? I was supposed to dash out of the house, but I was scared. I was scared to confirm what I already knew.

Reece, who was impatient, got up from his seat, and picked my phone up from the floor, while my tears fell down my eyes.

I didn't want to believe it. I hadn't believed it yet, so why were my tears rushing down? Why was my chest clenching, and unclenching? Why was it becoming harder to breathe, with each second.

"Damn you." I heard Reece mutter. He threw my phone, and dashed out of the house, followed by Kaden.

"Ethan, wait. It might not be true. It might be a prank. We don't know yet, so…" Eileen's words faded into echoes, and I began to feel scared, and alone.

My father, gone? What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just dash out the door like Reece, and Kaden had done? Why was I stuck in one place crying like a child? Why was it so hard to move?

What if it turned out to be a prank? That would be embarrassing.

"Hey, hey, calm down! Calm down!! You're going to have a panic attack!" Eileen said in alarm, and Yrene jumped up from her seat, and came to me, holding my arm.

"Ethan, breathe." They kept on saying, but I didn't know what they were talking about. I didn't know if I was breathing or not.

"Ethan, breathe!" Eileen shouted, but their words were lost in faraway echoes. Before I knew it, I blanked out, and the ground came up to meet me.

~

When I awoke, I was in the hospital, and my head was aching. I sat up, and saw Kaden sitting in front of me, suddenly looking like he hadn't eaten in months.

"Where's… where's Reece?"

"He's… he's with father." Kaden replied, slowly.

With a jolt, I recalled how I had passed out, and the news I had gotten, and blinked hard.

"What are they doing?" I asked, still trying to deny facts.

"Father's resting, and Reece… Reece is sitting there."

"Oh. He's resting… he's… Tell Reece to stop being a baby, and stop bothering him. He… he needs his rest."

"I think he's not the only one being a baby. You're being one too, and you keep pushing a spear into my heart. Just… just stop acting like it's fine. Stop making me wish I could deny it too. Reece… Reece has bitten everyone who tried to take him away from father, and… Why am I the only one who can't stay in denial? I'm not even the oldest. Damn you, Ethan." Kaden blurted out, blinking back his tears, but they fell nevertheless.

"Where's father?" I asked, with a raised voice. "Take me to him."

"Don't yell at me."

"Damn you, Kaden! Take me to him!" I yelled, and Kaden got up from his seat, with tears streaming down his face.

He led the way, and I wished I would suddenly wake up. If I did, I would run to the pack house, and act like the kid he had always wanted me to act like.

I would sleep in his arms, and tell him things about me.

Everytime, he had always pestered me, telling me to act my age, to act more like Kaden, and Reece. He had told me to pester him with my troubles, and to be more open to him.

If I woke up, I would do that. I would act like I was young again.

"Walk faster!" I yelled at Kaden, and the hospital staff stared at us, with sorrow in their eyes. It angered me greatly. "Stop staring!" I screamed at them, and they scampered away.

When I got to the mortuary, it was cold, and I wanted to ask why we were going to mortuary, but I couldn't.

Reece was sitting on the floor, and father was on a stretcher, with his face white, and relaxed.

My lips trembled, but I couldn't take a step further.

I yelled, and fell to the floor. I screamed out my lungs, and held my chest.

Kaden also began to cry, falling to the floor, and hitting it.

Our father was the only family we had. How could he leave? My tears came out rapidly, and I tried to take in deep breaths, but crumbled in more tears each time.

Then, I stood, and gathered the courage to go to him.

"Fa… fa… father!" I called, with my hands alighting on his arm. He was so cold. Ice cold.

"Shut up! Shut up!! Don't call his name! Leave him!" Reece suddenly exploded, and it felt like I would fall to the floor, and faint again.

"Dad…" I called, and shook my head. "Please stop. Please stop this! I'm here! I want to tell you a lot. I'm sorry… I… Dad!" I yelled.

"Damn you, Ethan! Damn you! I said to shut your mouth!" Reece shouted in tears.

"Can the both of you stop!? Stop it! Stop it!!" Kaden yelled at us both.

The three of us lapsed into silence, with our words. Our cries were the only things that filled the air.

I couldn't even feel the cold around me. All I could feel was the heat, spreading from my tears.

I covered his chest with the white sheet, as if he was also feeling the cold I was feeling, even though I knew he wasn't.

Was that what losing someone felt like?

How did everyone who lost someone cope with it? Because I didn't think I could get myself anymore.

"I have a lot I wish to say, but where do I start from? I'm willing to say now. Won't you listen, uh? You know, I've… I've always being that tough because you always say an Alpha has to be tough. I… I didn't keep to myself because I didn't want you to intrude my privacy, and…"

"I'm sorry. Ethan, I'm sorry for yelling at you." Reece suddenly said, and his voice broke. His emotions were going in and out of control. Was that how he was dealing with the loss?

"Don't… don't apologize to me. You did nothing wrong. I'll… I'll stay here with father until he wakes." I said, but Kaden got up.

"You're the worst. Can you stop making it harder!? Can you just shut up!? He's dead! He's gone! He's no longer returning! Please stop!" He yelled, and Reece suddenly went to him, and held his collar tightly.

"You should shut up! Shut your damn mouth! How can a man, who was walking, and laughing perfectly suddenly have an heart attack? He never complained of any pain. He never! This is bullshit, Kaden!"

"Dad, you're cold." I heard myself say, while Reece, and Kaden flared at each other.

We were losing it.

Our father's death, was messing with our heads. Kaden and Reece who never fought, instead, engaged in mischief were about to fight?

I, who was always sane, rational, and calm was speaking to a dead person, like he were alive, and foolishly waiting for him to wake?

I just didn't know what else to do.

It felt like I would never recover.

Nothing would ever be the same.