Chapter 21: The Lone Alpha

Chapter Nineteen. Mars

I watch as Davina puts the glass of wine to her lips and takes a sip. I don’t know where to start. Do I ask her questions about her life, or do I talk about the elephant in the room, the reason I ran the night I found her? I know I need to have a conversation about me being a werewolf, but I think I need to leave that for a later date. It will be too much for her to handle right now. I can feel her confusion and fear coming off her in waves. I guess I should begin with myself, and then hopefully she will understand why I did what I did, and we can go from there.

“When I said I ran away from you, it was about me, not you. I think I should explain what has happened, to help you understand why I let fear take over, and why now, that will not happen again,” I began.

I see her bow her head, and I know part of her doesn’t want me to continue. But it is important for her to know, even if she doesn’t understand.

“Ten years and three days ago exactly, I was having a big birthday party, for my eighteenth,” I started to tell her about my past.

Davina looks up at me, as I inhale a long breath, already feeling my throat going dry and scratchy as I fight with the emotions I know are going to burst forth. Hell, I hope she doesn’t mind a crying man, because I am not going to get through this without shedding tears. Lots of tears.

“That morning, I was woken up by my parents and my sister. I remember being grumpy about it, rather than happy. My family loved me so much, they were excited about me becoming a man. I wish I had hugged each of them, rather than the scowling I had done.” I breathed out, the tears forming in my eyes already. Davina sits forwards, her eyes wide, noticing how upset I am.

“That evening, my whole family and friends gathered for a party. Unbeknownst to us, someone had drugged the punch. A family member, I think. But the truth is, I do not know for sure. Whilst we were drugged, a gang came for us. I watched my fifteen-year-old sister, Venus, my mother and my father, along with my friends be violently murdered before my eyes. My father’s last words were for me to run. I did. I ran and ran until I could not run anymore,”

Davina’s hands clasped against her mouth, her own eyes stinging with unshed tears.

“I should have protected them, but I couldn’t. I failed them,” my voice breaks as I utter the truth.

“That wasn’t your fault,” Davina softly tells me, and I love hearing her support, but honestly, I need to finish off what I am saying, before the emotions become to difficult to handle.

“I believe it was. Like Max, I strongly want to protect my family,” I stated, attempting to say something that she could understand, as telling her I am an Alpha and that is my one job, to protect the pack, will either raise more questions that she is not ready to hear the answer to, or go over her head all together.

“It gets worse,” I tell her.

Davina looks at me, and nods her head once, her hand slightly shaking as she takes another sip of wine.

“I had collapsed, exhaustion and the drugs or should I say poison finally taking over. I thought I was going to die, and to be honest, I would have welcomed it. I woke up, I don’t know how long later, in a small cottage. I was bound and chained, apparently there was a bounty on my head. The man of that house was abusing his wife and son. Nial, he was around ten years old, set me free. I climbed out of the window, only to see his father hit him so hard he smashed his head in. His mother cradled his unresponsive body to her chest. I wanted to help, but she told me to run. Just like my mother and father had, and I did. I ran,” The tears are streaming down my face unchecked, as I continue to tell my story. I am taken back to that time, that place.

I looked at Nial’s mother, desperate to help her, to help the young man who had set me free.

“Go, you have caused enough trouble. Just get out of here,” she yells at me.

I hated that I had to run once more, but I did what she wanted, and headed off away from that cottage as I heard the sound of sirens in the distance and prayed that they save Nial and his mother. I remember the conversation that an Alpha was coming to get me. I double back, and hide in the undergrowth near the cottage, as I watched the Ambulance speed away with my little hero and his mother in the back. I dare not give in to the hope that Nial will be okay. I hunch down as I wait to see who the Alpha is that is coming with three million euros to take me away and kill me. I wait and wait, but nobody shows up, and so I do what I do best and run. Leaving not only my pack lands, but my country behind.

As I come out of my memory, Davina is sitting closer to me, her small hand resting on my arm as she looks at me, tears streaming down her face.

“I am sorry you went through that,” she whispered softly.

I sniff and blow out a breath. It is the first time I have spoken about this to anyone. As painful as it is to relieve that time of my life, it feels like a load has been lifted from my soul.

“Fast forward to the night, I saw you. You were in the club. I saw you, waiting at the bar when your friend was climbing up the guy she was with. I was not the only one. The men in that place all wanted you. I know you don’t believe me, but it is true. Your friend may have got the physical attention, but trust me, all eyes were on you. However, young men want a good time only, and you screamed of innocence and the type of woman who demanded commitment. Not something they want at that age. I felt a connection with you. Strange, I know, but you know, this thing between us is strong. Even now, despite everything,” I notice she doesn’t refute that, and it feels good to know that we are on the same page.

“I followed you out of the club, with one intention. To protect you, because I knew you were on your own. When I saw you going down that alley, I was horrified and followed to make sure you were safe. Then that happened. I hated myself for giving in to temptation, for being the person I was supposed to be protecting you from. I failed, again. When I told you that I couldn’t love you, it was because right until Max held me in his arms, I was terrified of love. It hurts when you are unable to protect that person, and they are ripped from you. I honestly thought I was saving you by running from you,” I try to explain.

Davina sniffles slightly and nods her head, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.

“For what it is worth, you were not the only one who lost your virginity that night,” I look at her, begging her to believe me.

Her eyes widen as she locks her beautiful blue eyes with mine, but then I see it, the carefully constructed wall that she has built around her heart. She is strengthening her internal fortress, not trusting the connection, and second-guessing herself. It is utterly heart-wrenching to see the lack of confidence manifesting itself in her eyes. She blinks, and tilts her head, clearly searching for something to say to change the subject from her. From us.

“That is why you slept underneath the caravan. Because you didn’t want to fail again,” she whispered softly to me.

“Yeah,” I shrug slightly, knowing that she needs me to focus on something other than her. But one day she will believe me. I will make damn well sure of it.

“You didn’t fail anybody, Mars. You were attacked. As a mother, you have to know that I would want Max to run. As his father, you would want that as well,” she tells me.

“God yes, he is more important than anybody,” I told her. The thought of losing Max is unbearable, more painful than everything before it. God, I have to protect him. Protect her.

“So were you, to your parents. Most parents feel that way,” Davina tells me with a sadness in her voice that makes me wonder if hers had not felt that way. If that is where the lack of confidence stems from.

“You were drugged. It was not your fault. None of it.” She continues. I want to believe her, I really do, but I cannot forget the absolute fact that I was the Alpha, after my parents were killed, I should have fought for my pack.

“So now you know that me running had nothing to do with you, but everything to do with me, and being terrified that to love you would be to lose you and that I couldn’t risk failing you the way I have failed so many others,” I ask, well, plead with her, hoping that she understands so that we can move past this.

“I understand. Do I agree with your thoughts on being a failure? Definitely not. But I understand why you might feel that way,” she tells me with a soft smile on her face.

“What about now though? Not me, but Max. Can you put all that fear to one side and be there for our son?” she asks me.

“I am always going to fear failing him, and you. But I will not run from this. The only running I am doing is towards both Max and you,” I told her, meaning every last word.

“Anyway, enough about me. What about you Davina Morris, how are you here with Max, all alone?” I asked, and saw her face pale slightly, as she took a deep breath and then looked at me with eyes that begged me to be trustworthy of her deepest thoughts and fears. Then slowly she shakes her head at me.

“I will tell you, but not tonight. Tonight, we relax,” Davina states, and I respect her decision and do not press the matter.

“Oh, I wanted to ask about tomorrow. I have two full days off a week, Fridays, and Mondays. The two change over days. I know you are leaving on Monday. Nothing is open other than the soft play tomorrow. After I take Max and give him his archery lesson, would you like to get off the site for a bit? Maybe head down to Bamburgh beach, or across to Holy Island for the day. It is going to be nice again,” I ask her.

“Holy Island sounds amazing. I have always wanted to go,” she smiles at me.

“Then it is a date,” I grin at her, as her cheeks flush once more, and I filled her wine, feeling lighter and happier than I have for years.