Chapter 6

Anwen could not keep the smile off of her face as she walked towards the ballroom of the palace with her mother. She had spent a wonderful afternoon in the arms of her king. She felt very loved and desired at the moment. She also liked how she looked that evening. Her deep blue gown fit her well without being uncomfortable. It was a little lower cut than she was used to, but she did not think it was indecent. The skirt was full, and the bodice had small sparkly gems sewn into it so it glimmered in the candlelight. Mrs. Owens had pulled her hair up but left several curls to tumble down her neck and frame her face. She thought she looked well even next to her radiant mother.

Her mother was a beautiful woman. She was in her fourth decade, but you could not tell it. Her hair was still golden and shiny. The skin on her face remained unlined. Her waist was trim, and her figure elegant. Anwen thought her mother could even outshine almost all women half her age. She certainly turned the heads of most men that she met.

Of course, Anwen’s mother also had a Gift for allurement. She could charm anyone she pleased if she released her power. Her mother was always careful to not go too far. She did not like to take advantage of people, but she could calm someone anxious. She could help ease the pain of someone who was hurt. She could turn negotiations her way if she had to.

As they waited in a short line to enter the ballroom her mother turned to her. “You look positively radiant, my dear. You are always lovely, but there is something about you tonight. I think you might be glowing.”

Anwen suppressed a smile and tried to keep her cheeks from blushing. “It is the effect of a beautiful dress and a skilled servant and nothing more.”

“Perhaps it is being in the company of a handsome, charming man,” laughed her mother quietly. Anwen turned abruptly and looked at the queen. “Prince Rillian does seem to enjoy your company, Anwen. You must admit he is a pleasant, good-looking young man.”

The prince hadn’t even been remotely in Anwen’s thoughts, but she nodded. “Yes, he is very friendly. I enjoy his company.”

Her mother glanced at her and then looked away. She turned back to Anwen and said in a whisper, “He would make you a good consort, I think. He needs to grow up a little, but he seems intelligent and kind. You should keep him in mind.”

Anwen closed her eyes for a second. She could not keep him in mind for anything because her mind and heart were too full of her king. “Mother, I know you want what is best for me, but you agreed to let me make my own decisions.”

“I did, and I will. Still, you should keep your options open. It seems the king is. He was greeting people in the company of the Parvillian princess, and she spent all of the luncheon talking of their upcoming marriage. The way she went on, it sounded as if he had already made her promises.”

“But he has not,” said Anwen. “She can talk all she wants, but in the end, it will only matter what the king decides.”

Her mother took her hand. “I do not wish for you to get hurt, dearest. You have suffered too much already. Please watch yourself, and do not let yourself be led astray by the lustful urges of a young man.”

Anwen felt her cheeks blossom and hurt fill her chest. It was not like that with Maddoc. Yes, they both enjoyed that aspect of their relationship, but there was so much more. Even after he loved her that afternoon, he did not leave her. He stayed behind and spoke to her about his kingdom. He listened to her as she talked of her travels. She had to practically force him through the wall when Mrs. Owens knocked on the door to prepare her for the ball.

“Please mother,” hissed Anwen. “Someone will hear you, and I do not wish to speak of it now. Just trust me when I saw I know what I am doing, and I know what I want.”

Her mother nodded as they walked forward. When they entered the room, her mother was greeted quickly by both the king from Parvilia and Bellican. Anwen saw Prince Rillian coming her way when she felt someone grab her hand and pull her to the side. She looked over to find Elias kissing her hand.

“It is about time I got a moment with you, princess. You must dance the first dance with me.”

She laughed a little. “You certainly know how to make an impression, Elias. Isn’t there a young lady or two you would do better to dance your first with?”

“I find myself courting two young ladies at the moment, and I would not like to single either one out. Now, please dance with me as I have missed you terribly.” He smiled at her charmingly.

“Very well. If nothing else, it will help me avoid showing too much favor to a certain young prince,” said Anwen looking over her shoulder.

“And…” said Elias as he pulled her closer, looking at her expectantly

“And I have missed you as well, my lord.” Anwen shook her head but could not keep the smile off her face.

“Of course, you did. I am sure you missed me more than anyone here. Well, except for one person.” Elias looked over her at someone across the room. “I dare say my king will not be pleased with me for a time, but hopefully he will be in a more forgiving mood than he has been in now that you are here.”

“Has your king been in a bad mood?”

“Terrible, really. He can’t take my teasing at all, and you know I cannot help myself.” Elias held out his arm to Anwen, and she took it.

“You told me you would watch out for him, Elias.”

“I have been. I have joined his council and supported him in his decisions. My teasing was only meant to lighten his mood, but I suppose there was only one cure for his displeasure.”

They walked out on the dance floor and took their place not far from Maddoc who was paired with the Parvillian princess. He glanced at Anwen and Elias with a deep frown on his face. Anwen smiled at him, and she saw his frown lighten a little. She danced with Elias as he told her about the council meetings and the difficulties of courting two women.

“Perhaps you should choose one, my lord, and your troubles would be over.”

He shook his head with a smile. “If only it were that simple, my princess. I find that I cannot make a choice in favor of either one.”

“Have you strived to get to know them as I told you to?”

“I believe so though they aren’t easy to get to know.” He looked at her for a moment. “Perhaps you could help me.”

“How so?”

“Women are more open with other women. You could get to know the two young ladies and give me your opinion on them. I trust you know what I need in a wife.”

“Elias, that is quite ridiculous. How could I possibly know who would suit you?”

“You know me well enough to understand who would do well with me. I’m not asking you to make a commitment for me. Just get to know the ladies and give me your opinion. Then I shall be able to make a decision on how to proceed.”

Anwen sighed. “I don’t know, Elias. I have enough of my own troubles at the moment in making decisions.”

“This will help keep your mind off of things, and I believe we both know your decision is already made. Soon, neither of you will be able to deny what you both know is true any longer. I expect a shocking announcement to be made by our king in no longer than three weeks.”

She shook her head again as he laughed at her. “Fine, I will get to know your ladies. I will tell you what I find, but then you will make your own decisions based on your own feelings. I will not be held accountable for any choices you make for a wife.”

“Thank you, princess. I will find a way to repay your kindness.”

“Will you? How so?”

“As much as I do not want to do it, I am able to distract the Parvillian princess at times. I will find ways to keep her busy so you can have uninterrupted time with your king.”

She smiled as they finished their dance. She danced with a few other lords she had met earlier in the fall before Prince Korben asked her to dance. She forced herself to smile and accept.

“I am very glad you were able to come to the Festival,” said the prince.

“My mother said we would come, and we do keep our word in my kingdom,” replied Anwen.

“But you never know with the weather if the roads will be passable. Luckily, we have had a rather mild winter so far. I am sure that helps out your kingdom as well.”

“I believe it has though there is still too much sickness in parts of Lucidala. I have been riding out helping to cure those I could.”

“So, your Gift has been fully set free. You have full control over your powers?” The prince asked as he turned her for the dance.

“Yes, I have full use of my Gift, and I am learning to control all my powers. They do tend to have a mind of their own at times, but I am much better at handling them than before.”

“It is a tremendous Gift you have, princess. There must be many wonderful things you can do with it. It raises the value of your kingdom, I believe.”

“How so?” she asked.

“You must see how you could bargain with your new powers. If you truly can heal the very sick and fix sallow land, you could use your Gift to get whatever you want for Lucidala.”

“I wish people would value Lucidala for what it is. It is a wonderful place full of good people. Our value is in our people from all stations.”

“That is prettily said, princess, but we both know it is not true,” said the Prince with a grin. “The only value each kingdom has is what others can use from it.”

“I do not like your idea of what gives value, and while there are some that I am sure share your views, I believe we can all do better. My Gift was given to me by the gods, and I will not use it for personal gain. It is meant to be used to serve others without the demand for payment.”

The prince laughed.

“You think me silly and stupid,” said the princess.

“No, not at all. I think you are young and idealistic. It is very charming and becomes you very well. I believe as you grow and mature you will have a more realistic view of the land. Especially if you have the right partner to lead you through life.”

“I believe you are wrong. I am steadfast in my beliefs, and I would never attach myself to one who would want me to change in such a way.” Anwen was growing uncomfortable with the way he was talking and seemed to be bringing her closer to him.

“We will see, princess. You are right about serving others and your kingdom, and I believe you will always choose to do what is right for Lucidala and the whole land.”

She nodded. “I will, but I will also not give up who I know that I am.”

“Yes, you are very charming when you argue your side so. I’ve never seen such bright eyes. I like your passion, princess. While I believe your views will become more realistic, I would hate for you to lose that passion.”

Anwen was very glad the dance ended soon after his last statement because she was ready to push him away and run from the room. She held her composure even when he took much too long to kiss the back of her hand. She spotted Lord Aidan at a nearby table and started walking towards him, wanting the steadiness she always felt after a conversation with him, when a hand caught hers.

“Dance with me, Anwen,” said Lachlan as he pulled her towards him. She wanted so much to refuse and was about to do so when he spoke again, “Please, I am finally away from Gwendolyn for a bit as she is standing up with some lord. Dance with me.”

“I am not sure it is appropriate,” responded Anwen, hoping to still get out of it.

“Why would it not be appropriate? It is only one dance in a very public place. It would draw more attention if you left me here.”

She knew he was right, so she nodded her head. He smiled as he walked her back to the dance floor. She tried to position herself as far away from him as she could, but he drew her in so forcefully, it made her give a small yelp.

The music started again, and Anwen focused on the steps looking anywhere but at Lachlan. She saw Brennan and Roxanna close by, Brennan giving her a concerned look. She saw Elias looking rather bored as he danced with Lady Alys. Finally, she saw Maddoc as he danced with his mother. The queen was speaking rapidly while Maddoc looked elsewhere. He spotted Anwen and tilted his head at her. She rolled her eyes, and it made him grin.

“Anwen, you don’t know how good it feels to be with you like this. I always loved dancing with you,” said Lachlan, forcing Anwen to glance at him.

She gave him half a grin. “I have been told by many that I am a good dancer.”

“You are, but it is not just that.” He pulled her closer. She tried to step away, but he kept her close to him as he leaned down. “It feels so right to have you in my arms. I don’t know how I have gone so long without holding you. I miss you every moment of every day.”

“You cannot speak to me like this. You made your decision, Lachlan, and we both have to live with it. For my part, I have moved on, and it seems you have as well.”

“Have you really moved on, Anwen?” he asked. “Do you not still think of me at times? Have you forgotten all we shared?”

She gave a small laugh. “Trust me, I have forgotten nothing that we shared. It has made me feel shame many of my days. I have spent too many hours thinking of what a fool I was.”

“No. What we shared was not wrong.” He took a deep breath and let it out, tickling her ear. “I know I have hurt you in so many ways, and if I had it to do over again, I would do so everything differently.” He paused for a second and swallowed hard. “I don’t want to marry Gwendolyn. I cannot do it.”

She leaned back a little and looked up at him. “You will have to marry her. You made her a promise in front of our whole kingdom. You should marry her as there is nothing else for you, especially with me.”

“I don’t believe you,” he said quietly. “I know you still love me. You might be distracted by another, but you know he can never have the connection I have with you. We are perfect together, Anwen. I can’t believe that I have ruined something so wonderful as you and me. There must be a way back.”

“There is not,” she said adamantly. “I did love you, Lachlan. I know I did. I don’t wish you ill now, but my love for you is gone. If you want me to be completely honest, I will tell you my heart is full of another.”

“It will not work out with the king, Anwen,” said Lachlan in a whisper. “He will do what he is told in the end. A marriage between him and the Parvillian princess is already widely talked of. Your supposed love for him can come to nothing,”

“My love for him is very real. Even if it comes to nothing, I will never regret loving him, and I will not stop loving him. My feelings for you have nothing to do with the king. You betrayed me in a way that my feelings for you could never recover. You will marry Gwendolyn, and I will live my own life separately.”

“I don’t believe you. I will show you how wrong you are,” Lachlan said forcefully. “I will find a way for us to be together, and we will be even happier than we were before. I love you.”

“You do not love me, Lachlan. No one in love could do what you have done.” The music ended and Anwen moved out of his embrace. “Please do not speak to me of this again. It will do no good.”

She walked away from him feeling odd. She almost felt violated though he hadn’t really done anything to her. What could he mean he was in love with her? How could he be after all he had done? She wished she never had to see him again, but he was tied to many of the same people as her.

As she walked to the side, she almost wished she could marry Maddoc immediately and truly be just his queen, leaving Lucidala forever. She could stay in Calumbria and leave the future of her kingdom in the hands of Gwendolyn. As she walked closer to a table where Lord Aidan sat laughing with Brennan and Roxanna, she knew she could never do it. She could never completely give up her kingdom or those she loved.

She sat down next to Lord Aidan, and the old man looked at her with concern. “Are you well, princess? Perhaps you are tired from our travels and the events of the day.”

“I am sure it has more to do with her last dancing partner, grandfather. You must have seen how Lachlan coerced her into a dance,” said Brennan.

“He was not inappropriate with you, was he, Anwen?” asked Lord Aidan.

“I would rather not speak of it. Whatever he has to say to me cannot affect me any longer. What is important is he has made his choice, and he must see it through.” Anwen poured a cup of wine from the pitcher on the table.

“I can speak with him and make sure he doesn’t bother you, Anwen,” said Lord Aidan. “You shouldn’t have to listen to his regrets. He has only himself to blame for his troubles.”

“You can try to talk to him, but I doubt he will listen. He seems to be under some delusion that we could still be together. As I said before, I do not wish to speak of it.” She took a drink of wine. “Are you all enjoying the ball?”

“It is very grand,” said Roxanna after a moment. “I have never seen such a large room as this or so many grand people dressed so. I feel almost shabby.”

“Never, my dear. You outshine everyone here,” said Brennan. He kissed her hand and then smiled at Anwen. “Present company excluded, of course.”

Anwen laughed. “I do not mind that your sweet lady should outshine me to you, Brennan. I rather prefer it. You are lovely, dear Roxanna, and you have something that many people here do not. You are a good woman with pure intentions. That sets you apart from over half the room.”

“You as well, then,” said Roxanna. “And here comes someone I believe thinks you are the most beautiful woman in the room for sure.”

Anwen looked over to see Prince Rillian walking her way. She did her best to put on a welcoming smile as he stood before her. “Princess, I believe we are at the last few songs of the evening, and I haven’t gotten the chance to speak with you, let alone dance with you. Will you do me the honor.”

Anwen hesitated as Lord Aidan spoke. “Go dance with him, my girl. I am sure he will be more agreeable than your last partner. He will at least make you smile, and I do like to see you smile.”

“Very well, Prince Rillian, I shall give you one dance. If nothing else, it shall please my dear friend, Lord Aidan.”

“I thank you, princess, and more so you, Lord Aidan,” said Prince Rillian as he held out his hand.

Anwen took it and stood up. He led her out onto the dance floor as the music began. “I have tried and tried to find you this evening, princess, but you always seem engaged with someone. I didn’t realize you were so popular here in Quinlan.”

“I made many friends when I was here a few months ago. I was a moment of curiosity when things were dull in the fall. I am happy most still wish to speak with me.”

“Who wouldn’t wish to speak with you? I can barely think of anyone I have enjoyed speaking with as much as I do you. If nothing else, it is worth it to see your beautiful eyes sparkle when you laugh.”

Anwen shook her head slightly. “You are going too far with your flirtations, dear prince. If someone hears you, they will talk.”

“Does it matter if they do? You know, Anwen, a match between us wouldn’t be so awful. You are lovely and good, and I don’t think I am all together terrible.”

She laughed as she couldn’t help it. “No, you aren’t terrible at all, but I hardly know you. It is a little early to speak of matches.”

“Perhaps, but there have been those who have married knowing less of their partners than you and I.”

“True, but I am not the sort of woman who wants to marry without some affection on both sides. I should like to know my future husband very well before I submit my life to him.” Anwen glanced over to the side where Maddoc stood drinking some wine and watching her.

“To be honest, I would like to get to know a woman before tying myself to her as well.” He turned her for the dance, and they separated for a moment. When they came back together, he smiled. “At least I shall have a few weeks to get to know you better. Perhaps, we will find that we are suited after all.”

“Or maybe we will find we are better as friends,” said Anwen.

“It could be. I would like us to remain on good terms no matter what happens. Either way, I think I should like to get to know you better.”

Anwen looked away and towards Maddoc. He saw him laughing at something Princess Meira had said as she stood beside him. Anwen looked away with a small sigh.

“I am not opposed to spending time with you, Prince Rillian. I think I might enjoy getting to know you better.”

“I am very glad to hear it, princess. You have made my night.”

They spent the rest of the dance speaking of many different topics and those around them. Anwen found herself laughing and smiling through much of their conversation. He was a very good-looking man, and she let herself be charmed by him for just a few moments. She did promise her mother she would think about other options, and she might as well find an option she didn’t mind spending time with.

After her dance with Prince Rillian, she walked to the side to be alone for a few moments. She took up a cup of wine and drank, watching the couples before her. As the music started to wind down, someone came up to her side.

“I believe the last dance is coming up, princess,” said Maddoc as he stood close to her.

“I think you are right, your majesty,” she said as she took a sip of her wine.

“You know what that means don’t you?” he asked as he looked down at her.

“That soon I will be able to go to my bed and get some rest?” She gave him a small smile.

“You will go to bed soon I think, but how much rest you will get I cannot say. I was speaking of something else. It is the last dance, and that means you shall dance with me.” He took her cup from her hand and placed it on a nearby table.

“Shouldn’t you dance with your princess? Doesn’t your mother expect it?”

He took her hand. “I will dance with my princess. The only one I really want, and I don’t care what my mother or anyone else expects. I will do as I wish.”

He led her out on the dance floor and pulled her as close as he dared. She felt her face heat up. Her chest felt a little funny as it always did in his presence. She looked up at him, knowing she was not doing a good job of hiding her true feelings. As he gazed down at her, she could see he was looking at her openly with desire and admiration.

The music started, and they danced. “It has been torture watching you all evening, knowing I could not come to you as I wish, Anwen.”

“I have had a hard time not staring at you all evening, my king. I probably looked too much as it is.”

“I wanted to come tell you how absolutely beautiful you are. When you walked in, I forgot how to breathe for a moment. I almost walked up to you and kissed you. I believe I would have if that annoying princess had not grabbed my arm.” He pulled her even closer. “I am not sure how long I can wait until I let everyone know you are mine. You must marry me, Anwen.”

“It is not that I don’t want to, Maddoc, but we made a promise to look at other options and to know for sure this is what we want.”

“I don’t want anyone else. I am very sure about us. You are the only woman I will ever truly love.”

“My heart is decided as well. I know I love you, but there are other things to consider. As much as you don’t want to think about it, we both have to consider more than just ourselves. We owe it to our kingdoms and our people to make sure this is the right thing to do.”

He sighed. “I will do as I told your mother I would, but I don’t think anything will change. If I am to be a good king to my people, I need you. Think of how worthless I was until I met you.”

She laughed a little. “You were not worthless. You just needed someone to push you a little. I believe you would have found your way in the end even without me, but I was glad to help you.”

He shook his head. “You saved me, Anwen, and I don’t just mean on that road to my kingdom. I will only be a man worth anything because of my love for you.”

She took a shuddering breath. “I think you saved me in a way too, Maddoc. I thought my heart was broken beyond repair before you. You showed me I was wrong.”

They danced in silence for a few moments, Anwen feeling tears in her eyes for some reason. “Please tell me you will come to me tonight, my princess,” he said very softly. “I cannot bear to be without you. Even if you just sleep in my arms, it will be enough.”

“I had it in my mind that perhaps we should not see each other at night to help with our decisions, but I know how foolish that is. I could never stay away from you, Maddoc. I will come to you tonight and every night you want me.”

“I will always want you, Anwen. You must know it by now.”

The dance ended, and Maddoc gave her hand a soft kiss. “Good night, princess,” he said with a small wink.

She walked from the room with her mother who glanced at her periodically as they made the slow procession from the ballroom following others. When they got to the entry hall and gained some space her mother looked at her more closely. “You seemed to have had an interesting night, Anwen.”

“It was and mostly enjoyable. There were a few dance partners I could have done without.”

“So I saw.” Her mother took her hand and squeezed it. “I worry about you, my dear. You need to be careful. I know how wise and strong you are, but some of these men do not understand a woman when she says no. You must promise me you will not find yourself in some situation where you could be taken advantage of.”

“I will not, mother. You have taught me well. I know how to take care of myself. Besides, I believe I am more closely watched by many than you realize.” Anwen moved away from her mother to receive Lord Elias as he said good night.

“I wished I would have had more time to speak with you, princess, but I am sure more opportunities will come up. You will be a part of the hunt later this week, won’t you?”

“You know I will, Elias. I hope to have something to report to you after I spend some time with certain young ladies during tea the next few days.”

Elias took her hand and bowed over it, giving it a kiss. “You are too good, Princess Anwen. I hope you have a pleasant and restful night. You too, your majesty.”

“Thank you, my lord,” said her mother as she looked at Elias.

He bowed and walked away. “My heavens, Anwen, how many young men do you have paying you attention?”

“Too many, mother, but not Elias. I am on a mission for him.”

Her mother only shook her head with a laugh as they both walked towards the stairs. They said good night on the second-floor landing as Anwen walked on to enter her room. Mrs. Owens was efficient in helping her to change into her nightgown and robe. Anwen spent a few moments chatting with the woman before Mrs. Owens left for the evening. She went into her bedroom and looked at herself in her mirror, pulling a comb through her long hair, trying to smooth it a bit.

“Is this wise?” she asked quietly out loud.

She wanted to be with Maddoc. She didn’t know if she could resist going to him. The more she was with him, the more she knew she could not have any other. He seemed to feel the same. She knew she wanted to marry him, but what would it do to him to pick her? Would he lose his family? Would he lose the support of some of his lords? Could having her ruin him in some way? She could not bear to be the cause of his downfall.

She walked away from her mirror and to the wall that held the secret passageway. What could she do but go to him? Even if it all came to nothing, she would not waste any time they did have together. She grabbed a candle and lit it with a touch using her Gift. Opening the wall, she took a deep breath and stepped through.

She hurried through the passageway, looking down at her feet in front of her. She was not paying attention to her surroundings, and he was upon her before she knew it. One of his arms encircled her waist and crushed her to him. His lips found hers, and she closed her eyes as her king kissed her thoroughly.

“I thought you had changed your mind,” said Maddoc as he pulled back. “I was coming to convince you to come to me.”

“I did take a moment to think it over,” said Anwen as he held on to her, “But I cannot stay away from you. Even if in the end, you cannot choose me, I will not lose the time we have.”

He kissed her again. “You are the only choice I can make, and I will spend every moment I can proving it to you. Come with me, Anwen.”

She nodded and they walked side by side through the passageway as he kept his arm around her. When they got to his room, he blew out his candle and put it aside before taking hers and doing the same. When he turned back to her, she immediately kissed him as he wrapped her in his arms, picking her up and taking her to his bed.

“I do love you, Maddoc,” she said as he looked down at her. “It is because of how much I love you, that I want you to be sure. I could not live with myself if you grew to regret being with me.”

“I could never regret being with you, Anwen. The only regrets I shall have are if I let you go. You need to understand that I know what I want and need. My only goal is to convince you the only way forward is us together.”

She pulled him down to her. When they were together like this, all doubts she had of their future almost completely faded away.