Chapter Thirteen—Struggle

As I wait for Nana, I have indulged myself with this giant cake that was in the middle of the table near Nana’s station. It was too delicious to share, I would prefer to eat it on my own. I was too occupied with the cake when a voice suddenly asked from behind me, “Robert, what are you doing?”

I turned around to see Nana, shocked. “Oh, hello, Nana,” I greeted as I moved back an inch.

She moved closer and an expression of horror rose on her face. Her eyes widened as she asked, “Robert, what did you do to this cake?”

“It was on the table, and nobody was taking notice of it, so I thought I could have a few bites,” I replied. “Would you like some?”

“Nobody is touching it because no one was supposed to touch it!” she answered, examining the whole cake.

“What do you mean? Isn’t this supposed to be for dinner?” I asked, baffled.

“This was for dinner, but this was for the lords! Your father invited them over to celebrate their success on their trade,” she explained.

“Oh! I didn’t mean to!” I stood in a panic. “I’m very sorry, Nana, I didn’t know! I’ll fix it right now!” I continued, trying to grab the cake, which Nana quickly moved away from me.

She let out a sigh. “There’s no need for you to worry, Robert,” she walked up to me and rubbed my back in comfort. “I’ll have the bakers make a new one. You can finish the cake if you want to.” She turned to the bakers, “William! Philip! Kindly make another cake and please put a sign that it mustn’t be touched.” The bakers nodded and went straight to work. She sat beside me, “And since you were already enjoying yourself, how about I join you?”

“Allow me to get you a plate and fork,” I smiled, standing up. I walked to the cupboard behind us and grabbed what we needed. As I returned to the table, I put the plate and fork in front of her.

“Thank you, son,” she said as she took the knife and took a slice from the cake.

I sat back down. “I think Elizabeth would like some of this when she wakes up,” I suggested. “Can we have some delivered to my room? That’s where Elizabeth is sleeping.”

“That’s a good idea, Robert! We can’t finish this whole cake by ourselves, anyway. Krisha?” she called out to the maid sweeping the floor. She put the broom on the side and approached us. “Would you be so kind to get me a plate and fork?” Nana smiled at her.

Krisha nodded and proceeded to do what Nana asked for.

“How’s your day so far?” I asked.

“If we’re going to talk about what I usually do here in the castle then I would say, nothing exciting,” she giggled before sharing a laugh. “Are you asking about Mallory’s well-being as well?”

I sighed before a nod, taking another bite from the cake.

“There’s nothing wrong if you’re concerned about her well-being, Robert. I know you treat her as your sister,” Nana continued as she rubbed my back as comfort.

Krisha finally returned with a plate and fork. Then, Nana put two slices of cake on the empty plate. “Bring this to His Highness’s room,” Nana instructed, handing the plate over to her. “The princess is asleep in the prince’s room. Tell her His Highness sent this for her,” she continued.

Krisha nodded and put the plate and fork on a tray. Then, she went on her way.

I replied, crossing my arms on the table, “I feel like… I have no right to ask about her anymore. I do care for her; I see her as my sister. But at the same time, I’m fearful of the thought that if she found out that I asked about her well-being, she might misinterpret it. It could make her think that I’m in love with her when I’m not. She expects too much from me.”

I never hated Mallory, even though she has managed to irritate and frustrate me for quite some time now. I still regarded her as a sister, a friend and my care for her will remain in me for the rest of my life. Whether she accepts it or not, I will continue to look after her as I always have.

“Have you tried explaining everything to her? She’s an understanding person, Robert. She has proven that countless times,” she asked.

“I explained everything to her, Nana, countless times. And during those times, I was patient with her, trying to open her eyes to the truth but her heart wouldn’t accept it,” I said. I took another bite before adding, “I never wanted to push her away. But her actions aren’t much of a help.”

Nana put her hand on my arm as she looked at me directly. “There’s no need to torture yourself because of this. As a future king, you must accept that you can’t control everything. You have to have grace and understanding with anything that will happen in your life,” she explained.

I nodded.

She smiled as she touched my face, giving it a light tap after. “Now, are you going to eat more of this?” she pointed at the cake, not even half done.

I chuckled, “I don’t think I can have another bite, Nana. This cake is a bit heavier than the usual cakes you make.”

She giggled. “I’ll cover the cake so if you get hungry again, you can always come back and have a bite. Unless one of the cooks got to it first,” she winked.

“Thank you, Nana,” I stood and kissed her on her cheek.

“Is there anything else that you would be doing today?” she asked.

Now that Nana has mentioned it, I haven’t planned anything today. Then, I suddenly remembered what Elizabeth told me, which was to go and give reading a try. It’s not what I really want to do during my spare time, but it shouldn’t hurt either. “I would probably go to the library and read something.”

“The library?” Nana’s eyes widened as she turned to me. “Why would you go there when you hate reading?” She then walked to me and put her hand on my forehead. “Are you sick? Is there something wrong with you today?”

I smiled as I removed her hand. “Nana, I’m fine. I simply don’t have anything to do today and Elizabeth suggested that. I know it sounded strange, even I’m surprised that I came to this decision. I don’t know how long I will be able to bear the silence and endless sight of words.”

“You will last, son. I’m sure you will,” she encouraged, putting her hands on my shoulders, which she pulled instantly.

I sighed and nodded. “I guess I’m going to the library, a place suggested by my sister who’s an incredible enthusiast of books,” I groaned as I made my way to the exit.

“I wish you all the luck and patience, young one,” Nana remarked. I let out an uninterested chuckle, knowing that my next destination isn’t something that I should be happy or excited about. The very last place that I would want to stay in—except for James’ study—is the library ♔♔♔

The door creaked, echoing as I slowly pushed it open. A familiar friend greeted me: silence that stretched across the room. Absolute silence is music to my ears, but it can also make you insane, especially when you’re surrounded by nothing but books.

I scanned the bookshelves, looking for an interesting book title to read. Elizabeth said that reading can be fun and exciting if I put my mind to it. Whilst looking for a book to read, an untitled book caught my attention. It was a blue book with no title whatsoever.

I grabbed it from the shelf and walked to the chair by the window as I opened it. There was no title on the inside, either. I quickly turned the pages up to the very first chapter as I sat down, the light from the outside illuminated the whole room, not leaving one corner unilluminated. I laid back onto the chair and began to read, “In an ancient village, lying in between two majestic mountains…”

♔♔♔

I’ve been reading for a while and lost track of time very quickly. Two things were certain: the moon is already up in the sky and I’m currently reading a chapter titled Ye Love of Old. This book told stories about the legends of our realm. Mother has always told to me stories before I go to bed. I didn’t know they were this well-known and even studied by the wisest people that came and went.

And I have to admit I enjoyed reading today, which is completely unbelievable because I always hated it. It’s all thanks to my tutors who would make me read large books about history, my lessons, and a monarch’s duty. Those books gave me the reason to avoid books and, sadly, it happened. My sister was right, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. However, my happiness was interrupted by a sudden and rather unwanted entry: Bethilda. After she entered the room, I cleared my throat and continued reading.

“Robert!” she called out to me, almost screaming. Her voice echoed throughout the room. “Robert, dear!” she continued, her shoes patted onto the floor as she quickly approached me.

I sighed, putting the book down. With hesitation, I turned in her direction.

“Oh, jolly! I never thought I’d find you here. I haven’t seen you anywhere in the castle, either,” she remarked as she stood in front of me. “I didn’t know you loved to read. James mentioned that you never liked the library.”

“As a fellow monarch, I do not doubt that you know that silence should be observed within a library. Even an uneducated person would know that through common sense. You, of all people, should know better,” I said, crossing my arms. “I should be the one asking why are you here? My sister mentioned you were taking care of Mother.”

“Oh, forgive me for disturbing the peaceful atmosphere,” she leaned her face closer to her fan, lowering the volume of her voice. “I forgot that the library is where silence is deeply observed, especially in your castle,” she explained. “I’m here because I have nothing else to do and I feel like I’ll die of boredom if I don’t find anything to keep me occupied.” She then sat on the chair right across from me.

“What are you doing?” I asked, my brows furrowed and my eyes widened.

“Just taking a seat, child,” she replied, smiling.

“I know what you’re doing and I’m not a child,” I quickly replied. “What I meant by my question is why are you taking a seat?”

“Maybe we could have a little chat,” she crossed her legs as she leaned back into the chair. “I can see that both of us are here because we have nothing better to do so why not have a bit of a talk?”

“I came here to be alone and to have some peace, to rest my mind from everything that has happened today. I’m not here, waiting for someone to talk to,” I snapped.

“Well, son, sometimes, talking is better than reading. I don’t understand what you can get from these old things,” she scoffed as she grabbed the book I was reading and waved it in the air. “All they do is fill your mind with nonsense, making you hope in unrealistic things and forcing you to believe in imagination. There’s no realism in that aspect,” she continued as she dropped the book back on the desk with no sympathy, disgusted that she even touched it. “Talking with others can help you learn more about the world and you can get better lessons than from words on a page.”

My ears couldn’t believe what just came out of her mouth. A fellow monarch doesn’t appreciate or believe in the magic of books. As a part of the royal family, we’re obligated to read and dissect books. Examining almost every word on each page was the reason why I hated reading. But now, as I tried it once more, I appreciate the worlds that it showed me. But for someone such as Bethilda to think that reading is useless, I’m not quite sure if I should pity her or loathe her for her opinion. All I could do is give her a blank stare as I tried to process what I just heard.

“Would you rather fill your mind with nonsensical hope and daydreaming than learning something that you can use in the real world through personal communication?” she leaned in closer, smirking.

“First of all, it was my sister who suggested that I read and she’s one of the wisest people here in this kingdom. Frankly, I didn’t want to because I hated books because of how my tutor used them for my studies,” I started, pulling the book closer to me. “She said that books offer something different to a person and now that I’ve read something… I agree with her. A book can remind you of something that you think you already lost a long time ago. It gives you back the lost hope, the lost imagination, the lost child in you, which is why I have to disagree with your thinking that reading destroys one’s brain.”

She looked at me, stunned by my response. She was about to say something, but I continued talking.

“And second, what I don’t like about other people is when they try too hard to shove themselves into me when I show no interest in what they’re about to say. I prefer to daydream than to listen to someone who thinks she’s above everything that indicated learning,” I added.

She remained silent and just stared at me, caught off-guard. She then grew nervous, moving her fan faster and she cleared her throat.

“Now, if you’d excuse me,” I stood up, putting the book behind my back. “I would like to return to my bedroom and continue my reading there. Have a good evening, Aunt Bethilda,” I smiled in contempt as I walked away, thankful that I escaped her once more.

♔♔♔

Now, on my soft mattress with my back resting against the headboard, a few pillows behind my back to keep me comfortable as I’m nearing the end of the book. When I arrived, Elizabeth was no longer here, probably had her dinner with James. So, I had the chance to have some peace all to myself. The door began to open and as I looked, it was Elizabeth. “Hello, dear sister!”

“Oh, hello, little brother! I didn’t know you were here,” she smiled as she closed the door. She was about to approach me when she suddenly stopped. Her gaze landed on the book in my hands. “Am I seeing this clearly? Are you reading?” she asked in disbelief and amazement.

“Unfortunately, yes,” I smiled proudly. “This book has proven me wrong. Everything that I thought about reading was completely washed away by this one,” I explained as she walked towards me.

“Well then, I’m proud of you, young one,” she replied, sitting beside me. “You’ve finally found something better to do when you’re not cooped inside your study, handling reports.”

“And it’s all thanks to you,” I answered as I poked her arm. “Anyways, where have you been?” I asked, putting the book on my bedside table. “When I returned, you weren’t here.

She let out a sigh. The enthusiasm, the happiness on her face was immediately replaced by worry. “I visited Mother… and I didn’t like what I saw. She looked more and more ill with every single day that passed,” she explained. “I don’t think this fever of hers is just a fever. I fear that this might be something else, one that’s fatal for her.”

I put my hand on hers, gently rubbing them with my thumb. I’m carrying the same sentiments as Elizabeth. From the very beginning, I never believed that it was only a fever. And the Medicine King confirmed it to me. I don’t think Mother has disclosed it to Elizabeth yet, but I can understand why she wouldn’t want to tell us. She doesn’t want us to worry. I would love to share my thoughts with Elizabeth but if Mother hasn’t told her anything yet then I shouldn’t either.

“Shouldn’t we hope for the best instead of the worst?” I said in an attempt to comfort her. “You’re the one who keeps reminding me that.”

“Oh, Robert, I tried to think of other reasons why Mother is ill but… I couldn’t think of anything but the bad. Ever since she got sick, I already feared for the worst,” she answered, fear now evident in her face.

I sat up and moved closer to her, holding her in my arms. She may be the eldest child but that doesn’t mean I don’t protect her with everything that I have.

“Every single one of us fears the worst for Mother. I may not be showing it, but I think about her condition all the time,” I answered, comforting Elizabeth. “I don’t show it because she would worry more, and I wouldn’t want that. All we can do is be strong for her—with her—and pray that whatever kind of illness she currently has will end soon.”

“How can I be strong when the person giving me strength is weak?” she asked another, a tear fell from her eye. “Mother has been my source of strength, the rock that has kept me steady. To see her in such a condition where she can’t even sit properly… it’s too much for me. It’s tearing me to pieces,” she continued. “As more days pass by, as I continue to see her like that, I grow weaker with her. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

I understand why Elizabeth has such a strong bond with Mother. As a princess, she has spent most of her time with her, learning her ways and watching Mother do her duties as the queen. I was raised by my tutors but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have any bond with her. On the contrary, Mother was my first teacher. She taught everything before I was taken out of her care and then to my tutors. She has always guided me in everything that I do.

I gently rubbed Elizabeth’s back as she tried to stop her tears. “Hush now, dear sister. Everything will be all right. I can assure you that,” I gave her a comforting smile.

She smiled slightly as we hugged. At this moment, we’re each other’s support and source of comfort. We don’t expect much from James because as king, he already has his hands full.

And even though we’re raised in different environments, we have this strange yet undeniable connection that nobody—not even the two of us—could explain. We would be there for each other no matter what. Most of the nobles in our court are confused because they expect that we won’t have much of a relationship—a deep one, in our case—because of the values we were taught from an early age. But we don’t pay any mind to what other people say. My sister needs me now more than ever and I will always look after her as she does the same for me.

♔♔♔

The time for dinner has arrived and I’ve been sitting here on the balcony as I looked out to the distant mountains, watching every member of our household finish their outdoor chores for the day. The cool evening wind was very gentle when it touched my face. It whistled as it passed me by. A crescent moon smiled from the heavens, together with the stars as its usual companion.

The door creaked open. I quickly turned and it was Elizabeth. “I thought you were going to have dinner,” my brows furrowed, baffled.

“I told Gonzalo to bring our food here to your room,” she said, closing the door behind her. “I didn’t want to join James, Bethilda, and the lords of the court. It’s sickening to join those kinds of people during a meal,” she continued as she walked towards me. “And besides, I knew you wouldn’t want that as well.”

I let out a smile as I agreed with her statement. When she finally reached me, we both looked into the distance then gazed back at the garden. “Our household has done such a good job in making sure our garden is beautifully lit during the night,” I remarked. “A simple garden can be made into something magical.”

“I completely agree with you, brother,” she replied, putting her arm on my shoulder as she leaned into me. “You have the perfect view of the garden so for me to be able to see this is refreshing. I do envy you sometimes, all because of this view,” she giggled.

“But what’s more magical to see is the Mortal Realm and the people who live there,” I added.

“Why is that?” she asked as she looked at me.

“I’ve been observing them for quite some time now and it amazes me how they see life. They may live a simple life, but it is happy and they’re content with what they have,” I explained, smiling as words came out of my lips. I can’t help but think about Laura as I continued to talk about the Mortal Realm.

“That’s the same with our people, Robert,” she said. “Our people have found numerous ways to survive, making a life for themselves where they are content with what they have. That’s why I love joining our parents in their town visits. I’m able to see their smiling faces even though they live plainly and continue to work hard to meet their needs,” she continued. “I believe they’re the people who know more about life.”

“I’m quite sure they don’t have any regrets when death comes knocking at their doorstep,” I replied with a smile.

“Everybody has regrets, little brother,” she smiled as I looked at her. “You just have to accept it, forgive yourself, and move on with a happy heart.”

As we stared at the distant mountains once more, Laura invaded my thoughts. Could she still be mad at me? Will I see her again? Or has my pride and arrogance pushed her away for good? I’ve been wanting to talk to her, but it seems that time hasn’t permitted me to do so. I would like to visit her. But Grandpa Ben may already know something about what happened and he, too, might be upset with me.

My thoughts were disrupted by a sudden knock.

"That must be Gonzalo with our food. Would you like to join me?" she offered as she headed to the door.

"Maybe later. I'd like to enjoy the view a little longer," I smiled.

"Okay, then," she smiled.

As Elizabeth took care of our dinner, I reverted my attention to the garden, and something caught my attention. Someone was walking within the bush maze in our garden. Some kind of lantern can be seen moving within the maze. I wonder who that could be. Nobody goes into the maze alone and especially during this time of the night.

I was heading out of the room when Elizabeth asked, "Where are you going?"

I stopped and turned, "I'm going to check something. I'll be back shortly." I then rushed to the garden.

♔♔♔

When I entered the maze, everything was quiet. There was no rustling of leaves or footsteps that can be heard. "Is anyone out there?" I called out as I got deeper into the maze. As I passed by an eagle statue within the maze, I grabbed the torch from its talons. “Is anyone here?” I called out again before taking a turn.

I know this maze very well as it has been used to train my mind and Elizabeth’s. We spent half of our childhood, discovering the right path of this maze. And not everybody in the castle was given the same chance. “Is anyone here?” I called out again. “If there is someone here, you’re not supposed to be here, especially during this time of the night. You can get lost if you’re not familiar with this.”

Then, from a distance, I finally heard something: a brief crunch of grass from a short distance from me. Without a moment to lose, I followed the direction where it came from. I followed the path that I know, and I arrived at the intersecting part of the maze. One road in front of me, one on the left and one on the right. I know which path leads to the exit… but I’m not sure on which road to take to follow the noise I heard.

Footsteps then started coming from my left, so I followed what I heard, trusting my instincts and my ears. As I walked further into the path, I stumbled upon one of the arcs that were designed within the maze. Under the arc, a figure stood there and was talking to someone hidden behind the bush on the right.

“Who’s there?” I called out as I approached the silhouette, holding out my torch in front of me The figure quickly turned in my direction and walked towards me. As we got closer to each other, I began to recognize who it was. It was Nana.