Chapter 11: The Practice

I woke up knowing I was going to do something stupid today.

The idea came to me around 5am when I decided to take a walk, it was at this point my brain decided to stop pretending I had any control over this. My idea was for a private practice for Cassian and I alone, no cameras or teammates; just him and I.

Before I could send him a text, he texted me.

Cassian: Where are you at?

Me: I’m talking a walk, meet me at the rink at 7am; it’s a private practice, just you and I.

His response came in few minutes later.

Cassian: For someone who claims to not want this, you sure look for ways to be alone with me.

I didn’t send in a response, he was right anyway.

————

He was already at the rink when I got there.

He was skating alone without his usual headphones, he moved differently when he wasn’t putting up a performance for anyone, he moved at a deliberate pace, like he was listening to his body and being at one with it.

I stepped on to the ice.

He stopped skating immediately and turned to face me with a twinkle in his eye.

“A private practice with the Captain, what will people think of this?”

I ignored his look and skated towards him, stopping when I was few inches from him.

“I want to see how you really play when you’re not performing for an audience.”

A look flickered in his eyes but it was gone before I could decipher it; replaced by his charming smile.

“I’m disappointed, here I was, thinking you just wanted to get me alone.”

My mouth moved before my brain could process it. “I always want to get you alone.”

He was still.

“Then stop talking and show me.” He said.

————

The drill was simple, he’ll be on the attack, and I’ll defend; there was no rules or limits.

For his first attempt, he came at me too fast without thinking; relying on his speed and moves that worked against everyone else. I saw it coming, stepped into his lane and slid the puck away from his stick; he stumbled past me, losing his balance before quickly catching himself.

He turned around with a set jaw. “Let’s go again.”

The second, third, fourth and fifth attempt passed and it was all the same.

Each time I was able to intercept him, his frustration grew; his movement got sharper and more precise and his breathing got heavier; sweat dripped down his temple as his jersey stuck to his body.

“You’re still trying to be the pretty boy.” I called out. “There’s no one here for you to audition for, so be yourself.”

“Again.”

The sixth attempt.

He moved differently this time, he drove hard, protecting the puck while reading my angles.

I adjusted and stayed on him, we fought along the boards, with our sticks clashing and our bodies pressed against each other.

He almost had me, but I managed to strip the puck at the last second.

“Again.” I said.

Out of frustration, he slammed his stick against the board, turning to face me with a heaving chest and wild eyes.

“What exactly do you want from me?”

“I want you to stop playing for everyone and start playing for yourself.”

“I don’t know to do that.”

His words stunned me.

He stood there, looking at me with expectant eyes, like I had answers to give him, like I could fix all that was broken inside him.

“Let’s try this again.” I said gently. “This time, don’t overthink it, just move.”

He nodded and got into position.

Then he came at me.

————-

This time was different.

He moved without hesitation, he moved instinctively, driving hard at me with his body low and the puck protected, I matched his pace and we collided along the boards; fighting for control and position.

He almost slipped past me, but I recovered and stayed on him; we were too close now, our bodies were tangled and our sticks seemed useless at this point but neither of us gave up.

He shot towards the net, but I read it; I stepped in front, planting my body between him and the goal.

He didn’t stop moving, he crashed into me with full force and we hit the boards hard. The glass shuddered and our breaths came out in harsh pants; my arm pinned his chest and his stick clattered away.

Our faces were inches shy of each other.

Our breaths came out in visible wisps, as we stared at each other.

I was so close to him now, I could see all the things I didn’t see before; the small scar on his eyebrow, the way his lips parted like he was about to speak but forgot the words to say.

I should have pushed away or gotten up; I should have said something.

But I didn’t.

His chest heaved against my arm, and I could feel his heart racing.

“Tor.” He said softly.

Something snapped inside me.

I looked at his lips, and his tongue darted out to lick them; my eyes following every movement.

His breath caught.

I should kiss him, I should spank him, I should do a lot of things to him.

“Tor.” His voice was louder this time. “Please.”

I didn’t know what he was asking for; I didn’t know what I was capable of giving.

I shoved off the boards, scrambling to my feet as I skated to the bench without looking back, my heart pounded in a way it had never pounded before. My hands trembled as my body screamed at me to go back.

To him.

I dropped to the bench instead to catch my breath.

Behind me, the ice was silent.

I still didn’t turn around.

But I felt him, staring at me and wanting.

I wanted him just as much, if not more.

————-

Minutes passed in silence.

Then I heard movement on the ice.

Cassian stopped behind me, close enough that I could feel his presence.

“You ran again.”

I didn’t say anything.

“You always run.”

“Cassian—”

“No.” He cut me off. “Look at me.”

I turned to look at him.

He stood there with his helmet off as his eyes shone with want.

“I felt that.” His voice cracked with the force of the emotion he felt. “You felt it too, don’t deny it.”

I stood then.

“I didn’t say I didn’t feel it.”

“Then why did you run?”

“You’re making me feel things I’ve never felt before. It scares me, Cassian.”

The words came out abruptly before I could force them back in.

He stared at me with genuine confusion.

“What are you scared of?”

“I’m scared of you, I’m scared of how much I want you.”

He moved closer; I could feel his breath on my chin now.

“I’m scared too.” His voice was no more than a whisper. “But I’m more scared of you walking away.”

My hands grabbed his jersey and pulled him closer.

“Tor, what are we doing?”

“I don’t know, Cassian. I really don’t know.”

“I don’t care.” He said as his hands fisted my jersey to pull me even closer. “I just don’t want you to keep running.”

I pulled back to look at him; his bright eyes, chiseled jaw and the lips I’d been dreaming of for weeks.

“I’ll try not to.”

“That’s all I ask for.”

We stood there, chest to chest; breathing the same air as we shared the same want.

Neither of us moved.

Neither of us wanted to move.

———-

I didn’t know how long we stayed like that, but it was long enough that the lights dimmed automatically and the ice beneath us began to freeze.

Cassian stepped back.

“We should go.”

“Yeah.” I agreed.

But neither of us still moved.

He stared at my lips for a long moment before he looked into my eyes.

“I’m not going to stop wanting you, Tor. Each day, I wake up, I want you more than the last.”

He turned and disappeared through the door.

I stood alone on the ice for a long time.

My heart still pounded.

It didn’t stop for hours.