Chapter 37 Clear Me with Your Touch
Quinn's POV
Grayson placed my body on the passenger seat carefully as if I was a fragile object.
When he was about to release our hug, I tightened it. I shook my head, "stay like this for a while, please," I said almost inaudibly, very softly.
I thought my hands would be thrown away but instead he tightened his hug. Then suddenly he lifted my body again. One hand was on my back and one hand was on my ass to keep my body from slumping.
Then he pushed his way in without forgetting to close the door. He had me on his lap, holding me like a baby.
I could feel his breath sweeping through my hair. I could also feel his hand gently rubbing my hair.
In his arms this time I let out all the feelings I was holding back. My tears came out again. I cried loudly.
"Hushhh don't cry. You're safe."
I know. I realized that I was no longer in that place. But I couldn't stop crying. My tears fell like a waterfall that I couldn't prevent.
I still remember how those three people looked at me with a lascivious gaze that wanted to pounce on me. I remembered how they held my hands and crushed my body until I was helpless. I couldn't imagine if Grayson hadn't come. No, no, I don't want to imagine it. I don't want to.
My body shook as my tears fell harder and harder. That horrible incident reminded me of the harassment by the director of the hospital where I used to work. That incident opened up all the pain and shame that I tried to bury deep by myself.
All those wounds slowly surfaced again, like thousands of arrows suddenly raining down from the sky. I couldn't run away, nor could I stay still. I was trapped, amidst the fear that haunted me and the shame because now Grayson saw me at my weakest point.
"You shouldn't have stopped me from killing them," he said fiercely. His breathing was ragged again, this time more clear because we were so close, pressed against each other's body.
I ventured to move my hands from his neck to his waist when I received no resistance. I sink my face deeper into his chest, inhaling the rather soothing scent of his perfume.
This was strange, Grayson was a stranger to me. We met accidentally like it was destined because he needed me and I needed him. It hasn't been long since we met either, not even a month, but somehow I feel safer with him than with other people I've known for longer.
It's like I've known him for a long time. I don't feel threatened with him, I feel secure. Maybe it's because I don't need to be someone else, I can be myself when I'm with him.
Even now after Grayson saw my weaknesses, after seeing all my good and bad, he didn't abandon me. He actually helped me, securing me in his arms like I was 'his', just like he claimed in front of those assholes earlier.
Grayson also knows more about me than Owen who I've been with for years. He understood me better than my ex-boyfriend who ended up betraying me.
I felt Grayson could protect me and he did. Grayson is the man I always imagined could provide security and comfort. And once again, he proved it. His words and actions are in line, not unlike Owen.
Grayson... he's different from Owen. He was a new kind of man, different from any other man I knew. Grayson was a jerk, but he never hurt my feelings. He was just too honest and always told things as they were.
Grayson introduced me to the strange feelings I had felt before, when I was in love with Owen. But this time I didn't feel worried or doubtful, I felt confident.
Grayson seemed to show me that there are men who, despite looking cold, have a warm heart. Although he may try to hide it, it's his actions that show it. He is only hard on the outside and soft on the inside. Unlike Owen who looks soft on the outside but is very different from the original.
I... I may have fallen in love with Grayson. My client, my boss.
I was attracted to him, more than I was to Owen back then. I loved him. I admit it.
"I still want to see you," I said at last, replying to his last words.
I lifted my face and looked at him with eyes that were probably teary and swollen.
This man, the man who had yelled at me at the first meeting because I accidentally witnessed his practice, was now holding me in his arms and speaking very softly. This man who needed me so much, turned things around, making me need him too.
He was changing too. I can feel it, I can see it, very clearly. He changed from an unreachable figure to someone I could reach out to whenever I wanted him. He made himself available in every important moment of my life.
The question is, whether it was done intentionally or unintentionally, I don't know.
But I can tell the difference in how it feels when a man is sincere and when he's not. The difference is there and it's obvious with Grayson and Owen.
Grayson was like closing the hole in my heart caused by the repeated disappointments I received. He patched it up, making sure it was well covered.
But in a way, I'm afraid that if I put my hope in him, I'll get hurt again. After all, I don't know his feelings yet. It's very possible that he only thinks of me as his hired woman, nothing more. And it's very possible that he treats all the mercenary women he thinks are valuable to him the same way.
"You will always see me. I'm not going anywhere."
I closed my eyes as he kissed them, alternately. Not stopping there, he then licked the tear tracks on my cheeks without disgust. He wasn't bothered by my appearance which was definitely disheveled now.
I don't know why he's doing this, but I don't want to reject him. What he does is like medicine, soothing and healing.
And so instead of pushing him away, I surrendered myself. I accepted what he did to me including when he kissed me passionately.
Yes, wash away the traces of those men from my body, Grayson. Clean it with your touch, your licks, and whatever else you want to do to me.
This time I will not rebel. This time I surrender myself to you.