Chapter 18

I stood in front of the mirror and stared at my reflection. I felt like, for the first time in my life I had purpose. The problem was, I didn’t know what to do with it. Turning away, I picked up the pouch with my new weapon and attached it to my hip. I was never going anywhere without it again.

Sighing, I sat down on the end of the bed and stared at the door. My initial purpose may have been to see the green haze and lead them to the clues they’d been searching for, but now—now I knew my purpose was to be the mate of a great man. All I had to do was find a way to get him to see that.

Nodding to my thoughts, I got up and walked out of my room. I stood at the stairs and looked up. In conversation I’d learned who resided in the palace and somewhere was Quinton’s room. I didn’t know if he was there, but with a big meeting having been called, I imagined everyone would be doing as I had done. Wash off the wasteland dust and wrecking yard grime to get ready before the meeting. I went up the stairs slowly, eyeing each room as they came into sight. I stopped at the top trying to decide, then froze when one of the doors opened.

Emil stood there for a second, then gave me a grin and pointed to the far end of the hall. Without comment he closed his door and went down the stairs.

There were no decorations on the walls on this floor, I wondered if Alona hadn’t yet gotten to it, or the plain walls were the plan. Reaching the door, I took a deep breath and knocked on it before I could change my mind.

“Yeah.” Quinton’s gruff tone came through the door.

I opened it, “It’s Reagan.”

The door jerked open. “Is something wrong?”

I was momentarily speechless as he stood in front of me, naked from the waist up. His hair was wet and water droplets still glistened off his broad chest. “Uh, no, not with me.”

He released the door and lifted the towel to his head and rubbed his hair with it. “Am I late? I thought we had an hour while they gathered everyone up.” He walked away from me.

I stepped inside, noting the room was sparsely furnished. A bed, a dresser and single chair took up very little space in the large room. Glancing up, I stared at the ladder resting on the ceiling.

“Emergency escape. This was my parents’ room.”

I turned to look at him. “I suppose that makes sense.”

He shrugged. “It’s a great place to sit and think in the quiet too.”

I smiled and stepped into the room further. “With all the family you have, I can see where that would be a great selling point.”

Quinton smirked. “Yeah.” He pulled a shirt over his head, then looked at me. “Why are you here, Reagan?” Crossing his arms over his chest he leaned back against the dresser.

He was straight forward, I appreciated that. “When did you know?”

He didn’t even pause; he knew what I was talking about. “When you knelt over me in that garage.”

I was surprised. “That long.” I said quietly.

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “I didn’t plan on saying anything though.”

“What changed your mind?” I mimicked his stance and crossed my arms over my chest and stood there.

His dark eyes assessed me briefly. “I didn’t want anyone to question you.”

“Being your mate gives me that allowance?”

He nodded. “It damn well better.”

I smirked at his tone but left it there. I looked at him for a moment, the trace was faded again. “What does the doctor give you to help?”

There was no look of shock from him. “Some kind of elixir.”

“It’s not working as it did?”

Quinton shook his head. “No. It’s becoming less effective each time I take it.”

“Have other options been explored?” I tried to stand there and look as removed as he did, but I truly wasn’t.

He nodded slowly and looked at the floor in front of him. “Yeah. I’ve been poked, prodded and scanned very thoroughly.”

“And the prognosis is?”

“Not good.” He straightened away and turned, opening the top drawer, he pulled out a folder and then tossed it on the bed. “That’s the complete documentation. Take a look and see for yourself.” He turned and went to the window and leaned a hand on the wall beside it.

I looked at his back as he stared out it, unmoving. Going over, I squatted down and opened the folder. There was a faded photo attached to the inside of the jacket. It was of him; I could tell by the eyes.

“That’s what I looked like until Daxx got here.” He said without turning.

“I’ve seen disfigurement before, so if you were plotting to shock me enough to run from the room, you’re mistaken.” I dragged my eyes away from his image and began to flip through the pages. Scanning for a quick summary of each. “So, starving yourself for a century did irreversible internal damage.” It wasn’t a question.

“My heart is still good.” He said quietly, “other organs, not so much.”

“Why haven’t you told your family? Having support through…”

He spun around and looked down at me. “I spent a century standing on the sidelines,” he scowled, “my special healing blood no longer heals me.” He shrugged, “probably not others either.”

My mother had told me stories about the royal family being blessed by the gods with their life blood being that special. “So, you’re going to die quietly just so you can join the fight?” I closed the folder and stood up.

“Something like that.” His brown eyes locked on my own. “I need you to not tell my family.”

“And you will take my word for it if I agree?” I took a deep breath, trying to remain rational.

“Yes.” His gaze searched my face for a moment, “you’ve lived through a lot and done it honestly, as far as I can tell, I don’t think you’d be deceitful now.”

It was a back handed compliment, but still a compliment. “You’re right.”

He nodded slowly and continued to stand there.

“So, what now? I’m supposed to nod and leave?” I crossed my arms over my chest again. “Just accept that I have a mate I’ll never know and get back to it all?”

“Three hundred and fifty years.” He said quietly, holding my eyes prisoner with his own. “That’s how long I waited and wondered. I searched on this side and on the other side, not accepting that you were going to just appear in front of me.” He made a soft noise of annoyance. “And then you did.”

I kept silent.

“It’s too late, Reagan.” A pained looked crossed his face. “I wished to the gods it wasn’t, but we can’t be mated. I can’t share my mark with you then give you the decay and pain that’s inside me.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat at the agony in his tone. His beautiful brown eyes were bleeding pain. “Maybe I’m the one that’s meant to take the pieces and make you whole again.” I whispered.

He shook his head. “It would kill you to heal everything inside me.”

“A bit at a…”

With a quick move he was in front of me, gripping my shoulders and shaking his head. “No.” He searched my face for a moment, then took a ragged breath and released me. With stiff movement he went back to his dresser and opened a box on top of it. Turning, he came back to me with something enclosed in his hand. “This,” he held out his closed hand, “is an amulet made for my mate.” A sad look appeared in his eyes, “it’s obviously not the pendant of the enforcer, but it’s still a royal title.” He opened his hand.

I looked down at the silver chain pooled in his large palm.

“It’s yours.” His voice was rough. “Take it.”

I took the pendant and lifted it out of his hand. The emblem on it was a sundial with crossed swords over it. “So that’s it? I’m your mate, take this.”

He gave me a hard look. “No one will question you if you have that.”

“After your dead, you mean?” I closed my hand around it so I wouldn’t throw it at him.

“Yeah.” He clenched his jaw. “There is no happy ending here, Reagan.”

I nodded slowly, “Ergo no happy for now either.”

His brows creased as he looked down at me. “It’s been hard enough watching my brothers find their mates, having that connection with them and knowing I’d never have it.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to be completely alone.” I squeezed my eyes so the hovering tears wouldn’t fall. “If you’re hoping I’ll say I understand and walk away, then you’re in for a real shocker, sir.”

“I can’t pretend things are going to work out.” He said with a gravelly voice.

“I’m not asking you to pretend anything.” I put the hand I held the pendant in against his chest. “Just don’t ask me to watch you go through it alone.”

With a shaking hand, he touched my cheek. “I missed you before I even met you.”

“I’m here now.” I whispered as unshed tears choked me.

He held my look for a moment, then leaned down and kissed my mouth softly. “Stubborn woman.” He straightened. “Go. I have to eat often to keep my strength up.” He stepped back, “the elixir burns through calories faster than I can put them in.”

I nodded. “Don’t think you’re going to avoid me, my prince.” I made the motion of an elaborate bow, then straightened and went out the door before I puddled on the floor in a heap of emotion.

I couldn’t even explain how I’d ended up in a large gym, but here I was trying to burn off the frustration that was filling my every pore. I gathered up the surujin chain again and looked the padded post once more. I flung it, the weight caught in the wrong place and wouldn’t release when I jerked on it. With a growl, I stomped over and untangled it. In a blur of anger, I stabbed the padding with the blade at the end of the handle. With a sound similar to a wounded animal I continued to stab it over and over and over again. Reality hit me and I stepped back, releasing the weapon and standing there looking at the carnage I had produced.

“Well, I don’t think I’ve ever seen technique like that before.”

I jumped and turned to see Michael and Autumn standing behind me. I looked back at the hacked-up post. “I am so sorry.”

Michael shook his head. “I’m just glad you used a post and not my brother.”

I snorted. “That obvious?”

He gave Autumn a quick look, “as the mating process goes it usually stirs up…”

“Stupid men moments.” Autumn finished.

“Close enough.” He rubbed his hand against the back of his neck. “We were sent to fetch you for the meeting.”

I huffed out a breath and then looked back at my surujin. Feeling like a child, I went over and picked it up. I busied myself tucking it back into the case, so I wouldn’t have to look at them. “I’m sorry you had to witness my outburst.” I said quietly.

Autumn laughed, “we all have moments.”

Michael hugged her to his side, “some of us more than others.” He frowned, “Quinton is,” he thought for a moment, “kind of a hardass, but I’m sure you’ll work it out.”

I offered my best fake smile. “Yes, we’re in the process of doing that.” I pulled the necklace and pendant out of my pocket, “am I to wear this all the time?”

Michael expression showed shock. “Ah, yeah—if he’s given you it, then you should.”

Autumn nodded, “guards won’t harass you if you are.”

I gave her a nod of my head to say thank you for the tip, and unclasped it. “Where is the meeting?” I secured it around my neck.

“Meeting room at the palace.” Autumn told me.

I nodded and opened the porter, then paused and looked at Michael. “Could you get in touch with that Bastian man for me? I need to speak with him.”

Michael’s expression sobered. “He’s going to be at the meeting.” He gave me an understanding look. “I’ll mention you need a private moment with him.”

I nodded. “Thank you.” I pushed the button to take me back to the palace.