Guillermo

Guillermo
"You said you married her when she found out she was pregnant?"

"Yes."

I notice Olívia struggling between the need to know and the embarrassment of feeling like she’s invading my privacy, so I suggest,

"Why don’t we take turns asking questions? I’ll ask one about your life, and you ask one about mine."

"Why is it important to talk about the past?"

"Because what we have won’t end today."

And it’s true.

One way or another, the bond between us won’t disappear—whether because of her connection to my daughter or because of our relationship, which I have no intention of ending anytime soon.

She keeps staring at me, but after a silence where she doesn’t seem willing to give in, she responds,

"Okay. I’ll tell you what I know about myself, alright?"



As she recounted her life alongside the woman I know as Heloísa, I noticed something immediately: Olívia grew up surrounded by love.

Despite all the financial hardships they endured, her eyes lit up every time she remembered Christmases and how much she loved another sweet that was traditional at Brazilian holiday parties, called rabanada.

Or how her mother insisted on sewing her Halloween costumes herself and that she was only allowed to go trick-or-treating between six and nine at night, so as not to disturb the neighbors.

She smiled when she told me that Heloísa pretended to let her go door to door for the treats, but it didn’t take long for her to discover that her mother was actually hiding nearby, watching her from a distance.

"She seems like she was a wonderful mother."

"She really was. I’m lucky." She smiled, and I really wanted to pull her into my lap. "Did you guys also join in those Halloween games?"

"Of course. Although I never had much patience. I didn’t see the point of going door to door for candy when you could just go to the store and buy it."

She laughed so hard she clutched her stomach.

"God, you were a CEO from the cradle."

I wasn’t sure if that was a compliment, so I tried to clarify.

"What do you mean by that?"

"That you never just relaxed, right? Going after the candy wasn’t just about the candy itself, but also about the adventure of wearing a costume, pretending I was someone else—a witch, a fairy, an astronaut."

"An astronaut?"

"Yes, at one point I dreamed I would visit the moon. That dream didn’t last long because Mom explained that they would be isolated for months, and I couldn’t imagine being alone or with just a few people for so long."

"You like people."

"I do. I love talking. People are so interesting, each with a different life story. It’s that exchange that makes us grow."

"You’re very mature for your age. When we first met, I thought you were a baby."

"I’m not a baby. I’m a woman now." She said proudly, smiling and winking.

I tried not to focus on the word, because more than anyone, I know how very much of a woman she is.

"Halloween is in a few weeks. Do you plan on dressing Nina up?"

The question caught me off guard.

"I hadn’t thought about it."

"I can find a costume for her if you want."

"Valentina doesn’t eat candy yet."

"It’s for fun, though. But okay, I shouldn’t interfere in these things."

"No, say what you’re thinking."

"You could organize a little costume party at your parents’ house, just for the family. I think she’d be thrilled to see the relatives dressed up, but I’ll warn you, babies don’t really get monster costumes. It should be something that makes her laugh."

"Would I have to dress up too?" The idea was absurd. How many years had it been since I wore a Halloween costume? I think since before I was ten.

"Yes. Especially you."

Even though I thought I might regret it, I said,

"Okay, but you’ll have to organize it. If Mom thinks it will be too much excitement for my dad, we can do it here instead."

"Me? You mean, I’ll participate too?"

"Of course, little rocket. If I’m going to embarrass myself, you have to do your part."

"Alright." She agreed, though she seemed like she wanted to say more.

"My turn to ask questions now. You married only because of the pregnancy?"

"Yes. I intended to marry one day, but Layla and I were very different. It wouldn’t have been with her."

"You didn’t have to get married. There are many fathers who share custody."

"I know, but I was afraid of losing my daughter. I value family greatly, Olívia. Besides, Layla didn’t want to be a mother. I had to negotiate so she could handle the pregnancy in a healthy way." I began cautiously, testing the waters.

"Negotiate… you mean some kind of agreement?"

"Exactly. A financial agreement. I paid her to take care of herself enough for my daughter to come into the world healthy."

"My God!"

I could see the shock on her face, but even though this topic was extremely unpleasant for me, if I wanted her to know the truth, I had to tell everything.

"Does Valentina spend time with her maternal grandparents?"

"No, they’re both dead. As far as I know, only one relative from Nina’s mother’s side is still alive."

"Do you know her?"

"Do you want more wine?"

"No, I’m fine." She showed the glass that still had a finger of wine in it. "You know, maybe it would be good for Valentina to meet this relative. She might have stories about your late wife that you don’t even suspect."

I doubted it.

"I grew up surrounded by love, Guillermo. I couldn’t have chosen a better mother even if I wanted to." She spoke without realizing how guilty I felt at that moment. "But I also spent a lot of my life, especially this past year, feeling so alone, wondering if the woman who left me at the orphanage might have changed her mind over time and maybe now would accept meeting me."

"So you tried to find her?"

"There was no way. Whoever abandoned me there left no clues."

"But you would spend time with your biological mother if you could?"

"Maybe. I don’t know how to live with her, but I’d like to meet her. To understand why she left me."

I went to where she was and lifted her into my lap, bringing her onto the sofa against my body.

This is what Olívia does to me. I want to protect her from any suffering, even knowing that in the near future it will be inevitable.

I had planned to keep my distance while we talked, but the truth is, being away from her is torture.

"It could have been for the wrong reasons. I mean, she might not have been a good person or maybe someone selfish like Layla."

"I know, but I prefer to believe she wasn’t. That she was just lost and too confused to raise a baby and did what she thought was right."

I held her tighter against me.

"And siblings?"

"Huh?"

"Don’t you think there might be other siblings out there?"

"I don’t know. Funny, I always only thought about my biological mother. Not who my father might be, much less if I have siblings. One day I intend to research that more thoroughly, but it’s not essential, you know? I’ve lived without those blood relatives just fine so far. Honestly, I’m afraid of meeting them and being disappointed."

I’m sure she would be disappointed.

She lifted her head, resting her chin in her hands.

"Do you plan on finding this only living relative of Nina’s?"

I felt my jaw tighten and just nodded, agreeing.

"You’re a good man, Guillermo. Someone else in your place would keep their distance from any ties to their ex’s family, from what you’ve told me about her so far."

"Nina deserves to meet her."

I pulled her into a kiss, feeling as if there was a countdown to our time together.

"If you could discover your past right now, would you want to?"

"Not at this exact moment, I don’t think. I fear it might throw my mind off balance. For the first time in years, I feel like I’m moving forward, and I’m afraid that bringing my past to light would hurt me."

It certainly would.

I had no doubt she would come out hurt.

"I could help you." I tested carefully.

"You would do that?"

"Yes, Olívia. I will never stop helping you, no matter what happens between us."

Her face fell, but she kept smiling, even if the joy didn’t reach her eyes.

"Alright. I accept the help. Just not now. I’d rather wait a few months before looking into it. I just want to live, that’s all. I didn’t know about them until today, I can wait a little longer."

I didn’t know what to say. Our conversation hadn’t gone the way I imagined, but the fear that everything between us might end made me pull back.

"When the time comes that you want to know, you’ll tell me?"

"Yes, but for now I just want to live like a normal girl."

"With me."

"What?"

"Live like a normal girl, with me." I insisted, even knowing I had no right to.

"Alright. As long as we last."