Be still, my jealous heart 1
Be still, my jealous heart 1
When CC got home that morning, the sun was already high up in the sky. Bart was waiting for her on the porch of the Arden Mansion. This was home now. They'd started living together because CC wanted to be with Bart so that she could hold him at night when the loss of Ethan overwhelmed him. How things had changed. They'd been at each other's throats for the last few days, and it always ended the same way. It needed to stop. They had to actually talk.
“I'm sorry, Caroline. I don't know what else to say. Aria called and said—”
CC sighed.
“Can her name not be part of the first sentences that come out of your mouth right now? I'm super wasted and I just want to go to bed.”
Bart turned around and squatted in front of her, offering her a piggyback ride. She smiled. It was a start. She could be mad and still want to touch him. CC wouldn't look at him, but she'd gotten onto his back. Her hands had slipped up his shirt, onto his bare chest, and she was snuggling up to his back. He didn't say a word, didn't tell her what she was doing to him. Bart simply got up and started walking.
When he got into the room, he set her down onto the bed and turned around. Her green—blue eyes were rage itself, but she let him pull down her zipper and undress her anyway. Their relationship was in trouble. They both knew it. But she was looking at him and he her, both waiting on the other.
“So? How is he?” she asked as Bart went to the closet and picked out a nightie for her.
“Fine. Getting him home was quite the adventure, according to Aaron, but the kid's okay.”
Bart put the nightie over her head and let the silk drop from his hands, watching it going down her body. How many times had he kissed her incredibly soft curves? The feel of her skin, the way she laughs when he touches her tummy, the sounds she makes when they are really kissing and grabbing at each other. All of it belonged to him now. It was burned into him, part of him the way she was. Not being able to spend time with her like that anymore was killing him. He reached out for her face, but she got up and walked away.
“I think we should move up the wedding,” she said, pulling a notepad out of a drawer. “I want to get married in a week. Honestly, that's already pushing it, but it can be done. We'll just—”
“You want to get married while things are the way they are?”
Bart never thought he'd ever say words like that to her. This couldn't go on. He had to talk to Aria. He had to deal with his shit. Even this felt like some kind of betrayal, but he had to do it. If he was ever going to look CC in the eye again, tell her he loved her again, he had to do it.
He wouldn't marry her, wouldn't go all the way with her. What else was there?! Why were they still here, going through the motions of two people who give a shit?
“Did you share a bed with her? Spend your nights with her?”
She couldn't make herself stop asking. Her stupid, naïve heart had to know. Bart wasn't supposed to have done the dumb shit she did. He was better than her. Stronger than her.
The questions no longer surprised him. They were the same every night. He wanted to tell her everything, but the guilt was eating him up inside, because apparently it wasn't over like he thought it was. The funny thing was he kept rejecting Aria's advances because of CC, but by the time he left her room the morning he left Sartis Est, it was Aria Bart was running from.
What was he supposed to tell CC? The reason I have another woman running around in my head is because of one stupid night? He couldn't face it, wasn't ready yet, so instead he deflected. It was easy enough to do. Bart hadn't stopped being angry for a moment since Troy showed up.
“Did you share your bed with him? Did he hold you like I do? Kiss you like I do? What else did he do, Caroline?”
CC thought about Bart and Aria out in the courtyard, her body crushed against his as he held her up. Then the way Bart defended Aria when she screamed at Aaron that she'd only slept with one man. The question he wouldn't answer kept going round and round in her head, driving her crazy. Because if Bart was Aria's one, they were more broken than she'd thought. No matter what CC did, Bart still refused to go there with her. How could she not wonder if this woman had gotten to him before she did, after all? If she still had him?
“I'm going to sleep in the next room,” she said, grabbing the notepad and a pen.
Bart stopped her, just like he did last time. He pulled her to him and kissed her. They both opened their eyes, noses against each other's. Her eyes weren't the only ones that were angry anymore. He looked like he could rip her to shreds. And he did. The way his mouth took hers made her come undone completely. They weren't changing anything. It was just like last time and the night before then.
She was clinging to him desperately now, coaxing every bit of pleasure she could get from his mouth, but soon she would pull away or he would and then she'd walk out the door, go to bed
Maybe it could be different today. Maybe he wouldn't pull away. Maybe they'd share the bed like they used to. Stay, please just stay. This was the longest the angry kisses had lasted so far. They were the only thing still tying them together. When it ended, they would go back to their corners, back to pretending like they weren't letting Troy and Aria come between them. But right now, they both needed to have him pull her nightie right back up. He wanted her to keep undoing his buttons. To keep slipping her hands up his back, only to drag her nails down it.