44. Jasper

44. Jasper
There was something about his mom, the way she looked at me and how sometimes she treated me nicely while some other times she would just blatantly ignore me.

We have been staying at his parents' for two weeks, two whole goddamn weeks...I was trying to be patient, trying to understand that Jasper needed this, that he needed time with his mom. I tried to get away from the house whenever I can, but I could not leave Tara for long. I love her as she was my own and whenever Allie would text me and told me that she was asking for me I'd hurriedly come to his parents'.

Jasper and I were doing great, well, he as far as he knows we were great, splendid, I was loving married life. I've been talking about my situation with my psychiatrist, she did advise me to talk it out with Jasper tell him that I'm not comfortable with his mom. But instead of doing that, I started popping my perception pills.

His mom had told me to call her mom while we were having family dinner one night. My husband smiled at me while I nodded and did as she asked. Though my gut says otherwise, somehow I know that she wanted to appear that she was being friendly in front of her son.

And I was right when half an hour later I overheard her talking to herself as she was drinking her wine looking at her dead husband's picture by the mantle. "I still don't see what Jasper sees in him, one day that druggy man-whore is going to break his heart. And when that happens I'll be there for our child." I stepped away from the open door without making a damn sound, then hurriedly get out and take a deep breath. I started cursing at myself and took two pills when my heart was pounding so hard as if it was struggling to get out of my damn ribs.

Moments later when I finally calm myself down, I just feel stupid. I'm a grown man, I should've confronted her and be done with it. But then I realized that she had just lost her lifelong husband, taken away from her abruptly and she was lashing out her grief on me instead.



It was one of those days, I needed a pick me up and thought I was alone when I reach down my pants pocket and swallow my pill, flushing it down with my morning juice while watching Tara play with Allie in the backyard. And with just my luck his mom was there to witness my weak moment.

"I thought Jasper told me that you've stopped taking medication." She sounded all caring, but I've learned how to read her by watching his mom quietly over the past few weeks.

I smiled at her and finally had it, I decide to confront her and be done with it. I thought I had given her the space and time, and my kindness had reached its damn limit.

"You don't like me very much don't you?" It finally dawned on her that I was having the conversation where there'd be no politeness, that it's going to be true talk all the way until one of us decided to back away. And honestly, I was tired and was willing to let her have her way, thinking it's time for us to get back home, leave his bitter mom, and let her be on her own.

"And my perception of you matters?" she arched her well-defined eyebrow asking me in the most condescending manner.

"Actually, no...not anymore, I love your son, dearly, and I'm trying my best to give you what you need. To mourn for the loss of your husband with him, I have been keeping my distance, supporting him in every way that I can, that is by staying here. I thought after our wedding and what happened... you'd let me in, but I guess there's no chance in that." I looked outside and saw Tara still giggling with Allie, then I turn to face his mom.

"I'm seeing a therapist, and yes I'm taking prescribed medications for my depression." I paused, she looked a bit taken back but didn't say anything, so I carry on with my words. "I will leave this house and won't bother trying to be in your good graces. I know where I'm not welcomed, I'm sorry for your loss and wish you a healthy life." I leave her to go to Tara, hugged her, and told her that I will be waiting for her back at our house later. I told Allie that they will go back with Jasper tonight, thinking his mom will still need her granddaughter to accompany her.

I packed my clothes and leave Jasper's behind, he should stay for as long as he needs to. I know he needs to be with his mom and I can't be in the middle of it, though I will always be his and will always be waiting for him.



I love him.

I kept telling myself that when days later he had gone back and forth from his mom. Home-work-mom's-home. The full cycle.

Married life. Adjustments. Sacrifices.

My therapist told me that on our last session.

"How's your day?" I asked the second my husband laying back beside me, he had just finished his night routine, handsome as always in his favorite boxer shorts. I closed my book, put it aside, and turn off the light on my side table.

"Hmm...tiring, I miss you." He put his arms around me like always and I put my cheek to rest on his naked chest.

Patience Benji, you have him, you love him. He loves you. That's all that matters.

My thoughts vanished the second his lips were to mine, passionate as always, and I moaned telling myself that this is it. At the end of the day, this is what I wanted, as long as he comes home to me.

"I love you," I kissed him back, my hands roamed his body and he relaxes under my touch. "Let me..." I whispered huskily in his ear, "...love you," he groaned and let me straddle him, trailing him with sweet emotional kisses from his throat, to his chest, to his sexy abs then further south to his erection.

"Benji, fuck...baby," he let out a sexy trembling breath, his legs parted wider when I lick his cock and wrapped his length taking him down my throat. My hands were to his legs, fingers gripping him, feeling his thigh muscles clenching with each thrust of his hips. Jasper fucked my mouth, taking me while I encourage him with my moans, and my tightening grasps.

His cock twitched in my mouth, I know he's close, his eyes looked at mine, gazing at me full of lust, his teeth bite down on his bottom lip, sexy moans slipped from him, "Ben... baby, I'm...so fucking close," I sucked him harder, take him deeper until he bucks, and bursts, and I swallow, then let him relax as I finish him off.

"I should..." he started, but I shake my head, "That was for you, go to sleep." I was still hard, but I lay back to my side, kissed his shoulder, and peacefully watches as he slowly drifts into slumber.

When I know that he had fallen asleep I went to the bathroom to take my sleeping pills. I took a deep breath and quickly wiped my tears away when I look at my reflection in the mirror.

You got this, Benjamin. You've been at your worst. You love him.

Married life. Adjustments. Sacrifices.

I remind myself to set another appointment with Dr. Sheridan. I need to vent, maybe I'm getting too comfortable with my life. I need to grow thicker skin. I've been worse.

I got this.