Chapter 95
Chapter 95
Levy
I take in my son’s face and Harper’s. Both look expectant yet Harper looks as pale as a ghost. I worry for her. I worry what she will think when I tell her what happened all those years ago. Fuck, my heart is banging in my chest so badly, I wonder if they can hear it. And her mother is sitting on the edge of the sofa with Taylor next to her.
This wasn’t exactly how I was picturing tell my son and Harper. I thought we would have more privacy and I could keep this away from her younger sister and her mother.
I lean my elbows on my thighs and lean forward slightly. I stretch out a hand and take Harper’s in mine. She squeezes my hand. That’s a good sign and I let out a long, slow breath.
“Dad, whatever it is it won’t change how we feel about you. You’re my father and I love you.” His words strike a chord in my chest; I swear my heart is going to crack. From the first moment I set eyes on my son at birth, he cracked my chest wide open. Not a day has passed where I haven’t wondered at the miracle that he is and the fine young man he has become.
Damn I am fucking proud of Dylan. He is everything Lilly would want in a son. It saddens my heart that she hasn’t been able to see him grow into the man he is today, during the last two years.
“Please just tell us,” Harper’s voice sounds anxious. I would do whatever it takes to wrap her in my arms and shield her from this painful truth that I have carried around with me for the last eighteen years. The love I feel for Harper is overwhelming; at times it knocks me sideways since I locked my heart down completely after the loss of Lilly. I never thought it would open again. But Harper, well she is something else.
It took me a while to see her in a different light but she has proven time and time again that she is an amazing, strong, intelligent woman. She has kept her family together when her own mother couldn’t.
“I was the toughest rider in our gang back in my late teens,” I begin. Harper continues to hold my hand. Her mother crosses her arms in front of my chest. I try not to focus on her lips in a thin line. “I was reckless at times; known to be what you’d call a bit of an ass. I was young and foolish and didn’t think that the world would ever get to me. You know what it’s like; you think you’re the king of life. Then one evening the guys and I were shooting shots at the local bar.” I stop. Harper is watching me. I want to reach out and stroke her jaw with my thumb and kiss her soft lips and reassure her that I am not the same man now that I was back then.
“Hell, I was only eighteen and this was before I knew Dylan was on the way and in Lilly’s belly.” God, can I carry on? What happened has been a demon to me, living inside my mind every day. My nightmares are made of this, the shaking and screaming at night, the drenching sweats. I have to continue. It is time and I know that I owe both Harper and Dylan an explanation for what is going on.
“Jake my best friend and I decided to go down a dangerous mountain run on our bikes. Dead Man’s Pass.” I stop watching both Dylan and Harper.
“Carry on, Dad.” Dylan tells me and gives me a reassuring tap on my knee. I feel choked up remembering everything that happened that night. It’s as if the memory is real and is happening now. Was it really eighteen years ago? It sure as hell doesn’t feel like it was.
“We were dumb, fuelled with adrenaline and whiskey.” I shake my head and hang it low.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Harper tells me. Her voice is a comfort but when I finish all things could change. It’s a risk I have to take. What happened today at the rehab place needs an explanation. Not to mention my absence recently when I took off without saying a word. What a fuck up! That never should have happened.
My voice is shaky as I continue. “There was a sharp turn and a moment of hesitation by Jake, my front tire nudged his back tire.” I swallow hard. “Then he lost control of his bike and I watched as Jake skidded out tumbling over the cliffside. I can still hear his screams in my head today.” I pause nobody says anything.
“The club ruled it as a freak accident and didn’t hold me to blame. They said that it could have happened to anyone on that pass since it had claimed so many lives. Hence the name, Dead Man’s Pass.” I stop again and feel like I’m going to lose my shit pretty damn quickly.
“But reality is I am the one who nudged his tire. I was too fast behind him and way too close on that pass. I should have fucking known better.”
“Oh, my God, levy you are not to blame.” Harper’s voice is torn. I can see the tears in her eyes. The next moment her arms are around my shoulders as she sits by my side. “Listen to me, it could have happened to anyone at any time. Your club was right on the ruling. You’ve been carrying this guilt around for too long. It isn’t your fault. It could have happened when you were both sober.”
I shake my head. “No, I never would have been that close sober, that’s the thing, Harper baby. I just wouldn’t have been. I know I was a reckless son-of-a-bitch but sober, no.”
Dylan places a hand on my knee. “Dad, I am with Harper. This was a freak accident. Sure, you both had been drinking, but you cannot blame yourself for his death. It was an accident.”
I shake my head, I won’t ever believe it was an accident. In my head and in my heart, I feel responsible for the death of my best friend.
“And the reason you took off?” Dylan asks.
“I had a death threat from someone who wants revenge. The guy today at the rehab center, we think it is his younger brother. Us guys didn’t know that Jake had a younger brother but it appears it’s him.”
“Fuck, Dad. That is insane. Why wait all these years?”
“He was just five when the accident happened, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything until now. He has obviously bided his time and come up with a plan.”
“Out!” I look up and see Harper’s mom with her hand pointing to the door. “Get out of my house.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I get up and pull Harper into a hug and kiss the top of her head. “Baby, I am so sorry I fucked up.” Her eyes are awash with tears as I turn and begin to head for the door.