Chapter 138 The Awful Thought
Hours later, long after the sprawling pack house had fallen completely silent and Ginny’s breathing had evened out into a deep, peaceful rhythm, Jax was still wide awake.
He sat frozen in the dark armchair by the window, staring out at the jagged line of trees illuminated by the cold, silver moonlight. His mind was a turbulent, dark mess, caught in a relentless, exhausting loop. He couldn't stop seeing the horrifying truth of Vane's underground labs. He knew the absolute chaos, the torture, and the agonizing death the man had orchestrated for decades.
But as Jax sat there, listening intently to the faint, rapid flutter of his unborn son's heartbeat, a dark, treacherous whisper crept into the back of his mind.
If Leela had never shown up... If she had never crossed their borders, her massive, brilliant elemental spark would never have acted like a flare in the night sky. Vane would have never found her. He would have just stayed hidden in the shadows, slowly rotting away and running out of stolen power as the elemental line faded into total oblivion. The pack would have remained completely safe, blissfully wrapped in their own ignorance.
Instantly, Jax’s wolf snarled in his chest, violently rejecting the thought. Jax clenched his jaw so hard his teeth ached, his blunt fingernails digging painfully into the worn fabric of the armchair armrests. He hated himself—truly, deeply felt sick to his stomach—for even letting the cowardly thought take root for a fraction of a second.
He knew it was wrong. It was a vile, selfish exhaustion talking.
He loved Leela fiercely. He would gladly step between her and a silver blade without a single second of hesitation, and he would tear the throat out of anyone who even looked at her with ill intent. She wasn't just his Luna; she was his brother's mate, making her family. His sister in every way that truly mattered. The bond they had all forged was absolute and unbreakable. The thought of a universe without his niece and nephew's chaotic giggles, without Leela's bright, stubborn spirit anchoring his brother, was a void he absolutely refused to entertain. Fennigan would have been a hollow shell of an Alpha without her.
But beyond all of that, a sudden, chilling realization struck him, completely shattering any lingering trace of that dark thought.
If Leela had never crossed their borders... he never would have met Ginny.
His fiercely loyal, beautiful mate would have remained a stranger, living an entirely different life far away from Blackwood. Leela was the catalyst. She had brought Ginny into his world. Without Leela seeking refuge, Jax wouldn't be sitting in this dark room. He wouldn't be listening to the miraculous, rapid flutter of his unborn son's heartbeat. He would be half a man, walking blindly through an empty, grayscale existence without his other half, never even knowing what he was missing.
The reality of their situation just felt entirely suffocating. Jax had his own child on the way. His entire universe was wrapped up in the woman sleeping a few feet away, and instead of just getting to be a father, a mate, a man preparing a nursery... they were standing on the precipice of waging a bloody, continent-wide war against a deeply entrenched, corrupt government.
With a bitter, silent exhale that rattled deep in his chest, Jax decided he'd had enough of his own mind. The whole situation was absolute bullshit, and sitting in the dark wasn't going to fix it.
He pushed himself out of the armchair and crossed the room, carefully lifting the heavy quilts to crawl into the makeshift bed beside his mate.
The mattress dipped under his weight, and even in her deep sleep, Ginny sensed him instantly. She shifted with a soft sigh, rolling over and immediately throwing a warm arm and a leg heavily across his broad frame, pinning him down in an instinctive, fiercely possessive hold.
Jax let out a long, shaky breath, wrapping his arms securely around her and burying his face in her hair. Surrounded by her warmth and the steady rhythm of her heart, the last of the shadows finally receded. He held his family tight, hating himself for ever having those evil thoughts in the first place, and swearing silently that he would tear the High Council apart with his bare hands to keep this exact moment safe.
Upstairs, Fennigan was having his own quiet moment of midnight reflection. He lay on his side in the center of the sprawling bed, the heavy, peaceful silence of the room a stark, soothing contrast to the chaotic, explosive fury he had battled in the study earlier that afternoon.
Beside him, Leela was completely under, her breathing deep and even as she rested on her back. But Fennigan’s tired, golden gaze wasn't on the ceiling. It was fixed solely on the center of the mattress, right where Caspian and Briar were tucked safely between their parents.
They were completely tangled together in what Leela affectionately called their "baby knot." Caspian’s little arm was thrown protectively over his sister's waist, while Briar had her tiny face pressed securely against her brother’s neck, their chubby legs woven together beneath the thick, down blankets. Even in the deepest depths of sleep, they were like one singular, breathing unit.
It never ceased to amaze him. As an Alpha, he understood pack bonds, the deep, instinctual pull of loyalty, and the fierce magic of a mate bond. But watching the twins, he knew this was something entirely different. It was an ancient, elemental connection, a pure, shared soul that was completely untouched by the dark, political rot of the world waiting for them outside the pack house doors.
Fennigan reached out, hand hovering just above their tiny, sleeping forms before gently tucking a stray edge of the blanket over Caspian’s shoulder.
As he watched his children breathe in perfect unison, a fierce, silent prayer echoed in his chest. He hoped to the Goddess that the twins would always share that special, unbreakable bond. He hoped that no matter how ugly the coming war got, or how terrifyingly heavy the mantle of their elemental power eventually became as they grew, they would always have this. He hoped they would always remain each other's safe harbor.
Closing his eyes, Fennigan finally let the exhaustion pull him under, anchoring himself to the steady heartbeats of the three most important beings in his universe.