Chapter 19 DREAMS

Chapter 19 DREAMS
                       MIA

I had completely forgotten about my period with everything that has been going on, but when I saw it, I felt better about the crying earlier. I knew I wasn’t a weak bitch after all.

I finish my shower and put on my tampons. Thanks to Fin, I won’t have to stuff some paper towels up my ass.

The shower helped.

The heat washed the worst part away – the ache, the tightness in my chest, and the leftover tremor from crying earlier.

I wrap myself in something simple and crawl into bed to further wrap myself in the sheets. As I lay there, my mind drifts back to earlier – to Fin.

Now that I think about it, Fin has been the only one who has treated me like a person since I got here. He has shown up for me in the little ways that no one bothered to check, and I have no idea how I missed it. And when he kissed me earlier, he felt warm and familiar – something I still cannot explain, but I can’t quite shake the feeling away.

My chest tightens in gratitude as my eyes squeeze shut.

And then, like an uninvited guest, my thoughts slide towards Nikolai.

I know he doesn’t care much for me, but if he wanted me dead, then he should have killed me to begin with instead of expecting me to fold my hands and let some beginner-level ass have the pleasure.

He saw me bleeding and still yelled at me for defending myself – all he cared about was the fact that I disobeyed and nothing else.

He’s such an insensitive asshole.

But Fin came to me because he cared more about me being okay than some stupid rule. He didn’t yell at me and instead saw reason in my actions. He made me feel – seen.

I turn to my side, pulling the sheet closer, trying to shove the comparison away before it grows teeth.

I hear the door open, and without thinking, a small smile appears on my face. Fin did say he was going to bring me some food – of course, he didn’t forget and actually brought it.

I turn around with a smile, ready to welcome his warm presence. But when I face the door, it’s not Fin that’s standing at the doorway holding a tray – it’s Nikolai.

My breath catches in my throat, and my eyes go wide.

Why is he here? And where is Fin?

“Seems like you were expecting someone else,” he says, shutting the door behind him and walking over to the bed. “I’m sorry to disappoint.”

I don’t say anything. I instinctively move away as soon as he sits on the bed, not because  I’m afraid of him, but because I don’t want to be anywhere near him.

He sets the tray down by the bedside stand. “You need to eat,” he says calmly. “It’ll help.”

I want to refuse, but I really don’t think I’ll make it through the night if I don’t eat something.

I pull myself closer to him, cautious, keeping my eyes on him.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

The question catches me off guard.

I shrug. “I’ve been worse.”

A corner of his mouth lifts, faint and almost unnoticed. He reaches for the bowl on the tray, and steam is curling from the surface.

“What is that?” I ask, trying to see the content.

“Soup,” he replies.

When he moves closer, my body moves further away immediately, eyes sharp and suspicious.

He stops immediately and looks at me.

“Well,” he says dryly, “that’s hurtful.”

“Did you expect a hug?” I speak before I can think.

Shit, I forgot that this man can kill me.

I exhale slowly. “Sorry. I just –“

“I know,” he cuts in, voice gentle. “I’m not here to corner you.”

He waits. That’s the strangest part.

After a moment, I relax and move closer and nod to him. He scoops up some of the soup and blows on it before feeding it to me.

I slowly open my mouth, and as soon as I taste the soup, it’s like my body comes alive the moment the heat flows into my body.

“Tell me if it’s too hot,” he says.

He keeps feeding me, and I don’t even realise when I relax, only focusing on the feeling of filling my belly – until the plate is empty.

I rest my head on the hardboard and sigh. That was a good meal.

My eyelids feel heavy; it’s been a really long day, and it’s starting to weigh down on me. I feel his hand slide into my hair, rubbing my scalp in such a soothing way.

I don’t want him to stop, so I don’t even point it out. I drift – but not fully.

Just floating.

“You’ve had a hell of a day, Mia,” he says softly.

I swallow. “You didn’t seem to think so earlier.”

He pauses.

“I was making a point, not passing judgment.”

I hum softly, unconvinced, but too tired to argue.

"What is something you wish you could have right now?" he asks.

"My freedom," I say simply, already sounding so drowsy.

"Besides that.'
I think I heard the eye roll in his tone, even with my eyes closed.

"I think a phone and TV would have to do. Why are you asking me all this?" I yawn.

"Because I'm sorry," he says - if I were more awake, I would have been so shocked to hear him say those words.

"For what?" I ask, letting out another yawn.

"For everything that you've been through."

His fingers slow in my hair, and I get the feeling that he’s staring at my lips.

I slowly open my eyes, but I can’t tell if I was right or not. He is staring at me, though, with a softness in his eyes that I just have to be dreaming because there is no way it’s real.

I shut my eyes again, and for some reason, I dream of him – kissing me.

Or was it real? I can’t tell.