Chapter 18 LOYALTY TO HIM
Chapter 18 LOYALTY TO HIM
FIN
I didn’t lie to Nikolai.
I just didn’t tell him everything.
There’s a difference. A thin one – but it matters.
I told him she was hurt. I told him I helped her clean the blood. I told him what was necessary and left the rest buried where it could do no damage.
I didn’t think I’d see her ever again after that trip to Venezuela four years ago. It was a passionate trip that lasted a week, and we both agreed not to ask each other questions about our lives. But every night as I undressed her, I yearned to know more about the girl with the gorgeous white hair.
I didn’t recognize her at the club when she tried to kill Nikolai, but I did recognize her after her wig was taken off.
I couldn’t do anything about it. My only plan was to look the other way and make sure she didn’t still have plans of harming Nikolai.
She obviously didn’t recognize me. I had a different look and much shorter hair all those years ago. It was easy to play obliviously.
When I noticed the thing Nikolai had with her, it was even more reason to stay away, but I couldn’t just leave her like that tonight.
I have so many questions – and to think she almost died.
I hadn’t planned it.
I saw her go onto the balcony from the security room, still bleeding, and just decided to go after her. When I got there, she looked so tired and helpless – it broke my heart to see. She looked like someone who had finally reached the end of her strength.
I cleaned her wounds because they needed to be done.
I stayed because she didn’t tell me to leave. I hugged her because she needed comfort.
And when she kissed me, I thought about Nikolai in the first second. About our bond and my loyalty to him, and how this would be a stab in the back if he ever found out. Because, although he has been too stubborn to admit it, I’ve known him for too long to not realize that he most definitely has a thing for her.
In the next second, I thought about how this could change everything with no reverse button. How things could change if I crossed this line.
In the third second, as I felt her pulling away from me, I tossed all reasoning to the wind and took her lips in mine.
I should have stopped. But I didn’t.
And God help me, I wanted more.
So, I took, pulling her close and remembering every night I was inside her as I yearned to be one with her again. She kissed me back with the same fiery passion, which only fueled my hunger.
Until Nikolai’s voice rang through the speakers and punched all the reasoning I had tossed out back into my head.
I know I messed up. But I really can’t promise to do it again, and that’s scary.
I rub my hand over my face and push back from the stool. I was going to make something for her to eat, but now I think I’d just heat some leftovers.
Whatever this is – I can’t let myself feel it again. Not because I don’t want to, but because wanting it puts all three of us on a collision course.
And in our world, collisions don’t end with bruises.
They end with blood.
“Uhmm – hi,” her voice comes from the kitchen doorway, and I snap my head up so fast it almost cracks.
She’s now wearing cotton shorts and a soft crop top that exposes her waistline.
Memories.
“Mia,” I say with immediate composure. “Need something?”
She hesitates and looks away. “Well, could you point me to Delilah?”
“Delilah is out on a mission. I can help you with whatever you need,” I keep my voice calm and composed, but heaven knows that I am anything but.
“Well – that’s a little –“
“Tell me.”
I haven’t moved an inch from where I’ve been standing, although she clearly doesn’t look okay. But she’s on her feet, and I’m just a few feet away.
“I need some tampons,” she finally breathes out. The embarrassment is evident, and it almost makes me smile.
I could send her off to Nikolai in a bid to respect his orders, but she came to me. Nikolai wouldn’t be able to handle her in this fragile situation, and definitely not tonight.
She came to me because she needed someone to make her feel safe. I know how fragile women can be at times like this, and I trust Nikolai with my life but not with her vulnerability.
“I’ll be right back,” I sigh and walk away before I can think too much about it.
I know where Delilah keeps things like this, and because we’ve lived together for so long, I also know how to get into her room.
“I’m back with a paper bag in no time, and she’s still there – sitting by the kitchen counter with her head resting on the wall. She looks pale.
I hand her the bag, and her shoulders sag in relief as she looks inside.
“Thank you,” she sighs. “I didn’t know who else to ask.”’
That statement means more to me than I’d like to admit.
“You should get some rest. Food will be brought to you in a few minutes
She gives me a small smile. ‘Thank you, Fin.”
I nod, and she hops down from the counter and starts walking away, only to pause by the door.
“Uhm – about earlier –“ she starts, but I cut her short.
“Later. Just rest for now.”
She nods with a tight-lipped smile before walking away. We shouldn’t talk about things like that in such open spaces, and definitely not tonight.
I won’t deny that I’m curious about how she feels about it.
Did she regret it?
Or worse, does she not?