17. The Harsh Reality of a Screwed up Childhood

17. The Harsh Reality of a Screwed up Childhood

All night I couldn't find comfort in my bed. I tossed and turned, anxious for the sun to peak out in the sky. I was restless. Hurt. Apologetic for making Nicolo so angry; for not trusting him.

The darkness in the room was the perfect shelter for my dour mood. I scowled with my arms crossed over my chest, lost in thought for hours.

He didn't want me sleeping in his bed. Not that I did that often, but it was a blatant rejection. He shut me out. I deserved it.

My lips formed a thin line as I smacked my arms noisily off the bed. I groaned.

"This is fucking impossible." Sleep wouldn't come. The idea of a peaceful slumber taunted me. I wouldn't be able to sleep. Not with Giovanni's words banging around in my head. His threats. The way Nicolo reacted. All of it bothered me.

I shifted my head to glance out the window. The sky was turning a light blue. Morning time. I half expected Nicolo to come barging in and yank me out of my bed like he seemed to do when he's really upset but my fears weren't accompanied by the sound of loud, thumping footsteps.

Instead, there was only silence. Deafening silence that drove me crazy.

I sat up, suffocated by the blankets atop my body. I shoved them off, angrily tossing my legs over the side and pressing my feet against the cold floor. It was no goodmorning. I was miserable. I should've been happy I was still alive, but there I was, pouting because my 'master' was mad at me. Reality was pathetic. I was pathetic.

I stomped over to the window, and pushed the curtains fully open, trying to take some strength and calm from the light, but all it did was make me envious.

This place was hell. All of it was darkness, and I was slowly sinking deeper and deeper into it all.

A knock on the door startled me. I whipped my head to the side to stare at the thick mahogany, and swallowed the lump inside of my throat. Nicolo?

I relaxed when I heard Jay's familiar voice.

"Selena? You awake?"

"No. Go away," I croaked. My voice was hoarse. I didn't want to be bothered. Especially after yesterday. Jay's sarcastically joyful personality was not what I wanted to deal with. I wanted the drollness of this room so I could sulk.

"Typically sleeping people don't reply." He muttered. I rolled my eyes, and crossed my arms over my chest as he twisted the knob, pushed the door open and poked his head inside the room.

"What do you want?" I cut to the chase, making my annoyance evident in my tone of voice. He slipped into the room and closed the door behind him.

"I want to show you something."

"What?" I asked, curiosity momentarily piqued. His mouth widened into a grin, and he shook his head slowly.

"I'm not going to tell you. The whole point is to show you."

"Show me what?" I snapped. He quirked a brow at me, and sighed.

"I can't say I'm not flattered every time I come to your room and you're not wearing pants, but throw some on. Hurry."

I glanced down at my attire and realized how see-through the shirt I wore was. He could see my nipples and my legs were bare. The shirt barely fell past my hips. If I lifted my arms, my vagina would be displayed.

"Turn around," I instructed him. He chuckled and ran a hand through his locks before reluctantly turning around.

"If you wanted to seduce me, it's working."

I couldn't keep the smile off my face. I was glad he couldn't see it as I padded over to the closet and grabbed a pair of designer capris. I tugged them on over my hips, before ripping open the buttons on Nicolo's shirt and letting it slide to the floor.

"So where are we going?"

"Ask as many times as you want and you still won't get an answer."

I sighed, while rummaging through shirts hanging in the closet. I decided on a purple, long-sleeve shirt.

"Fine. Does Nicolo know?"

I was surprised Jay didn't respond. I assumed that meant no. I admired him. He could get in a lot of trouble for this, depending on where we were going.

Once the shirt's on over my head, I ran my fingers through my hair, patting down as much frizz as possible, before I slid my feet into a pair of flats.

"Ready," I announced. Jay turned, and smiled.

"You look great."

"Thanks," I mumbled. He moved towards the door and opened it, twisting his head to look back at me quickly.

"Let's go, before we get caught."

We walk quickly through the halls. Hushed footsteps guide us. I followed suit of Jay, weaving through doors in parts of this mansion I've never been in; I was too scared to venture to.

Jay mumbled encouraging words as we climbed dusty steps to what I thought was an attic.

When we reached a door at the top of the steps, covered in cobwebs, he dug his hand into his pocket and produced a key.

"Little treasures," He said cheerfully before unlocking the door, and pushing it opened. The door creaked loudly, a quick warning of our misfit behavior, but Jay didn't stop.

The attic was unfinished. The walls were covered in insulation on. A window was against the all acrossed from the door. One you'd find in a house built in the 1800's; thick, and wide. He smiled at me and walked over to it.

"What is this?" I questioned.

"Sanctuary." He addressed before unlatching the window and pushing it open. I peered outside at a deck surrounded by an intricately molded white gate. Two chairs sat on the deck.

Jay climbed out the window first and offered me his hand.

"You're not going to throw me off the top of this are you?"

He rolled his eyes, and wiggled his hand impatiently.

"Scared?" He goaded.

"Not one bit," I replied and placed my hand in his. I stepped out the window, struggling a bit because I'm short and the windowsill was a little high, but Jay caught me as I stumbled out onto the deck.

I glanced around in awe.

"What is this place?"

"It's where I come to think and get away from it all."

A cool morning breeze swirled wisps of my hair around. I chuckled and walked forward observing the things down below. This place was huge. Endless. Dropped on a plot of land so big, there were no signs of civilization for miles.

I could feel Jay's eyes on me as I took the view in. I glanced at him quickly. He smirked and widened his arms.

"Now this can be your sanctuary."

I shook my head quickly. "Oh Jay, why would you give something like this up? You could have this all to yourself."

"Because," he began, steadying his gaze with mine and speaking firmly. "I have a chance to do something right. To give you some peace. Not because I feel like you're some charity case, but because it's what's right. I may not be able to set you free, but I can give you a place you may conjure the same feelings you'd have if you were."

I curled my fingers around the gate, and glanced down at the ground. The drop was far. Anyone would die from it.

"How will I get away to a place like this? Nicolo could realize I'm gone."

Jay shook his head. "He knows you can't leave. Besides, he's got a lot on his plate as of recently. His mind is so focused on other things."

Focused on other things? I secretly wondered what those other things entailed. Jay didn't elaborate, instead he moved beside me and gazed out into the distance. Trees and water. That's all to be seen from up here. Beautiful, and unmoving. I didn't want to ruin things with words, but I couldn't help the itching curiosity on my tongue.

"What was Nicolo's childhood like?"

I turned to face him, noticing the way his brows furrowed. His jaw clenched and he tightened his hands around the gate surrounding us.

"We've all had a rather rough upbringing."

"Nicolo and Giovanni had it the worst."

"How so?" No wonder Giovanni's such a piece of shit. I shook at the thought of Nicolo as a frightened child.

"Well, they were pinned against each other. Made to compete in violent games."

"All siblings compete."

"Not just games of checkers, Selena," Jay snapped. "Have you and your brother ever fought to see who could break the other one's leg quicker?"

I gasped. I wasn't expecting something so horrible. Sadistic. No wonder they hated eachother.

"T-that's sickening."

"Well, I wouldn't feel too bad. Nicolo was triumphant. Every single time. That's why he is now the head of this operation."

"The abuse shaped him into the ultimate gangster?" I questioned horrified. Jay snickered and shrugged.

"I guess you could say that."

"W-what happens if it gets taken away?" My thoughts are on Nicolo's grandfather's words.

If you can't start acting like a businessman, you're useless to me.

"You don't want to know." Jay mumbled. I placed my hand on his arm, and tugged gently.

"Jay," I called, trying to get him to look at me. He slowly turned his head, bringing his gaze to meet mine. "What happens to me if Nicolo no longer runs this empire?" My voice was shaking. Fear began to settle in my core.

"You'll die." His words came out as a whisper. A chilled whisper, like the words were cursed and if he spoke them too loud they'd come true.

I swallow the sobs in my throat, suppressing my tears and the helplessness feeling that begins to swirl inside of my gut. Images of a scared, seven-year-old Nicolo bloodied, and beaten haunt my closed lids. I'm reminded of my little dilemma.

"Jay, can you do me a favor?" I asked.

"What?"

"Can you get me plan-B?"

He tilted his head with confusion. "What's that?"

"It's a pregnancy prevention pill."

His eyes widened. "Why would you need that? Are you pregnant?"

"No," I groaned. "It's to prevent me from getting pregnant." I didn't mention the fact it wouldn't work if I was already pregnant. Not that I'd been feeling sick.

"Why don't you ask Nicolo?"

"He's too distracted..." And angry. I'm afraid he'll hurt me. Last night I saw a side of him that frightened me more than he ever had. He was willing to hurt me. Hell, it almost seemed like he needed to.

"O-okay. I guess I could." He replied. "What's it called again?"

"Plan B."

"Is it a type of birth control?"

"Basically. Except it's not long term. It's more like emergency birth control."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks."

If Nicolo kept forgetting condoms this situation would become worse. I didn't want to have my kidnapper's child.

This time, the beaten and frightened little boy haunting my thoughts wasn't of Nicolo, but of his child.