If I Wasn't Here
Luca was released from the hospital the next day, so I picked him up that evening to bring him to his home. Other than having his arm in a sling, he was fine. As soon as he was in my car, he said, “Hey, so I guess that makes you my chauffeur for the day, huh?”
“Don’t get used to it,” I replied. “Can’t have it go to your head.”
“Are you calling me arrogant?”
“Are you denying it?” I arched a brow.
“No.” He smirked, distracting me for a moment before I remembered I was supposed to be watching the road.
I drove Luca to his estate and helped him inside. I was certain he clung to me a little unnecessarily, but I didn’t comment on it. When he was settled, I asked, “Do you need anything?”
“How about a kiss?” he teased.
“You should be resting.”
“So, I’m supposed to not kiss you for six weeks? You might as well finish killing me off right now.” He groaned.
“Don’t be so dramatic. Just think, you’ll get to admire me from afar.”
“You say that like it’s a positive thing.” He leveled a half-hearted glare at me. “This is torture.”
“I wouldn’t equate it to torture, but hey, you do you.” I smirked at him.
“That’s because you’re not the one with only one person on their mind. You’ve got Alex to steal kisses with. And now I’ve got no one.”
I couldn’t help it; I laughed. “We’ll see. For now, just focus on resting. I assume you can handle things with one hand?”
“I’ve got plenty of experience using one hand,” he started, then he paled. “That came out wrong.”
I laughed again. “I’m going to go before you shove your foot any farther in your mouth. Call me if you need me.”
“I always need you,” Luca said, his tone serious.
Exiting his home, I drove to mine. It was late, and I was tired, so I let myself crash in bed. That night, fate showed me a dream of where people would be in their lives if I hadn’t met them.
First, I dreamed I was standing outside Lush Productions, where George Lush was holding a press conference. “It is with great pleasure that I announce the sale of Lush Productions to Sean Trason,” he said.
Sean strode forward and shook George’s hand. “Thank you, sir. It is my honor to accept this new opportunity. With limited success in the acting world, I decided to put my business degree to good use. I have great plans for this company, and I am sure stock prices will triple by the end of the year.”
“When Sean married my daughter, Stephanie,” George said, “I began training him in the family business. I don’t have any sons, so I welcomed him into the family as my son-in-law.”
“What are the plans for upcoming productions?” a reporter asked.
“We have six films in the works, two music videos, a documentary, and a TV series. We will also no longer be hiring new talent, as we feel this has hindered our growth. Instead, we will hire well-known actors to play the lead roles.”
Their words faded as the dream changed, and suddenly, I was standing in front of Owen. He wasn’t wearing his typical designer clothing, instead wearing a fast food uniform for Sticky’s Chicken. He stood behind a cash register, talking to a woman.
“What are you, stupid?” she yelled. “I asked for mustard, not ketchup!” Then she threw her chicken sandwich in his face. Globs of ketchup spattered his cheek as the sandwich slowly slid down it.
“Ma’am, I’m going to ask you to leave,” he said.
“You can’t ask me to leave! You’re not even a manager! Where is your manager? I want to talk to him about how incompetent you are.” The woman fumed, stomping her foot in anger as she put her hand on her hip.
Owen sighed and turned to walk in the back. Within a moment, he returned with the manager, a tall, acne-ridden man who ended up taking the woman’s side. “It was your mistake,” the manager said. “Fix it or get out. Don’t bring me into something like this again.”
The dream faded again, and I stood in front of Luca Greco as he stood over a man cowering on the ground. Luca had a gun pointed at the poor man, his face twisted in something cold and malicious I’d never seen on him before.
“You shouldn’t have crossed me, Steven,” he said calmly, too calmly. “Do you know what happens to snitches?”
“P-p-please,” the man called Steven stammered. “D-don’t kill me. I have a family.”
“You should have thought of that before you told the cops about my business on 6th Avenue. Now I have to make an example of you.” Luca spat on the ground. “You’re nothing to me now, Steven. Do you know what nothing gets?”
Steven shook his head, whether in answer or in fear, I couldn’t tell.
“It gets buried.” Luca pulled the trigger.
The dream changed again, and I stood in front of a younger version of Nolan and a version of my mom that looked about the age she was when she died. It was Thanksgiving, and she pulled out an ultrasound photo. “We’re having twins!” she squealed.
Nolan swooped her off her feet and swung her around. “You’ve made me the happiest man alive, wife.” They kissed.
The dream changed, and I was inside the homeless shelter on the other side of town. Alex was inside there, curled up on a cot. He had a rough sketch in his hand of a woman with similar features to him. I imagined it must have been his mother. A pack with a few meager belongings sat next to him. Was he homeless without Nolan to watch after him? Alex closed his eyes, and a single tear trailed down his cheek.
Next, I saw Nadine in an apartment with a guy in a wifebeater. He was yelling at her, calling her trash, and basically insulting her. I stepped forward and tried to stop him, yelling to get his attention, but they couldn’t see me. The man struck her across the face, and she lifted a hand to her cheek, tears filling her eyes.
My heart broke at the sight, but I didn’t have time to process it. I was suddenly in front of Lucinda. She was running for state governor, dressed in a crisp pantsuit as she stood in front of a podium. She made claims of more school funding and better infrastructure, as well as more road repairs.
I didn’t know if any of it was true, but Lucinda was the last person who needed any form of authority. She was a witch, and I had no doubt that she’d say anything to get what she wanted. My scowl deepened with each claim she made.
Next, I saw Sky working in a bank. She looked so unfulfilled. I knew she’d had a lifelong dream of becoming an actress, but without Lush Productions hiring unknown actors, it looked like she hadn’t had her big break. In fact, she seemed to have given up.
Sky mindlessly helped each patron at the bank, then a guy in a ski mask walked in with two other men. He carried an empty duffel bag in one hand and an automatic rifle in the other. “Everybody down!” he shouted.
Screams erupted from everyone in the bank as he swung the gun around. “I want everyone on the floor, and kick your phones to me,” he demanded.
“You!” He pointed to Sky. “You’re going to show me where the money is, and you’re going to put it in this bag.”
Sky nodded, her eyes wide with fear. Standing on shaky legs, she led the bank robber to the back. I followed, neither one of them noticing me, just like with Nadine.
I watched as the bank robber shoved the gun in Sky’s back. “Faster!”
She trembled, stumbling and catching herself. Then she opened a vault, where a bunch of hundred-dollar bills and some gold bars were piled high.
“Into the bag!” the robber said.
Sky filled the bag to its brim, then the robber shot her. There was no sense to it, just violence. I gasped. How could this be?
The dream faded, and I awoke in the dark. The clock read 4:13 a.m. I had asked fate to show me what would have become of everyone without me, but I hadn’t expected there to be so much heartache and trouble.
It seemed that most people were better off with me in their lives. And Max wouldn’t have even existed. Was I a terrible person for being unsure if that was a bad thing? Owen would have had nothing without me, and Nadine wouldn’t have me to tell her when a man showed too many red flags.
Nolan and my mom would have been happy, but Alex would have had no one at all. And Sky… she would be dead.
As I fell back asleep, I thanked fate for showing me why I was so blessed to be here. I had never been more grateful to be alive.