Chapter35
The Vision Shifted
Zinnia’s POV
“You told your parents not to call me?” I asked my husband.
“Yeah. Got us through the rehearsal dinner and asked you to come back after my father fucked up shit with that toast. I knew you’d regret leaving the dinner when you calmed down, Zinnie. You’d start believing you made our wedding day uncomfortable, although your sister did a nice job of
that on her own with that fucking white dress.”
Never had I come so close to violence as I had when Iris showed up in that damn dress. And if not outright violence, then I wanted to throw fake blood on her dress. I wasn’t sure if that counted as an act of violence, but I had been shaking with anger. Dash had been ready to toss her out, but once again, I’d chosen peace. I’d swallowed the insult and had taken the easiest way out.
“But right after you left to go home, I took my parents aside and told them they were way off base, that I fucking had it with Dad bringing up something I’d told them a long time ago wasn’t true. Got on Dad for embarrassing you and me and putting something in your head that wasn’t a thought in mine.”
I still cringed when I thought of his Dad’s toast, basically proclaiming me as second in Dash’s
heart.
“Then I told them that I was going low contact with them, and if they needed to say anything they could call me, but they were never to call you because God only knew what shit would come out of their mouths. And I told them if they ever called you, I’d switch to no contact permanently.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me this?”
“I knew what you’d say, Zinnie. You’d tell me to let it go, to keep the peace, that it wasn’t worth fighting about. I gave in to you where your parents were concerned, and I shouldn’t have, but I wasn’t going to expose you to my parents‘ shit. I could protect you from them and I did. I told them as long as they toed the line, we’d see them on holidays, but if I ever found out they’d even looked at you cross–eyed, they’d never see us again. I also told my father he couldn’t have alcohol when he was in your presence, and if he broke that rule, that was another reason I’d go no contact forever.”
“They were always nice to me after the rehearsal. I thought they’d just…straightened themselves
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out.”
“No. This was something I could control, so I did. I couldn’t stop our mothers from talking, but I only talked to my parents once a month, on the way home from work, and even then, I told them the bare minimum. Our relationship after that rehearsal dinner was definitely changed, and not
for the better.”
“I figured that’s when you were talking to them, but I thought it was more frequent.”
“No. Dad hurt you, and I was done.”
So much simmering under the surface, so much left unsaid.
“Dash, why didn’t we talk more?”
He stood right in front of me, and for a moment I almost gave in to my desire to lean against him
and steal some of his comfort.
“We did, Zin. At first we did. All we did was talk,” he said, taking ahold of my hand. “But I think one of the many things we need to talk about is why we stopped talking as much. I want to start talking again, Zinnie. Get back to what we had but make it better with the lessons we learned.”
“I don’t know if there’s getting back to what we had. I feel different from the woman you met because I finally learned to say enough. I’m done with my family, Dash. I’m done with toxicity. I’m done with choosing peace at the cost of my happiness. I’m done with jokes.”
“You should be. And I know you’re different, Zinnie: you left me, and that was a clear signal that you’ve changed. We’re both different. Having your world turned upside down has a way of making you take a long, hard look at where you went wrong.”
Maybe it was all of the things he’d told me. Maybe it was the new me needing to stop hiding her
head in the sand and begin acknowledging my own failures and weaknesses.
“We both went wrong, Dash,” I said softly.
Some people go to therapy. Some people read self–help books. Some people turn to religion. Some people try to push all their roiling thoughts down and ignore them. Some people exercise. Some people escape into books. Some people turn to their friends.
I turned to the bees.
I couldn’t have explained why, but I was drawn to them, and one Saturday afternoon two weeks post–partum, Dash stayed with Melitta, and Sunny took me to the hives.
Maybe I turned to Sunny, too. And Aggie. They were each soothing in very different ways, and their wisdom both sliced me and spoke to me.
“It’s a beautiful day for telling the bees the latest news,” Sunny said as we drove along the path to the hives. “I haven’t told them about Melitta yet. Thought I’d leave it to you to tell the news and her name, but I’ve been telling them you’d be back soon with some very exciting news to share.”
I smiled. I also knew there was a baby blessing in the works for when I was six weeks post partum. Aggie had said the baby blessings and weddings were the only ceremonies she attended.
“More woo than I like on the baby blessing, but we introduce the baby to the four elements, and four of the woo–iest women dress up as air, water, earth and fire. There’s a dance they do, too, but I like the part where all the women offer the baby their blessings.”
“Sunny, do you need permanent help with the bees?” I asked suddenly. I’d been thinking about finding my place in Serenity ever since Branch had talked to me about contributing to the commune. I’d been working up the courage to ask her.
“I do,” she said readily. “It’s already a lot for one person, but I want to add some more hives, so you and I will be the apiarists together going forward. You can help with the weddings, too.”
“Thank you so much,” I said gratefully. “I feel like crying.”
“That’s the old hurts starting to melt away, and another sign that you’re in the right place. You fit in here so beautifully, Zinnia. Your presence in the commune feels as if the universe breathed it
into existence in a space it created specially for you.”
Sunny’s words were like drops of honey on my spirit, sweet, healing and perfect.
“I feel like I can work on myself here. See myself in a new way, correct my mistakes, become strong. Become who I was always meant to be. I want to be a good role model for Melitta, not the doormat I’ve always been.”
“Sometimes it takes getting walked on to stand up and find ourselves,” Sunny nodded. “Give yourself time to heal, Zinnia, and the universe will wrap itself around you and hold you close as your pain seeps away and the new you forms. You’ll see your way forward.”
I could picture it in my mind so clearly.
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“Here we are,” she said with a smile, pulling up to the first collection of hives. “Let’s get on your veil and send you out to spread the word about the newest honeybee. They’ll be so pleased.”
As I approached, the humming and buzzing in the hive grew louder, filling me with a sense of
calm and serenity. Happiness.
I had a vision of someday introducing Melitta to the bees, wearing her little beekeeper suit, her hand tucked trustingly in mine. The vision shifted suddenly, and Melitta, still in her beekeeper
suit, was held on Dash’s hip, and he was walking next to me.
In the coming weeks and months, he would do much more than walk beside me, and his first
opportunity was fast approaching.
Sara Lili is a daring romance writer who turns icy landscapes into scenes of fiery passion. She loves crafting hot love stories while embracing the chill of Iceland’s breathtaking cold.