Chapter 5 The criature in the shadows...
The first time I met him, he asked me to dance in the middle of a song. I loved that song. Some time later, one cold afternoon in the city of Lyon, my lover took me to the music building where he taught his music classes, because that was where he studied and trained as a musician, it was a very special place for him. And then, after more than a decade, in that music conservatory in the city of Lyon, I sat in front of a piano again.
The first time I entered to study at the Conservatoire National Supérieur de Musique et de Danse, I was madly in love with him, and the first time I played the piano again was a coincidence, because I accepted his invitation to that music conservatory without knowing that I would sit in front of a piano again.
My grandfather had come back from the war very ill, he was with the German army troops, at the end of the war he returned and I moved to Leuvoniciences with my parents to take care of him. I stopped studying at the conservatory in Lyon, and I felt somewhat lost without dance and without my piano lessons, then that love relationship became my anchor to earth, the person who gave meaning to my existence was him, because he loved me, and because somehow he brought dance, and the notes of the piano to my life.
But the relationship I had with my beloved musician ended because of the distance, and my soul was broken forever. That's when I enrolled in piano lessons in Paris and returned to play it and crack my knuckles until I learned to play it. I didn't give up, and my grandfather who listened to me rehearse late at the neighbor's piano, one day, sick and helpless, talked to the neighbor to give me the piano as a gift. It was a small piano, but it was the most significant gift my grandfather gave me in life. It was carved in pine wood and was Yamaha brand.
I stopped for a moment and looked at the piano where I was sitting, skirted with my fine fingers the letters "Yamaha" and brought both hands to my mouth covering my lips with a surprised expression.
My piano teacher always corrected me for the same mistakes. I adored my teacher, I wanted to be like her. She was elegant and chic and had big hazel eyes. Finally, the first time I learned to play octaves in unison by reading the bass clef and treble clef she congratulated me. "You did it," I remember her saying.
Since then I always move my fingers in unison on both hands, because I had a hard time learning that movement. It is my small achievement that fills me with pride. Once upon a time, when I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a beautiful pianist. When I lived in Lyon, and I met that musician I fell in love with, I approached music to be closer to him. I studied musical language to read scores while studying at the conservatory of Lyon. That allowed me to become an excellent dancer and to learn to mark on the stave the rhythm of the dance steps.
When I left my ballet classes, I religiously attended my piano lessons every afternoon, until the teacher would come up and tell me that the school had to close and it was time to go home. My favorite song is Skinny Love by Birdy, a British pianist. Someday, if I have a daughter I want to name her Birdy. It was the first song I learned to play. It reminds me of my first love. What I enjoy most about the piano, when I play it, is to feel again how I always feel when I play it: like a fragile girl, in love and full of dreams. I like to play when no one is listening to me, it is a moment where I commune with my soul and my memories, and I don't need a bigger audience than my fingers playing the keys with aplomb. My favorite audience was always my first love, and once he left my life, finding him in the octaves of the piano was a beautiful consolation that I still thank the universe for today. In losing him, I hit rock bottom, and then writing, dance and music finally emerged from me."
I finished reading my grandmother's letter and heard the bugle of a vehicle sound in front of the house. The lights of an automobile flashed at me as I peered out the window. Then I noticed Seeley in the driver's seat, his blue eyes staring at me. I smiled at him from the window. I left my grandmother's diary on the piano and went down to greet him with a kiss on the lips.