Bleak Morning

Bleak Morning
Lilieth 
The sun rises, yet in my mind, everything is still dark. 
I don't know what else awaits us today, but I do know for a fact that I'm not ready for it. I'm worn out completely—right now, the fighting spirit has left my body and I'm going to have a hard time finding it again. 
There's only so much a person can take, and I've finally reached my limit. 
Directly after a small, silent breakfast, Cadeon, Timmon, and Golen head outside to help around in the village. Mom and I remain seated at the table. Deo is with Corey, and it seems Anice is still asleep. 
We exchange a look. I can't help but notice how tired she looks—there are dark circles under her eyes, and her lips are pursed while the edges are turned downward. 
I don't think she slept at all. 
"How'd you find her?" I ask, deciding to break the silence. I'm guessing it wasn't as complicated as we initially assumed because she and Golen came back unharmed. 
Mom sighs and leans closer to the table. "I don't even know where to begin. We both got very lucky, that's all I can say. Golen risked his life to get her back. We found her at the academy."
My eyes widen. "Really?"
She nods. "Yeah. She was there. They've started rebuilding it, and you know what? That's a testament to their futility. They care more about the academy than the endless Omega lives they destroyed. So, we got there, and then we watched them for hours to figure out where they were headed. When the coast was clear, we made the most of our opportunity and rescued her."
She goes quiet after she says this last beat, and as I stare at her face, I realize that she's reliving those memories and they're affecting her. When her gaze flickers to mine, I see tears swimming in her eyes, but she doesn't let them fall. 
Mom's always been very sentimental, but I noticed that she's trying to be strong, perhaps for us. This can't be easy for her—if life feels like it's falling apart for me, then it definitely is for her. 
Her fingers drum against the table as the silence between us ensues. I know what's next in this story—the state they found Anice in. How she feels about the whole thing. I'm torn between wanting to discuss this with her and not bringing it up ever again. There's no in-between. 
I stay silent, though. Not a single word concerning Anice escapes my lips. 
"I'm particularly sad about Deo," she admits. Her voice falters toward the end of the sentence and she gulps, recovering quickly. Her eyes are fixed on the tabletop. Her fingers continue their relentless drumming. 
"Yeah. We all are," I admit. 
"I remember my first pregnancy. Corey was...let me just say he changed me completely, your brother. I became a completely different person."
I frown. "In what sense?"
"Oh, I was so emotional," she recalls, bringing her hands together and placing them right under her chin. "I had this impending sense of doom that ruined my entire mood. I was paranoid that something bad would happen. Sometimes I even felt like I was being followed. Then again, it wasn't easy for me. Golen and I had to keep our entire relationship a secret. I was always so scared that we'd be discovered. It wasn't easy."
"Were the other two the same?"
"Just about," she admits. "Women react differently to pregnancy, especially in the early stages. Later on, it wasn't really that way. I felt calmer and more secure."
"Have you ever met anyone who acted the same way as you?" 
"At the village, only one woman told me she experienced something similar. My emotions were all over the place. I hope this won't offend you, but I hated being pregnant."
A small smile curves the corners of my lips. "I never would have guessed it if you hadn't told me, Mom."
I don't say anything else. Silence falls upon us, and about three minutes later, Deo joins us. She's bleary-eyed and her eyelids are swollen. The sight of her breaks my heart. Mom rises and makes her a quick breakfast that she insists Deo should eat. 
I keep looking back and forth between the two of them and feel even more heartbroken. We're all clearly devastated by what's happened. Then, there's Corey, who's still burning up. At this point, I can't even find it in me to check on him. 
I'm so afraid of what could happen. 
Deo eats a little, has a few sips of coffee, then heads back to the room. The healer mentioned that it would be great if his mate stuck to his side because the bond could help him heal, or at least remind his body that there's something worth fighting for. 
It could've been worse. If the blade had a single trace of silver, Corey wouldn't have survived it. 
A few hours later, Golen enters the house. His forehead is beaded with sweat and he looks like he ran all the way here. "Lilieth, you need to come with me. Ignis Draven is holding a meeting and he wants you to be there. Honey, you don't have to come along."
Mom says, "Yeah, I'll stay here in case Corey needs something or wakes up." 
I leave with Golen. "Where's the meeting being held?"
"Right in the middle of the village. There's nothing we can do about that—the library has been destroyed and he hasn't had time to rebuild anything. We'll have to make do without notes and such."
"Do you know what the meeting is about?"
"I believe it's about how we move forward. But to be honest? I think it'll be more serious than that."
"Why do you say so?"
He glances at me as we walk downhill. I see the crowd gathered around, waiting for the meeting to start. "I saw him talking to one of his Gammas who's acting as a spy. He was handed something. A letter. It was folded up and had a white ribbon around it. You know what that means, don't you?"
I gulp. I think I have a fairly good idea. 
"Let's see what he'll decide," Golen continues. "We have come a long way. It would make absolutely no sense to turn back now. What would we go back to? Being nothing?"
Golen's right. Though I don't want to continue fighting, I know that there's no way we can go back to what we were. It would be awful. People like Golen would be hanged for being traitors. Draven would lose his pack. 
No, there's no turning back. 
We just have to keep going.