Chapter 46

Chapter 46
I reluctantly followed my mother upstairs, my mind racing with thoughts and emotions. I didn't want to talk to her, didn't want to pretend like everything was okay. But Xavier's gentle encouragement and my mother's persistent concern had worn me down.

As we reached the top of the stairs, my mother turned to me and said, "Avery, sweetie, what's going on? You've been acting so strange tonight."

I sighed and rubbed my temples, feeling a headache coming on. "Nothing, Mother. Just tired, that's all."

My mother's expression said she didn't believe me, but she didn't push the issue. Instead, she said, "Avery, I know you're upset about something. And I think I know what it might be."

I raised an eyebrow, curious despite myself. "What are you talking about?"

My mother hesitated, then said, "I think it's about your father's plans for Xavier. I know you're not happy about it, and I don't blame you."

I stared at her, surprised. How did she know? Had she been paying attention all along?

But before I could respond, my mother continued, "Avery, I want you to know that I'm on your side. I don't agree with your father's methods, and I think we should talk about it."

I was taken aback. My mother, standing up to my father? It was unheard of.

I was flabbergasted. My mom has always been the two goodey shoe wife and now she's saying there's something about my father she didn't like?
I had to pinch myself to see if I was dreaming.

I felt a surge of anger and frustration, and I couldn't hold back anymore. "You're just now saying you don't agree with him?" I yelled at my mother. "Where was this when I was being forced into this marriage? Where was this when I was being manipulated and controlled?"

My mother took a step back, looking taken aback by my outburst. "Avery, I-"

"No, Mother," I cut her off, my voice shaking with rage. "You never stood up for me. You never protected me from him. You just stood by and watched as he ruined my life."

Tears streamed down my face as I confronted my mother. "Why didn't you ever defend me? Why didn't you ever say no to him?"

My mother's expression crumbled, and she looked away, unable to meet my gaze. "I was scared, Avery. I was scared of your father's temper and his power. I didn't know how to stand up to him."

I laughed bitterly. "You were scared? You were scared? I'm the one who's been living in fear my whole life. I'm the one who's been suffocating under his control."

My mother reached out a hand, but I pushed her away. "Don't touch me. You had your chance to stand up for me, and you blew it. Now it's too late."

"Avery, please understand..." my mother began, but I cut her off, my voice rising to a deafening crescendo.

"Understand? You want me to understand? You have no idea what I've had to endure, Mother! You have no idea what it's like to live with a narcissistic father who only cares about himself!"

I felt a surge of anger and resentment, my words spilling out like venom. "I've had to deal with his constant belittling, his gaslighting, his manipulation! I've had to walk on eggshells my entire life, never knowing when he'd blow up next!"

Tears streamed down my face as I confronted my mother. "And you know what the worst part is? You've always enabled him! You've always made excuses for him, always covered up for him! You've never held him accountable for his actions!"

I felt a deep sadness and betrayal, my voice cracking with emotion. "I've felt so alone my whole life, Mother. So alone and so scared. I've had to hide my true self, hide my feelings, hide my dreams... all because of him!"

My mother took a step back, looking devastated, but I didn't care. I needed her to understand, needed her to see the pain I'd endured.

"I've had to deal with anxiety, depression, PTSD... all because of him! And you know what? You've never even acknowledged it! You've never even apologized for not being there for me!"

I felt a wave of exhaustion wash over me, my voice barely above a whisper. "I'm so tired, Mother. So tired of living this lie, tired of pretending everything is okay... tired of being his victim."

My mother's face contorted in anguish, but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. I needed her to understand the depth of my pain, the depth of my suffering.

"I feel like I'm living in a constant state of fear, Mother. Fear of what he'll say next, fear of what he'll do next. I'm always on edge, always walking on eggshells. I can't even remember the last time I felt truly safe."

I felt a lump form in my throat as I continued. "And the anxiety, Mother... it's suffocating. I feel like I'm drowning in it. Every little thing sets me off, every little thing makes me think I'm not good enough. I'm constantly questioning myself, constantly wondering what I did wrong."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. "And the depression, Mother... it's like a dark cloud that follows me everywhere. I feel so alone, so lost. I don't know how to escape it, I don't know how to make it stop."

I looked at my mother, pleading with her to understand. "I feel like I'm losing myself, Mother. I feel like I'm disappearing. I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know what I want anymore. All I know is that I'm tired, so tired of living like this."

I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I whispered, "I just want to be free, Mother. I just want to be me."

My mother opened her arms, tears streaming down her face, and tried to hug me. But I pushed her away gently, my heart heavy with emotions.

"Don't touch me, Mother," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "You irritate me, and I don't even want to be near you."

My mother's face crumpled, and she burst into sobs. I felt a pang of guilt, but it was quickly overshadowed by my own pain and anger.

"I can't stand your weakness, Mother," I continued, my words spilling out like venom. "I can't stand how you've always enabled him, how you've always made excuses for him. You're just as toxic as he is."

My mother's sobs grew louder, and she fell to her knees, begging me to forgive her. But I just stood there, my heart cold and hard.

"I don't want your apologies, Mother," I said, my voice dripping with disdain. "I don't want your tears. I just want you to leave me alone."

As I turned and walked away, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. I had finally told my mother how I truly felt, and it was liberating.

But as I looked back, I saw my mother's broken form, and for a moment, I felt a pang of regret. Maybe I had been too harsh, maybe I had been too cruel.

But then I remembered all the pain she had enabled, all the suffering she had ignored. And my regret turned to anger once again.

I knew I had to protect myself, and that meant keeping my distance from my mother. At least for now.

As I turned to leave, my mother grabbed my hand, her grip tight and desperate. "Avery, please," she begged, her voice trembling. "Be calm, for your father's sake. He needs you now more than ever."

I pulled my hand away, my heart racing with anger and frustration. "You mean for his election?" I spat, my voice venomous. "You mean so he can continue to manipulate and control me?"

My mother's eyes widened, and she gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. "Avery, no, please," she whispered. "You can't mean that."

I turned to face her, my eyes blazing with determination. "I told him, Mother. I told him that if he wins this election, I'll disown him. I'll leave him and never look back."

My mother's face went white, and she stumbled backward, her eyes filled with horror. "Avery, no," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "You can't do that. He's your father."

I felt a surge of anger and resentment, my heart heavy with emotion. "He's not my father," I spat, my voice cold and hard. "He's a monster, and I won't let him control me anymore."

As I turned and walked away, I felt a sense of liberation wash over me. I had finally stood up to my mother, finally told her the truth. And I knew that I would never go back to being the obedient, submissive daughter again.

I stormed into the living room, my heart still racing with anger and determination. Xavier and my father were sitting on the couch, their conversation apparently finished. Xavier looked up at me, his eyes questioning, and my father's expression turned smug.

"Lilith, darling, I see you're still upset," my father said, his voice dripping with condescension.

I ignored him and walked over to Xavier, grabbing his hand. "We're leaving," I announced, my voice firm.

Xavier looked at me in surprise but didn't resist as I pulled him up from the couch. My father's face darkened, his eyes narrowing.

"Lilith, you can't just leave," he growled. "We're not finished discussing this."

"I'm finished," I said, my voice cold. "And I'm taking Xavier with me."

With that, I turned and pulled Xavier out of the room, leaving my father's angry face behind. As we walked out the door, I felt a sense of freedom and empowerment wash over me. I was finally taking control of my life, and I wouldn't let anyone stand in my way.

As we reached the door, my father's voice boomed behind us, making me cringe. "Xavier, you mustn't forget about our event tomorrow!" he screamed, his words echoing through the hallway.

Xavier's hand tightened around mine, and he looked back at my father with a calm expression. "I won't forget, sir," he said, his voice firm.

My father's face turned red with rage, and he took a step forward, his fists clenched. "You'd better not," he growled. "You're committed to this, Xavier. You can't back out now."

I pulled Xavier out the door, closing it behind us before my father could say anything else. As we walked away from the house, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. We were finally free from my father's toxic behavior.

"Let's get out of here," I said, pulling Xavier toward the car.

"Okay mama, but let's talk." 

Xavier's arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a warm embrace. I felt a lump form in my throat as he held me, his gentle touch a stark contrast to the anger and tension that had filled the house.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, his voice soft and concerned. "Why are you so mad?"

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. "It's just my father," I said, my voice shaking. "You can't understand babe but everything would be alright. Someday I'll get rid of all of the bad energy and things will go well with me."

Xavier's grip tightened, his arms holding me closer. "I'm so sorry, babe," he whispered. "That must be really tough for you."

I nodded, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes. "It is," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "Sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself, like I'm just a pawn in their game. It hurts so bad but I'll be fine with you by my side." I said as I planted a soft kiss on his cheeks.

Xavier pulled back, his eyes searching mine. "You're not alone, babe," he said, his voice firm. "I'm here for you, and I'll support you no matter what."

I smiled, feeling a sense of gratitude toward him. "Thanks, my love." I said, my voice a little stronger now. "Just being with you makes me feel better."