Chapter 143 Head over heels for you

Chapter 143 Head over heels for you
Tegan

The metallic tang of fresh blood and the sharp, chemical sting of melting ice hung heavily in the air, transforming the corridor beneath the stadium stands into a suffocating space.

The earth-shattering roar of the stadium crowd was distant now, a muffled, continuous drone echoing through the reinforced concrete rafters above me, but the silence inside this place was worse than the noise outside. It was a dead, ringing silence, the kind that you can call the calm before the storm.

I stood completely paralyzed against a cold concrete pillar, my hands trembling violently inside the pockets of the hoodie I was now wearing over the jersey. I got it from Sophie, after I left the bathroom. Charlie and I found her seated somewhere isolated, with Deedee. We filled her in on everything and tried to watch the game in peace. That was until Hayes started beating the shit out of Noah.

The silver E.F. keychain was pressed flat against my palm, the metal cutting deep into my skin, but I couldn't feel it. My brain was completely crashing out, the visual loop of what I had just witnessed on that ice flashing across my eyes in a relentless, agonizing loop. There's no fucking way he did that.

I had watched the man I loved turn into an absolute, untamed monster in front of thousands of people and a dozen media cameras. I had watched his massive fists repeatedly fracture a boy's face with a feral, bloodthirsty rage that had absolutely nothing to do with hockey violence.

The heavy iron doors of the training office violently slammed open behind me. Hayes stepped out into the dim office, and the ambient temperature of the place instantly dropped to absolute zero.

He had stripped off his helmet, his hair a damp, chaotic mess of sweat and ice, his broad six-foot-four athletic frame still breathing with a heavy, erratic rhythm that rattled the plastic plates of his shoulder pads.

His jersey was torn at the collar, his knuckles heavily wrapped in fresh white medical tape that was already stained with deep, blooming crimson spots of Noah's blood.

He looked lethal. He looked like a werewolf let out on full moon. The moment his predatory eyes tracked through the shadows and locked onto my face, the rigid determination in his jaw tightened.

He closed the distance between us in two long, ground-shaking strides, his heavy boots clicking against the floorboards as he reached out, his massive hands instantly trying to anchor onto my waist to pull my body forcefully against his chest. I stopped myself from moving back as I allowed him pull me into his embrace. My body going stiff.

"Don't look at me like that," he whispered, his voice a deep, gravelly rasp that vibrated straight through my bones.

He leaned down, his face inches from mine, his pupils blown wide with a maniac, possessive panic that he was trying to hide behind his ‘tough guy’ persona.

"Look at all the things that he fucking did. He's—”

"You promised me, Hayes," I whispered, cutting him off with five syllables that cut through whatever excuse he was about to spew like a sharp blade.

My voice was quiet, entirely too quiet, devoid of its usual sharp wit or defensive armor I mask around it. I didn't yell. I didn't rage. I just looked up into his rugged, handsome features, a raw, piercing hurt bleeding so acutely through my eyes. Causing his massive hands to instantly hesitate on my hips, his fingers trembling against the fabric of my hoodie.

"Tegan—"

"You looked me dead in my eyes back there and told me you won't fucking do it, you gave me your word," I cut him off, a single, hot tear finally escaping my lashes and tracing a slow, wet path down my pale cheek.

I pulled his wrapped hands off my waist, taking a definitive, heavy step back into the dark shadows of the concrete pillar, creating distance between us, completely avoiding the look in his eyes. Because it will drag me back, my bold stance will fucking break with just one look. I won't be able to tell him what I need to.

"I stood right there and I begged you. I told you to just wait till after the game. I told you, your captaincy, the team's entire reputation was on the line. And you looked at me, you lied to my face, and the second you skated out there, you did what you wanted to anyway. You let the monster in you take over, Hayes. You let him win."

"I didn't lie to you." he said calmly. Sounding completely broken.

“I just couldn't control it….” he trailed off. He loomed over me, his face twisting into an expression of raw, unbridled torment.

"I tried, Tegan. I skated out there and I played the fucking game! I avoided him, but the second he mumbled your name……I completely lost it. Yes, I let the monster in me win. I told you exactly what I was at the frozen lake and you said it didn't fucking matter. You said you understood." He says defensively. Making me almost want to forget about all of this and pull him into my arms.

Almost…..

"Yes, I did," I whispered back, my chest heaving beneath his massive jersey as the crushing weight of the entire night collapsed over my shoulders.

"I told you I loved every single broken, violent piece of your soul, Hayes. And I meant it. I still do. But love isn't a shield for destruction. I cannot stay here and watch you throw your life away because somewhere along the way, you started treating violence like it's the only language you know how to speak.” I spat.

“Hayes, my world is built on healing things, on keeping people alive. And your entire world is built on blood, chaos, and breaking things into splinters. I am suffocating, Hayes."

The word suffocating hit his chest like a physical body-check, making him visibly stagger back a half-step. The stone mask on his face completely fractured, a sudden, terrifying crack breaking through his dominant composure as his fingers twitched at his sides.

"So what do you want to do, Tegan?" he murmured, his voice dropping into a low, jagged whisper that sounded completely undone, a frantic, desperate panic flaring in his dark eyes as he stepped back into my space, his hands reaching blindly for my wrists.

"You want to leave me? Is that what this is? You're going to pack your bags, and walk out of my house because of what I am?" He asked desperately.

A low, soft, and utterly humorless laugh escaped my lips, the sound echoing hollowly against the tiled floorboards. I looked down at his white-wrapped knuckles, then back up into his wild, beautiful face, a heavy, devastating warmth bleeding through my eyes despite the tears blurring my vision.

"Leave you?" I whispered, my voice thick with a profound, breaking emotion that made his breath completely stall in his throat.

"Hayes... you are such a fool. Look at me. I am wearing your jersey, I am carrying your child, and I'm head over heels for you. How could I ever leave you? You have me on a fucking permanent chokehold, Hayes. My heart doesn't even know how to beat without matching the rhythm of your chest anymore. I am insanely in love with you, and that is exactly why this hurts so bad."

I stepped forward, my hands slowly rising to press flat against his broad, sweat-soaked vest one last time, feeling the frantic, thunderous pace of his heartbeat beneath my palms.

"I'm not leaving you," I whispered softly, my thumbs gently tracing the silver embroidery of his nameplate across his shoulder.

"I just... I just need some time away from…...I need some time away from you. Just for a little while, Hayes."

I pulled my hands back, my shoes clicking quietly against the concrete as I turned on my heel and began walking down the dim corridor toward the exit gates, my designer tote bag clutched tightly against my side.

"Tegan! Wait! Stop!" Hayes roared behind me, the heavy, sound of his boots cutting through the thick air as he frantically lunged forward, trying to close the distance between us.

"Tegan, don't do this! Please come back! You can't just walk away from me!" He called out, his voice lacking the usual dominant, commanding tone he normally used. It was a rough, broken plea of a man.

I stopped near the threshold of the glass double doors leading out into the night. I didn't turn around to look at him. Because I know the moment i do, I'll run right back to him. I just closed my eyes, a single, heavy breath escaping my lips as I whispered into the dead quiet of the tunnel.

"Please, Hayes," I breathed, the soft, desperate word carrying enough absolute finality to make his heavy footsteps instantly freeze in the shadows behind me. "Just let me go."

I just need some time alone, Hayes.
Not because I want to leave you.
Not because I stopped loving you.
But because everything hurts right now, and I don't know how to untangle the grief from the relief from the anger.

I sighed heavily, pushing through the glass doors, stepping out into the cool, silent night air as the heavy iron gates shut behind me with a resounding, echoing thud.