Chapter 46 The emptiness withîn

Chapter 46 The emptiness withîn
NOVA'S POV

I walk inside to an empty lobby.

I almost felt something today.

Hope maybe.

"Who's hoodie is that?" Mom asks when I walk into the kitchen.

"Fabio's."

She raises her eyebrows.

I gr1b a water bottle from the fridge.

"Are you two–"

"No. Long story."

She presses her lips together nodding.

I get it now.

With the ring.

I just wish I had the strength she thinks I have.

I reach for my small bag and take out the ring box.

"You were wrong about me."

I place it on the kitchen counter before making exit.

Sofia was right.

I now know what it's like to lose everything.

Funny how my friends are silent during all of this.

But I have been too.

Maybe I should go back to the way things were.

I never had to feel this shattered.

Just intoxicated enough to breath.

I take out my phone.

My thumb hovered over Rafa's name.

For years he had been the person I called whenever life became too loud.

But this wasn't loud.

This was grief.

I pressed call anyway.

Because for the first time in my life....
I didn't know how to survive myself.

"Nova!! I was just talking about you."

He says a little to eager.

"Good things i hope, Rafa."

"Ofcourse....I leave the bad for my sister."

I chuckle.

"Where's the party tonight?"

Even asking that sounds wrong.

There's no confidence left in a reputation I built to escape my reality.

"You disappearedafter the game. Everyone is talking about that kiss."

"Please don't."

A pause.

"Just...tell me where you are."

"My house."

Maybe I wasn't meant to be happy but the little time I had with Sofia felt close to that.

So close.

"I'll see you then." I say before the call ends.

He doesn't ask about my life and in return I enjoy the recklessness.

I head to my room to change.

A pair of baggy jeans and a white tank top over a white button down shirt fits the occasion.

Downstairs I run into mom again but she doesn't talk.

She just eyes me up before walking past me.

"I'm not letting you follow me around to my friend's house. Tell my dad that."

The two men exchange a glance.

"I'm sorry, Miss Castiello."

The older one steps forward.

"Our instructions are to remain with you at all times."

I let out a humorless laugh.

"So I wasn't assigned security."

"No, ma'am."

"You were assigned to me."

Silence.

That was answer enough.

I looked past them toward the front gates.

Freedom was only a few meters away.

Yet somehow...

I'd never felt farther from it.

"Fine."

I brushed past them.

"But if you're going to follow me around like shadows, at least don't embarrass me."

Neither of them smile.

Neither of them speak.

They simply followed.

Just like my father knew they would.

There's people scattered outside the house and the noise grows louder once I'm inside.

"Nova?!" Riley yells running towards me.

She wraps her arms around me for a second longer than I'd like.

"Where's Rafa?" I ask and she gestures for me to follow her.

I find him playing bear pong with girls and some guys.

But he stops when he spots me.

"Nova fucking Castiello." He greets leading me out of the crowded room.

The patio is barely used or occupied and that's because Delia is less understanding when it comes to pool parties.

"What's with the security?"

I rool my eye.

"Reality finally settled in." I say simply.

He hands me a bottle of half full tequila.

"I know I'm not the best of friend but I'm here if you need to talk." He says genuinely.

I don't doubt that.

But it won't change the fact that I'm a danger to someone I really want to be with.

"I know."

I take a gulp from the bottle.

"Delia told me about the video. They didn't think you'd actually let yourself fall for the junior."

"I didn't." I retort almost immediately.

I did.

"I said they Nova. I'm not blind."

I scoff.

"You walked her to her classes Nova. You stopped bringing girls to parties.  You started leaving early. You memorised a coffee order. No one does that for a dare–"

"I think i got it."

He chuckles.

"I'm sorry about my sister. She can be very–"

"Bitchy?"

"Close but possessive. She's not used to not getting what she wants."

I nod in understanding.

I take a few more gulps letting it settle somewhere in my empty stomach.

Each gulp tasted like punishment for hurting Sofia.

We head back inside but the voices in my head are quieter now.

I feel a hand brushes against mine making me turn abruptly.

Just an unfamiliar female face.

Not my Tinkerbell.

I make my way past the crowd to find Rafa. He must have disappeared.

I know my way around so I decide to go to the kitchen.

The sudden wave of heat in my body is confirmation enough that I'm no longer sober.

"Castiello?" I turn abruptly at rhe familiar voice.

Mila.

"Why do you look surprised?"

The words come out a little slurred.

I look down at the now empty bottle.

I hadn't noticed.

"What are you doing here?"

She looks....worried.

"Partying like everyone else?"

She scoffs.

I've already blamed myself so it won't feel different if she does.

"Clearly." She focuses on the empty bottle.

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"That it's my fault. I know you want to."

"Nova–"

"You should have told me. That she wasn't fine. That she was acting strong but she wasn't. You should have kicked me out the moment she let me in."

She pauses.

The gulps down whatever liquid she had in her cup.

"If you cared enough you'd have noticed all the signs." She says.

She's right.

I could have.

"Why are you here then? Shouldn't you be in Rome?"

Her eyes grow wider.

The her jaw clenches.

Luca is her boyfriend after all.

"Where did you hear that?" She says moving closer so only I can hear.

"Luca."

She laughs bitterly.

"Is this a joke? First you put my bestfriend in a coma and now your cousin tells you stuff after we broke up?"

The settles somewhere in my chest.

"She's in a coma?"

Mila frowns.

"...You didn't know."

I shake my head.

My stomach drops.

"No..."

Her face softens a little.

"You Castiellos always know how to land a punchline." She walks past me to the exit.

"I'm sorry Mila. For everything."

She stops, her back still facing me.

"I already have a museum of those, Nova. You're not your cousin."

Then she's gone.

The kitchen  suddenly feels too small.

People laughing in the next room.

Someone started another drinking game.

The world had already moved on.

Mine had stopped the moment Sofia kissed me....and I finally understood why she said I'd know what it felt like to lose everything.