Chapter 65

CZAR

"You’re such a mess," I replied. "You don't want me to get comfortable, but you're the one who won't let go."

"And you won't look pitiful tomorrow," he held me by the waist and effortlessly lifted me off the ground and spun during the music's last chorus. "Go outside when your section is about to perform. You can still hear the music from there. I'll be there and I'll dance with you."

He was startled. I pretended not to notice but it seemed he had been sensing whether I was upset with him for a while now. He was trying to anticipate how I'd treat him.

"An alliance."

I frowned in disbelief.

"This mess also started with an alliance. Are you ready to trust again? And should I start shopping for a wedding dress again? Who will be my groom this time?"

Papa sighed. "I know you're still angry with me, Avaline. And there will be no wedding that you do not want ever again."

"It's not the marriage that made me angry, papa," I hissed in frustration. "But the fact that you make me feel like an outsider."

"All I've done was treat you like my princess as you deserve. You don't deserve to be tainted by our world."

"A princess locked up in a tower with walls so high that I can't even reach you? You're right, papa. I really was a princess."

My papa opened his mouth to speak.

"And do you know how painful it is that what I wanted you to teach me, you taught to others? The time I wanted you to spend with me, you spent with others. And I'm talking about Devika by the way."

The chopper became silent. Freya stopped talking to the two guards. I felt my father glance at me, but I did not look back. I'm grateful for his sacrifices but it will never erase how worthless and left out he made me feel.

We landed in Yekaterinburg, and even on our drive home it was quiet. Papa tried to start small conversations with Freya, which quickly died down.

I kicked off my shoes and went for the stairs when we arrived home.

"Ms. Ava!" The maids exclaimed in chorus. Even Morana seemed happy to see me.

But of course, that quickly changed when I stormed past them.

"It really hasn't changed," Morana commented. I'm still unchanged myself; I still don't care about her opinion.

Freya knocked on my bedroom door when I was about to fall asleep.

"Sorry, Ava. There’s nothing for me to do downstairs. The maids don’t want any help."

I scooted over on the bed and patted the space beside me as an invitation.

"I'm sorry that we haven't talked much," I gave her a small smile. "And that argument you witnessed doesn't really give a great impression of me."

"I'm not an angel either, Ava. I'm pretty sure I've done that in the past too."

Freya played with her finger and looked around. She wants to ask me something.

"Ask me," I spared her the misery. "I won't get angry."

"Uh..." She pinched her arm. "I'm just confused. It looks like you love your husband. Why did you separate, and why did you leave? It seems so sudden..."

Freya physically braced herself by making herself smaller, as if talking about it was taboo.

"It wasn't real, Freya. We didn't get married out of love."

"But I saw you last night. You cried so much. You looked scared and worried sick about him. You were waiting for your husband. Isn't that love?"

"He's not capable of that emotion, Frey. And I won't stay if he can't reciprocate what I feel for him."

She nodded in understanding, like she was reading one of her tragic love stories.

"I love him, but I love myself enough to never subject myself to martyrdom."

My dad allowed Freya to stay for a week. He's trying to console me.

Freya and I did nothing but watch her romance movies. She tries to make me read her ebooks, but I don't have the attention span to finish a novel. That's why I prefer poetry—short but meaningful.

I deleted all my word documents filled with the short poems I wrote for my ex-husband.

I read one of my silly entries from tenth grade.

I'd back away if I were wise

From the man who is cold like ice

And broke my heart twice

It's alright, his eyes will suffice

I squint my eyes shut. I haven't visited this document in so long. I hit delete, not wanting to humiliate myself further.

Dad came home one morning, his skin painted with red. I've seen him like this for several days now.

"You want to know how to shoot?" He stopped instead of going straight into the house like usual.

Good thing Freya wasn't around; she was in the bathroom. She wouldn't have handled hearing us talk about shooting like it was just casual conversation.

"I know how," I replied.

He was only surprised for a moment. He retrieved something from his pocket.

A gun.

"How about..." he cleared his throat, "...self-defense?"

His awkwardness caught me off guard.

"We can spar if you want," he added.

"That would be great. It's been a while since I've practiced."

"There are traitors in De Greco. It's a relief knowing you can protect yourself."

I tried my hand at the gun. It had been days since I'd practiced. I aimed it at one of the plants in the pool area.

I smiled when I heard Morana scream just as she was coming out to clean by the pool area.

"I promised your mother that I would never involve you in the crime business. This business has been the only thing I've ever known my whole life. I'm not used to things outside of it; that's why I rarely spent time with you."

"Why didn't you give me away if you didn't know how to deal with me?"

"Because I will never trust your safety with anyone else. I may never be able to give you all the fun and quality time that other parents can offer, but safety I can surely provide."

Freya approached us.

"What about Freya? Can she come with us when we spar?" I don't want to leave her here; she doesn't have anyone close by.

"Bringing her out frequently in public would make her an open target. But it can be managed; we can increase her security."

"But your men can't be controlled anymore. What if they themselves harm Freya? What if one of them is a traitor?"

"There are still many of Monteval's men here, but I'm slowly but surely getting rid of a lot of them—with Levesque's help."

I had refused to meet his eyes earlier, but now I couldn't look away.

"That was your truce?"

Dad affirmed it.

My eyes traced the bloodstains on his skin.

"Now they'd think twice before questioning my authority again."

I secured the gun in the holster of my pants; this way, it's easier to access.

In Freya's remaining days in Yekaterinburg, we went out together. It's Saturday now—just two days left before she goes home. She might even get fired from her job.

CZAR

I stormed outside my room, carrying a knife and a gun after shooing away girl number three who tried to seduce me tonight. I can hear girls and music when I entered Alaric’s part of the house. I didn’t care what nonsense they were up to.

I slammed the door of his room open. Alaric was leaning against the headboard, one arm behind his head, while two strippers danced in front of him. The women didn’t stop. They glanced my way and licked their lips as if inviting me.

I shot them a look. “Out.”

Alaric straightened up and raised an eyebrow. “I already sent girls, Czar. No need to cockblock me.”

“Pick up your clothes and get the fuck out,” I ordered the women with a hint of threat while glaring at my brother.

The two women almost tripped over themselves in their hurry. Before they could even exit the door, I aimed my gun at Alaric. I had little regard for whether or not they could handle brutality.

“You choose, Alaric. Shoot yourself in the head or cut off your dick?” I placed my other hand on the holster that held the knife.

The two women gasped and ran out of Alaric's room.

“Chill, Czar. Isn’t three enough? You should’ve just told me. I’d give you the girls. I could just find others to entertain me.” He leaned back on his bed as if I wasn’t threatening him with a gun to his head. He knows I would never harm him or Eiran. But maybe this time, I’ll be doing some damage.

“Stop sending girls to my room. They’re fucking annoying.” In fact, none of them aroused me at all. Despite their attempts, they did nothing but make me as dry as the Sahara Desert.