Chapter 63 — A Complicated Mess

Cry. Regret things. Blame herself. Recall the good and fun times. The memories they'd made.

Feel sorry for him and herself. Regret how it ended. Then cry her eyes out all over again.

The stupid cycle went on and on, keeping her locked up in her room, just depleting what's left of her will and energy.

Then the doorbell rang. The low-pitched, almost ominous noise echoed around the house and broke off the tense silence around her.

Jessi froze on the floor. Her mind switched back to full alert, her ragged breaths put on pause. The nerve-wracking thoughts in her foggy head wrenched tight knots of anxiety inside of her, making her forget about sleep and her exhaustion.

Her face and nightdress both felt damp now. She had already run out of tears and energy. But it seemed he was far from done with her.

When the doorbell rang again, she forced her limbs to move and got back on her feet. Was he trying to piss her off?

"Darn it, Joss." With a sigh, she walked out of her bedroom while hurriedly wiping her face with her clothes, restless and imagining the worst. She rushed her steps and swore to herself when she almost fell down the stairs.

Was it really him? She prayed in her head before heading for the front door, badly wishing it was someone else, but she knew he didn't just walk out the gates to finally leave her in peace. Highly unlikely.

While her heartbeat sped up and loudened in her ears, Jessi peeked through the peephole. She tried to swallow the clump of nerves and unease stuck in her throat, but failed.

Now he was standing on their porch. Just waiting for her. The guy looked dead serious. It was scary. His face looked menacingly dark from the shadows, the porch light almost hiding his deep-set eyes. At the moment, he just looked raring to go.

Why wouldn't he just leave her alone? What did he actually expect? That she would just forget everything and welcome him back into her life with open arms?

Maybe it's what he believed would happen. Or maybe he just wanted to hear her apologize for what she did. For everything she did. For hiding the truth from him. For pretending he didn't exist. For hiding the kids from him.

Kids. Their babies...

Just thinking about them pained her heart. They had not a single clue that their dad was right outside the door, being as patient as he could, eagerly waiting to finally meet them.

As much as she wanted to just reset today and make him disappear, she had no choice but to deal with him now. Face him again and talk it out with him. Hopefully she could still convince him to leave without causing such a scene, but imagining the opposite still made her sweat profusely.

Silently praying for the best case scenario, Jessi took a deep breath before yanking the door open so they could be face-to-face again. She didn't even wait for his reaction. She just walked out of the house and shut the door behind her. She clasped his forearm before dragging him back outside.

His SUV on the other side of the street waited not far from the gates, and she just kept walking despite her trembling legs and shaky breaths, dragging him with her till they reached the door to the backseat.

Then they just sat next to each other behind the driver's side, not even saying anything. She just didn't know how to break up the tension.

With an apology? Some "hi, how are you?" types of questions? What did he really want her to say?

“Can I at least see them?” Jenson murmured after a lengthy silence she prolonged by not looking at his face.

When she finally had the courage to look him in the eyes, she almost flinched when he grabbed her hand to hold it tight on his thigh, the shadows on his face partly concealing his emotional state.

The backseat was almost pitch-black, but at least they had total privacy now. Her parents were nowhere near, and the kids were already snug in bed. Whatever it was that Jenson wanted to discuss now, they could talk it out without any distractions.

Except her own thoughts and fretful self. Ugh. Why did some part of her still expect tonight would turn out differently?

Sitting too close to him now didn't help ease her breathing back to normal, but at least she wasn't bawling her heart out or hyperventilating. Unlike earlier. “What do you want? Why're you still here?”

“Why were you crying?” Jenson squeezed her hand and kept staring at her in spite of the darkness, then sighed out loud. As if her murmured questions plainly disappointed him. “Are you upset 'cause you're scared of me? Or 'cause I didn't try to find you sooner?”

“No.”

But how did he actually find out? Did he talk to Kel? Perhaps. It was the most likely conclusion she thought of after she cried it out in her room and let her brain do its job.

Maybe Jenson forced Kel to spit out the utter truth. Or Kel just decided that telling him everything would be the best for all of them. The kids, especially.

“You can't just tell me to leave like this isn't...” He let go of her hand and covered his face with his palms to stifle a sigh.

“Who told you?”

“Mykaela.”

Okay. Just as she suspected. Well, at least he was being one hundred percent honest with her right now.

“Jess, I just need to see them. Please.”

“Why?” she wanted to ask. Instead, she kept her mouth shut, fearing the answer he would give wasn't the one she wanted to hear. Sitting alone with him in the dark, being intimately close to him again, their hands and legs touching, feeling his warm breaths on her face...

It was almost suffocating. Too familiar. Too consuming. Too much external stimuli she really didn't need right now. But what mattered more to her was the urgency in his tone. His earnest pleading just pricked her heart, instantly sending her into another guilt trip.

He could be having a hard time right now restraining himself, just so he wouldn't end up barging into their house to get what he wanted. Break in and just take the twins. Take her babies away from her and never give them back.

But maybe it was just her paranoid thoughts again. Maybe he really just wanted to see the kids. Finally meet them. Spend time with them. Meet her parents.

But they were all just maybes. She needed to make sure she had the upper hand no matter what. For the kids' sake. “Sorry. You— I can't just let you…” Jessi looked away and swore inwardly, annoyed by her incoherent thoughts. “You can't just show up, a-and expect me to not react this way. Seriously, my dad would call the cops if he saw—”

“I know. I understand. But, I'm still the kids' dad.” He paused to touch her cheek as they stared at each other. “I'm here now. And you can't keep hiding them from me.”

“I... They're not—”

His warm and calloused hands clasped her wrists. “I know you think I have no right, but I'm not asking for much. I'm not goin' anywhere till we sort this out.”