Chapter 48 — Some Self-Control

Try as she might, the ongoing debate in her head just wouldn't stop. It kept her up for another hour.

They shouldn't be in the same bed, alone in her bedroom with his arms holding her still and keeping her from leaving the bed. They shouldn't sleep together. Period.

From what she'd heard about him and Charmaine, Jenson was officially a single man now. But the fact that he never said anything about his breakup with Charm just spoke volumes.

Maybe he wanted to keep it secret for now, for his and Charm's privacy. After all, he seriously kept his private life private. Same thing with his mom.

Not once did he talk about his mother being confined in a psychiatric facility for a long time now. Until tonight. Jessi turned to face him, with her arm wrapped around him as she matched his stare under the faint lamplight. “I'm sorry about your mom.”

"I know."

"Did you... Are you gonna hold a service for her? I'll help you with the preparations."

"No." His lips pouted. "She wanted to get cremated."

"Okay."

"Maybe just a quick service in the cemetery. Then..."

"Okay. I'll make some calls this Monday."

"Thanks." Jenson leaned in to kiss her forehead gently.

She closed her eyes and held his hand. "Why didn't you tell me about her?"

Jenson sighed and shrugged weakly, as if he'd rather go to sleep now than talk to her about his late mother. "I don't have a lot of fond memories."

"But still, you didn't just leave her in Italy when you moved here."

"No. I couldn't," he sighed while his gaze focused on the ceiling. "After Pappa was gone, her sister died in the hospital soon after. Mamma had no one else left to take care of her."

"How did you... Who helped you move out of Italy with her so you could live here in California?"

A quiet few seconds passed before Jenson glanced at her and spoke again. "Magnus. He paid for everything. After he heard Pappa died in prison, Magnus just showed up. Offered his help. I didn't know him that well or trusted him, but...he's still family, and he had money. And I just…I couldn't say no."

She stroked his cheek and nuzzled against him. Her leg rested on his under the thick blanket while her chin pressed onto his stiff shoulder. An old nightgown had replaced her wet and ruined dress, and now he was wearing one of her loose shirts to keep him warm.

"We were broke. Barely surviving. I dropped out of school. Was already working two jobs at 17 but still couldn't afford proper treatment for her. Then Magnus showed up. He told me he would help us, and he had a better paying job for me," Jenson muttered with creased brows. "I took it. Didn't even hesitate."

"So, he sort of adopted you and paid for your mom's medical bills?" She had only seen one photo of the man. She came across the picture when she was doing some research online, utterly curious about Jenson's family background.

Looks-wise, Magnus and Jenson didn't share anything in common except for the pale green eyes, dark brown hair, and sharp jawline.

"Yeah," Jenson murmured. "He said he and Pappa were close. Like brothers."

"Your mom was already ill before you dropped out of school?"

"Yeah. I used to think Pappa going to prison triggered all of it. But, now that I keep thinking about it, not really sure anymore. I just... For years I just kept pretending I already forgot that part of my life."

"I'm sorry..." Jessi hugged him and kissed the side of his arm. "I didn't mean to pry or bring back bad memories." She lightly kissed his cheek. "I'm done asking questions."

"It's okay." Jenson glanced at her and smiled faintly, tilting her head with his knuckle under her chin. "I like talking to you."

"Why?"

"You calm me down."

"Why?" She held her breath, quite desperately waiting to hear some confession from him.

"I dunno. You just...make me feel like I could trust you with anything." He stroked her cheek and stared into her eyes, his arm hugging her close to him. "You always make me feel better. About things, and about myself. Sometimes you're like free therapy." He chuckled.

Her breathing hitched when her heart swelled at his hushed confession. Jessi held back tears and glanced away. She was nowhere near ready to admit she was just falling in love with him the more she knew about him and his mysterious past.

But if he actually told her the things she needed to hear, she would open up to him about her real feelings. She might even fess up and tell him that she decided to leave California and quit her job just to avoid Charmaine's wrath.

A scandal of that scale... Shit. It could destroy his career, his and her life, and forfeit their privacy altogether. Jessi stayed still as she suppressed the tears. She couldn't afford to deal with the ramifications if word ever got out.

She was just a girl with a big dream. A simple-hearted dreamer trying to make ends meet. She never wanted to fall for a guy like him. Or get entangled in someone else's mess—especially not rich, famous, and influential people like Jenson and Charmaine van den Hoven.

"What's the matter, babe?" he whispered to her cheek when she stayed tightlipped.

"I just don't want her to think I...ruined your relationship."

"You didn't."

"She thinks otherwise. I know. You told me."

"But you didn't do anything wrong," he mumbled. His warm hand held her face to make her look him in the eye. "Okay? You didn't do anything wrong."

"She hates me, doesn't she?" She bit on her lip. Her insides just cringed at the thought of Charmaine and other people thinking Jenson had been sleeping with his new and younger assistant despite being an engaged man. She wasn't that kind of person. But apparently his ex-fiancée thought she was definitely the closest thing to a selfish, immoral homewrecker.

"No."

"No need to lie." Jessi scoffed and sat up on the bed, unconvinced. Before she could leave him alone on the covers, he grabbed her hand to pull her close to him again.

"I'm not lying." He hugged her with his arms tight around her waist. He held her still, her back pressing against his warm chest. "I wouldn't lie to you."

She sighed to herself, helplessly torn. But the less sensible part of her just loved this kind of intimacy with him. She shouldn't trust his empty promises or enjoy his kisses and his comforting embraces this much.

They weren't in a relationship. He was her boss, and she was leaving the city in a couple of days. They shouldn't start something they had no intention of taking seriously. But her stupid heart was way more stubborn than she thought.

Right now, she wanted nothing but to spend the rest of the night with him in her bed, enjoying his warmth and his sweet, loving kisses and caresses. Dangerous line of thinking, but, too late now...

He already found out about her secret. He knew she wanted him, too. It was probably why he wouldn't let go of her yet. "If you really wanna leave and go back home because of your parents...fine." Jenson let out a sigh while his soft lips pressed gentle kisses on her nape. "I'm not stopping you anymore."

"I have to. Mom begged me to, and Dad's real worried."

"I know. I understand." Jenson kissed her shoulder with his arms holding her still. "I won't argue your decision anymore. But, promise me, you'll keep in touch. Alright?"

"Okay," she murmured while tears filled her eyes and blurred her vision. Her face and throat felt hot and painful now, and her chest tightened amid the slew of guilty feelings that consumed her thoughts. She was lying to him. She didn't plan on keeping in touch, but he didn't need to know that.

"What's wrong, babe?" He held her arms and turned her around to look at her face. His breath still smelled of liquor, but he didn't look that intoxicated anymore. His words and his behavior tonight seemed unusually sweet, but it didn't really mean it was because he drank more than he should.

"Don't tell anyone you spent the night with me." She averted her gaze as she swiftly wiped off her tears. "Please?"

At first, he only frowned at her request. Jenson stared at her while his brows furrowed, indicating his confusion. He pressed his lips together, and his arm stiffened around her back. He didn't even budge when she tried to pull away.

After her second attempt, he finally let go of her. She restrained her sobs and put on a straight face. It physically hurt to see the pain in his eyes, but she had to do the right thing. For both of them. She had to protect him from himself. Protect his job. His career. His future.

"Get some sleep." She kissed his cheek and walked towards the door without waiting for his response. "I'll drive you home first thing."