New Beginning
I walked back to my apartment after dropping Hazel off at daycare, it wasn't a far distance, the school was very close by, only about a five-minute walk.
The smell of fresh paint welcomed me as I walked into the living room.
Shawn must be here already, he came way earlier than expected, I made my way upstairs quickly and stood in awe at the doorway.
"it's so beautiful " I gushed out staring at the newly brightly painted room.
The designs and arrangements were perfect, I couldn't wait to hear Hazel's excited squeal of laughter.
Shawn turned around to face me, the painting brush still clutched in his hand, his work clothes, and some part of his face smeared by the paints.
"You are back," he said with a huge grin then took a glance at his handiwork.
"It's really nothing. I just uh chose pink and silver, I just thought she might like it ..."
"Of course it is perfect, Hazel is going to love it for sure !"I exclaimed stepping further into the room.
A grin spread across his face as he scratched the back of his head awkwardly.
"Thank you so much for this Shawn, I'm really grateful "
"I'm glad I could help out. Honestly Grace "
A tiny smile curved on my lips, I turned around to head back downstairs when he called out.
"There it is"
"what? "I turned around to face giving him a confused look.
"You are smiling, it's rare to see you smile " He murmured my mouth shaped into an "O" at his words, I didn't know how to reply to that.
"You should do it more often you know, it makes you look even more pretty "
There he goes about teasing me about it again, I took a glance at my wristwatch before directing my gaze back at him
"I'm not up for your flattering so early in the morning okay? "
I decided to ignore him and walked towards the door when his next words stopped me.
"I'm serious, you really as cute as a bunny can be trust me"
I froze midstep, the hair on my body standing on their ends, I slowly turned around to face him.
"What did you say? " My voice came out as a faint whisper.
"Did I say something wrong? " his teasing expression was gone. replaced by a look of worry.
I shook my head slowly, I sucked in a sharp breath trying to relax my tensed muscles and nerves under control.
" No "
I hurried out of the room after that ignoring the look of confusion on his face.
Bunny.
He'd called me that. only HE used to call me that.
He won't find you.
It's already been so long... He must have forgotten about you already.
Even though I say these words to reassure myself every day it still didn't erase the fear that gnawed in my lower stomach, slowly eating my insides up from within.
I hurried my way into my bedroom to change into my work attire, today was Monday, and could be quite busy at the orphanage where I currently work at.
I decided on a simple T-shirt and a pair of faded Jean trousers, I stared at my reflection in the mirror as I ran my fingers through my hair to loosen up tied knots.
Although I changed my appearance, my long brown hair was now a short chin-length blond, people around know me as Grace and not Graciela, that scared little girl was still somewhere inside of me and Shawn's friendly statement had rattled me up more than I'd like to admit.
That rainy night I had run five years ago will be forever engraved in my memories.
I had boarded a taxi, quietly told the driver to take me away as far as he could...
Away from him.
He hadn't questioned anything as long I had the cash and I had more than enough at that time, Sebastian had ensured that.
A young girl in a new city, no family... friends or anyone I could call my own, I wandered around aimlessly for some hours before I bumped into Mrs. Paula, she was the first person who greeted me with a friendly smile which I so badly needed at that moment.
I learned later that she owned a small orphanage where I currently work, both she and her grandson Shawn were nice people, they were kind and friendly but I didn't allow myself to get too close.
After everything I have been through I don't think I could allow anyone to get too close to my heart ever again.
I had wondered so many times if I had made the right choice to leave him that night, for the first few weeks I had felt like I had lost a huge part of myself, I would often catch myself thinking about him. Wondered how he reacted when he woke up and found me gone.
He must have raised hell, that was without doubt.
I told myself then that I didn't fall in love with my tormentor, that I didn't miss him, I mean how could I? he'd made my life so miserable, corrupted every little bit of innocence I had, and smeared me with his darkness.
But despite these thoughts I still cried myself bitterly to sleep every single night in the past year, the bed had always felt so cold and empty. I never realized I had grown accustomed to his warmth or his touch.
I hated how he had made me grown used to him without even realizing it, despite being far away a part of me craved his darkness and his touch.
Was it even possible to fear anyone so deeply but wanted them at the same time?
That showed exactly how much he had messed me up.
For about a whole month I didn't step outside my apartment unless it was necessary, and all those times I did so In fear, always looking behind my shoulders.
Mrs. Paula had noticed, did I mention that she's also my landlady? , she always sorts me out every day offering cookies and others she probably knew her attention was unwanted but still she did not give up, she always made sure she checked up on me at least twice a day.
Shawn also did the same whenever he was off duty, he only became a cop four years ago but he thinks he's obligated to ensure everyone's well-being I decided to get used to them since they both wouldn't just give up.
The neighborhood was entirely safe, The money Sebastian gave me ensured that I lived comfortably but I wondered if it would be enough to protect me from HIM.
Three months later I found out I was pregnant.
With his baby.
I didn't realize it sooner because I had been so stuck on so many things, most predominant was the fear of being discovered.
When the hospital had confirmed it I had only been slightly surprised, I felt nothing else at that moment, a part of me had just accepted the fact that I would never be able to get rid of him.
He had still managed to leave inside me a part of him, I would always be reminded of him whether I like it or not.
For about a week I would just stare at the doctor's report in a daze like a state.
I wasn't even able to protect myself, how would I manage to protect the life that was growing inside of me?
But I decided to keep her, for some reason besides fear it awoke something else inside of me, a very strong feeling of belonging like I was no longer alone, I would have someone who would really love me.
a baby.
Who would really want me no matter what?
I gave birth to Hazel, the moment I held her little wailing form in my arms was the first time a smile appeared on my lips, it felt so strange at first, my smile formed into laughter, and then I couldn't stop laughing.
She was so beautiful and perfect in every single way, looked every bit like me except for her eyes, those pair belonged to him.
A dark shade of green.
I gave her all the love I had, all of my care, my very existence centered around her, every little smile she threw my way was all I needed to push on.
Her first smile.... first words and even the first time she walked is forever recorded inside my heart, I couldn't imagine a life without her.
She's going to be turning five in about a week, it felt so strange since it feels just like yesterday since I gave birth to her, but it filled me up with excitement that she was growing up with all the happiness and love she needed.
I wanted to have a room made for her, she'd always slept beside me since she was born, it would be hard to get used to sleeping alone on my bed again.
Shawn had taken up my request to have the room right next to mine repainted.
I grabbed my purse from the stand and left the room.