Chapter 86 Chapter eighty-six

Chapter 86 Chapter eighty-six
Nikolai's POV

"Kiss me." Elena's voice came up softly as she leaned toward me again, ready to take my lips into hers. Every instinct inside me screamed to close the distance, to take her lips into mine. Instead, I raised my hand, my palm settled gently against her lips, stopping the kiss before it could happen. God help me, I wanted her badly, so bad that it hurt. Every brush of her skin against mine had chipped away the self-control I had spent months building; her perfume clung to my clothes; her warmth lingered against my chest; her bum pressed against my erection; and the memory of her lips still haunted me from the last kiss we had shared a few seconds ago. My eyes lower to my fingers pressed slightly against her lips, God! I want to kiss her again, but I know if I kiss her again, there would be no stopping.

"We should stop," I whisper, my voice rough enough to barely sound like my own. Her beautiful blue eyes search mine, filled with confusion.

"Why?"

"Because..." I started but I couldn't finish it.

"Go on, because what?" She urged but I looked away before she could see the storm raging inside me, because I'm barely holding on. After all, every decent part of me is losing the fight, because if I keep on touching her, I won't be able to let go. So instead of answering, I reached for her bra lying forgotten on the seat where I had thrown it; my fingers barely touched it before Elena snatched it away. "Oh yeah, because I'm your brother's fiancée?" Her voice cut through me like broken glass. She climbed off my lap and put space between us that I couldn't close. Every inch she moved away made the cold inside the car feel unbearable.

"Elena,"

"Take me home," she cut me off, as she hurriedly adjusted her gown, refusing to meet my eyes. "This was a fucking mistake." Her voice was almost breaking, and I saw tears gathering in her eyes before she blinked, then away with stubborn determination. I shut my eyes; I could not bear to see her sad.

"Baby..." I tried to reach for her hand, but she pulled away before I could reach her.

"Take me home." She snarled.

"Elena, please listen to..."

"If you don't take me home, I will get out of your car and walk home." Her voice shook, but there wasn't a hint of hesitation behind it. I dragged both hands through my hair. She wasn't understanding me; she thought I was rejecting her. If only she knew what she did to me. How her closeness is killing me. My entire body ached from wanting her, every glance at her lips reignited images I desperately wanted to bury and that thing inside my head, that I had no name for, had become my worst enemy, painting impossible pictures of her beneath me and it didn't stop screaming those words, that she is mine and not my brother's. For a brief second, I wanted to believe those words. I really wanted to, but the truth is, Elena isn't mine till Rafael is alive. Just end the fucker if it bothered you that much. That voice rings in my head, yet again I was going to buy that, killing Rafael wouldn't be all bad, not like he is a saint. Snapped out of it, Nikolai, you can't. I called myself to order, but that didn't change the fact that I had imagined it. And I hated myself for even imagining them. Rafael was my brother, my blood, even if we didn't share the same mother. Crossing this line wouldn't just destroy our family, it would start a war, and in our world, betrayal was paid for in blood. And it might mean death for me.

"Try to understand, I said quietly, trying to explain to her.

"Take me home!" She screamed cutting me off, the pain in her voice silenced every argument I had left, I nodded once without another word, I started the engine but I still wanted to explain myself, I didn't want her to start the year in anger 

"Elena, not like I don't want you but the..."

"Nikolai stop!" She interrupted me, "Stop talking to me." And that was all. She was giving me another cold shoulder. I sighed, then started driving. The drive back to the mansion was torturous. The silence pressed against my ear until it became louder than any gunfire I had ever survived. Usually Elena voice filled every quiet moment even when I tell her to stop talking, even when I hate too much talk, I know I love hearing her voice, the sound of her voice was like music to my ear but today, I had annoyed her too much, and I could hear her silent sob, she stared out of the window while the city lights reflected across the glass. I reached towards her once, hoping she would let me hold her hand; instead, she shifted farther away. That hurt more than I expected. My phone remained untouched, the radio stayed off, and only the engine and the exciting, joyful shout of people outside the car accompanied us through the busy streets.   Suddenly, her phone rang, the bright screen illuminated her face, and she pressed the receiving button.

"Happy New Year!" Shannon's cheerful voice echoed through the speakers. For the first time since the little argument, I saw Elena's expression soften. She inhaled deeply before forcing warmth into her voice

"Happy New Year."

"Are you okay?" Shannon asked almost immediately. I glanced sideways, even Shannon could feel something was wrong.

"I'm fine," Elena lied smoothly, "you know how I sound when I'm sleepy." I almost laughed; she was a terrible liar, but I don't think Shannon would buy that. Before Shannon could reply, another familiar voice interrupted.

"Oh my little niece, who sleeps on New Year's morning?" I smiled despite the predicament I was in, as Carson's voice echoed from the other side of the phone.  

"Stop interrupting my calls," Elena laughed. The sound hit me square in the chest. Not hearing it for just a few minutes felt like years, and somehow I missed it.

"You two are at each other's throats already?" Elena teased.

"I swear one of these days, I will cut his throat," Shannon complained dramatically while Elena chuckled. 

"You don't want Moretti coming after you for killing his brother," I chuckled inwardly, when Elena used her father's name Carson groaned loudly.

"I Heard that!"

"Good, it's not like I don't want you to hear." Shannon shot back, and their bickering continued until Elena laughed so hard she had to wipe tears from the corners of her eyes. I couldn't stop watching her from my peripheral vision as I drove. She deserve this version of herself, the smiling one, the carefree one not the woman I had reduced to tears only minutes earlier even through the joking, I noticed something, Carson never once sounded annoyed with Shannon even at every insult she threw at him, that earned another laugh from him and it reminded me painfully of the way I looked at Elena, the way I wanted her but I know I can't have her but even if we can't be romantic involved doesn't mean we can't be friends. Like Carson, everyone in the circle knows he wanted Shannon but just couldn't openly claim her, maybe because of his brother, but that doesn't stop him from making Shannon happy. Maybe that is real strength, and maybe I was a coward or simply weaker than him.

"Nah, your dad and Grandpa can't catch me, I will just hide under your bed," Shannon declared proudly while Elena laughed.

"Silly girl,"

"Always me."

"Silly and pretty," Carson added.

"Stop with those old pickup lines, I know I'm pretty." I could imagine Shannon already pushing him playfully because Carson was laughing again. "I will let you sleep now," Shannon said warmly, "Happy New Year, baby."

"Happy New Year, love." This time Elena's voice was cheerful, and just like that the call ended and so did Elena's smile. The silence returned instantly, I hated it, without thinking, I reached for the compartment beside me, the small velvet box I had hidden there all week rested inside, I had picked it when she dragged me to shop with her but I didn't dare to give it to her or maybe, I didn't have a reason to give it to her but perhaps I do now, I held the box toward her

"Happy New Year." She looked at the gift then at me, her expression barely changed.

"I don't need that." The words stung more than they should have. I knew her father could afford anything for her but a gift is still a gift no matter how small it is.

"You didn't even open it how would you know..."

"Because that's not what I need." She snapped at me, "I need something that I don't have." My heart quickened.

"What is it? Just tell me, if I could give it to you, I will." She looked out of the windshield instead of at me.

"You can't." The mansion gates appeared ahead, too soon, far too soon, the car rolled to a stop beneath the entrance lights without another word, she opened the passenger door, panic surged through me, I climbed out immediately.

"Elena," she ignored me, walking quickly toward the front entrance, I caught her wrist just before she reached the steps she stopped but didn't turned around, the cold midnight air surrounded us, fireworks still exploded somewhere beyond the estate walks, welcoming the new year, none if it mattered, not while she stood in front of me looking like I had broken something precious, "please." My voice came out softer than I intended. "Tell me what you want." She remained silent before she finally turned to me. Her eyes were glassy, shimmering beneath the golden lights outside the Mansion. She looked exhausted, heartbroken. 

"You really want to get me a gift?" She whispered, and I nodded, "So you will give it even if it's something hilarious to you?" She folded her hands stubbornly. Yet again I nodded.

"I could try,"

"You promise?" She asked, searching my face for several long seconds, as if deciding whether trusting me one last time was worth the risk.

"I promise," the words slipped out, and she smirked, taking a step closer, until only inches separated us.

"I want you." My eyes bulged and the world around us seemed to stop. "I want you to fuck me."