Chapter 19 Chapter Nineteen
Nikolai's POV
The stack of files hit the desk with a loud thud for the second time in less than an hour. Numbers spilled everywhere, spreadsheets loose, documents sliding over the polished wood like they were running away from my irritation.
“Why the fuck,” I growled under my breath, shoving a palm through my hair, “... are there so many figures that don’t tally?”
Silence answered me. Then Matteo, who had been standing there quietly, too quietly finally spoke. “Boss… is your heart still hurting you?”
I lifted my head slowly, narrowing my eyes at him. “Of course it hurts. Didn’t I get hurt last night?”
He blinked, confused for a second, then laughed, actually laughed. Loud, obnoxious, shameless. I glared at him.
“When did you get a heart that hurts?” he cackled. I stared at him like I was deciding where to bury his body.
“Idiot,” I snapped. “I thought you were talking about my hand.”
I glared down at the bandaged wrap around my upper arms, a reminder of last night, a reminder of Elena. A reminder of how close she had gotten, how close I had let her get but hadn’t let myself cross that line.
Have I not?
With the way I kiss her, I don't think I haven't crossed that line. I wanted her, not just her lips. Everything reminded me of her. Last night I tried to forget her.
But all I could see was her nudity and her lips, the way they move when she speaks, and this morning, I only wanted to go there and see her, I wanted to start my day with her beautiful face and invite her to join me at the office probably but Rafael was there, withtheir hands intertwined it breaks my heart and something inside me wanted to come out and separate Rafael head from his neck.
Matteo, unfortunately, was not done.
“So,” he began with that crooked smirk, “is this tantrum because you couldn’t kiss her last night? Or because she is with Rafael right now and they might be..."
“Shut. The fuck. Up.”
I didn’t raise my voice, but the cold slice of it cut through the room. Even Matteo straightened.
He lifted his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. I’m just saying… you’re acting like a jealous man.”
I ignored him.
I couldn’t deal with his nonsense, not when my head was already a mess.
“Get me everything you can on Rafael,” I ordered.
Matteo blinked. “Everything?” That seemed to shock him more than my yelling. "But he is your brother and you already know everything about him. That he is a mafia, the first son of Don Alessandro..."
“Stupid, I wasn't talking about that...” I bit out. “I want full details. Why did he choose Elena? What was their relationship like? Every suspicious detail from the last few months. I want it all.”
Matteo hesitated. “Niko… that sounds like you are going to war.”
I looked him dead in the eye.
“Then go sharpen your sword.” He opened his mouth probably to argue but my glare shut him up instantly. He scurried out of the office, leaving me with nothing but the quiet hum of the AC and the storm building inside my chest.
I leaned back in my chair and exhaled slowly. Why the hell was I thinking about her again?
Elena.
Her soft voice last night. Her worried eyes when she saw my injured hand. The way she wanted to ask if I was alright but didn’t because Rafael was right there. Because she was terrified of upsetting him.
And now… right this moment… she was with Rafael.
What were they doing?
A sick twist tightened my stomach.
Was he touching her?
Kissing her?
Treating her like she was his?
Of course, she was his and he had every right to touch her. My fingers curled into fists.
She shouldn’t be with him. And I didn’t even know why that thought made my blood boil the way it did, but it did. More than it should.
The papers in front of me blurred, the numbers drowning under the noise in my head.
I slammed them shut.
Fuck this.
I grabbed my jacket, shrugging it over my shoulders with sharp, impatient movements. My mind wouldn’t stay still, and no amount of calculations could drown out the image of Rafael’s hands on her waist or his lips brushing hers.
I needed a distraction. Something, anything to shut my brain up.
That was when I found myself in the car, engine roaring as I sped out of the compound without giving Matteo or anyone else a warning. The city blurred past me, lights, traffic, shadows but it all felt distant. Hollow.
My destination wasn’t planned.
My thoughts weren’t clear.
All I knew was that I couldn’t sit in that office another second wondering what Elena and Rafael were doing together. I couldn’t picture her laughing at his silly jokes. I couldn’t stand imagining her leaning into him. I couldn’t handle the possibility of her choosing him.
Not when…
Not when my heart kept dragging me back to her.
So I drove.
And I drove.
Until I pulled into the private parking of Gianna’s apartment.
Of all people.
Gianna.
My occasional escape, my on-and-off fling though even calling her that felt like giving our arrangement too much meaning. She wasn’t my girlfriend. She was just… a distraction. Predictable. Uncomplicated. Someone who wanted what I could give and nothing more.
I wasn’t even fully aware of getting out of the car until my feet hit the ground.
My pulse thudded louder than the car door slamming behind me.
I reached her door and lifted a fist to knock.
For a moment, I froze.
Why was I here?
She had called through all last night, but I didn't take any of her calls.
Because I needed someone to get Elena out of my head. Because I needed noise louder than the jealousy clawing at my ribs. Because I needed a way to forget how her eyes softened when she looked at me.
I knocked.
Not gently.
The door swung open after a few seconds.
Gianna stood there in a robe, damp hair falling around her shoulders, eyes widening with surprise then satisfaction.
“Nikolai,” she breathed, smile stretching slowly and sultrily. “What a surprise.”
I didn’t smile back.
“Let me in,” I said simply.
Her brows lifted she wasn’t stupid. She could sense the tension rolling off me, the irritation in the set of my jaw, the darkness in my expression. Gianna always noticed the signs.
She stepped aside without a word.
I walked in.
The lights were dim. The scent of vanilla candles lingered in the air. Soft music played somewhere in the background.
I shrugged off my jacket and tossed it onto her couch, loosening the buttons at my wrist because the bandage was starting to feel suffocating.
Gianna leaned against the doorway, arms crossed, studying me like she was inspecting a weapon.
“My, my,” she murmured. “Someone is in a mood.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “You have no idea.” She walked closer, her movements slow and deliberate, fingertips brushing against my arm.
“Work?” she asked.
I shook my head.
“Family?” Another shake.
Her smile widened knowingly.
“A girl.”
My jaw clenched.
That was all the confirmation she needed. Although most of the mafia's gatherings, I have attended with Gianna, she understands the kind of relationship we had, no commitment, it's an open one.
Gianna stepped closer, tilting her head. “Let me guess… Elena.” I stared at her, confused. How did she know about Elena? "Don't give me that look, is it Elena?" I didn’t answer.
That silence alone told her everything. She gave a short, amused laugh. “So that is why you’re here. Because she’s with her fiancé right now?"
My teeth ground together at the reminder. Because she was with Rafael. Because he had her. Because I didn’t.
Gianna reached for my bandaged hand, gently lifting it. “This from last night? I waited for you to come, so I could care for your wound, but you didn't show up. Who did this for you? I know it's not done by a professional.
I pulled my hand back, not harshly, but enough to stop the conversation.
“I don’t want to talk,” I said.
“Good,” she replied with a slow smile. “I didn’t invite you here to talk as well.” She turned and walked toward her bedroom. And for the first time since morning, my mind went completely silent.
No Elena.
No Rafael.
No jealousy.
Just space.
I followed her. Not because I wanted her. But because I wanted to forget the woman I couldn’t have. Because I needed to drown the ache before it drowned me. Because running toward the wrong person felt easier than admitting I wanted the right one. And as the bedroom door closed behind us… I told myself this was enough.
Even though a quiet voice deep inside knew it wasn’t.
Not even close.
"Come to me, let me help you relax..." She turned towards me as I enter the room with her, she place her hand around neck, as she press her body so close to him. "I will make you feel good..."