Chapter 180

**DIETER POV**

I’m sick and tired of pretending to be someone I am not, being kind has gotten me nowhere, I’ve never been someone to show mercy to traitors, not until I met Lucinda. But she wanted me to change, so I did, and not for the better.

I used to love her, I would have worshipped the ground she walked on if it meant she’d finally accept me, but even now, she still looks upon me as though I am a monster.

So a monster I will be, because her acceptance doesn’t matter to me any longer, she has belonged to me for years, and since the dragon kingdom was destroyed, she has nowhere else to go. Her home was levelled to the ground, and all but a few were left for dead in the rubble x

She begged me to save her mother and younger brother, and I did try, but I couldn’t do the impossible. I couldn’t save the dead, and when my army and I arrived, it was already too late.

It’s a shame, the only family she has left is Emaniel, and he only visits her once a year.

Lucinda has our children and Yen’s children around her, but she refuses to give me anymore heirs. She’s afraid it’ll kill her, especially since the birth with our youngest son was hard.

It is her job to give me children, and whilst she has given me three already, I wanted more, many more. She isn’t the wife I thought she would be, and over the years, her fire had died.

We argue, we shout and we belittle each other, but she doesn’t leave, because she cannot. She is bound to me because of our children, and now our daughter is missing, all because she told her to follow her heart. Stupid. That’s what my wife is, she’s stupid.

Cay was supposed to lead this kingdom once I am dead, but she made it clear that she doesn’t want it, she doesn’t want to be Queen. But is that my daughter talking or is it her mother whispering ideas in her ears?

I’ll probably never know the answer to that, but I have a feeling it is Lucinda’s fault.

Over the years she has become more and more bitter and resentful, she married me because she grew pregnant, and whilst we do have some good memories, she never forgave me for those first few months she spent by my side.

Sure, I raped her, but she enjoyed it, and that night gave us our daughter, she shouldn’t complain about it. But as always, she remains dramatic.

Lucinda burst through the door and into the study, my mood instantly souring, “what?” I ask, not sure I even care what she wants.

“I know where Cay is.” She says, walking further into the room, “she is the prisoner of the general we are fighting against.”

I scoff, and shake my head, “You mean that I am fighting against, when’s the last time you picked up a sword?”

“Would you just listen to me for once.” She growls, crossing her arms, “our daughter is a prisoner of war and we have to save her.”

I stare at my wife, feeling nothing of the love I once felt for her, “You really think we can get her back?” I ask, they outnumber us greatly.

She shrugs, “I don’t care if we lose, so long as Cay goes free.”

I nod, “very well.” I say, “ready the army, we leave at first light.”

Lucinda’s shoulders sag with relief, “thank you, Dieter.”

“Don’t thank me.” I snap, rising from my chair, “I am not doing it for you.”

She rolls her eyes, “I know you aren’t doing it for me, as not as stupid as I was back then.”

I’m temped to throw her over my knee and spanking her ass just as I used to, but we made an agreement, and I will not touch her again, not until she asks me to. If she ever does.

“Go get the men ready.” I repeat, sitting back down in my chair, “I’ll meet you in the hall.”

Lucinda stares as though she might say something else, but she leaves without another word, and for a moment, just a moment, I’m disappointed.

I wish she’d tell me how she feels, I need to know what goes on in that mind of hers.

But she won’t tell me, I lost that privilege long ago.

**CAY POV **

I lay there after the general had finished with my body, trying to piece together what little is left of me, but it doesn’t work. I feel dirty and used, and I feel an emptiness growing inside of me where there was once hope and joy.

There is blood pooling between my legs, and I can do nothing to wipe it away, I have no soap, no water, nothing to wash away the sin.

But it isn’t my sin, it is the generals, he is the one who defiled my body against my wishes. He is the one who destroys the lives of many people, all of them innocent to the crimes he claims they are guilty of.

He is a murderer and a monster, and he doesn’t even care, it is as though he is proud of his brutality.

But I know that somewhere deep inside of him there is good, there has to be.

I just hope that my body doesn’t betray me and create a child of this misery. I wouldn’t be able to stomach the thought of having this man’s child. It would destroy what is left of me.

“Don’t look so gloomy.” The generals says coldly, “I could have done a whole lot worse to you.”

“I appreciate the fact that you were gentle.” I mutter, not moving from where I was laid. “Is there anywhere I can wash?”

“Not on your own there ain’t.” He snaps, but then quickly changes his tone, “wrap yourself in the fur and I’ll carry you to the lake. You can wash there.”

I nod my head, slowly stumbling to my feet and wrapping the thick fur around my body, the lie would be freezing at this hour, but I don’t care. I just need to wash his stench from my body, and I need to do it quickly, before I break down.

The general walks over to me and unties the rope that binds me to the tent, and lifts me into his arms, cradling me as a father would his child, or a man would his wife.

My father used to carry me this exact way when I was a child, but I am no longer innocent, the general has taken that from me.

I try to hide my tears, but as they begin to slide down my cheeks, I know that the general can see them.

“I told you not to be so gloomy.” He says, holding me a little tighter.

“I’m sorry general.” I say, but I don’t mean the words, they’re just to make him less angry.

He walks through the crowd of tents, holding me close and hiding parts of my body that I wouldn’t wish others to see.

He leans down, his mouth close to my ear, “Call me Mihen, I think you deserve that much.”

I turn to look at him, wanting nothing more than to spit in his face and call him all the horrible names that are running through my head.

But I don’t.

I say silent, and I wonder, will I always be so broken from now on?