Chapter 34 The Search
Lana's POV
The abandoned cottage sat at the edge of a ravine, overlooking a valley shrouded in perpetual mist. Nyx had brought me here three days ago, and for three days, we'd been searching.
"There," Nyx said, pointing to a series of rock formations half-hidden by fog. "That's where I sense her. Or where I sensed her."
I squinted, trying to see what Nyx was seeing. My eyes weren't trained the way hers were. To me, it was just mist and stone.
"You're certain?" I asked.
"No," Nyx admitted. She was sitting cross-legged on the cottage's rotting porch, looking more frustrated than I'd ever seen her. "That's the problem."
We'd spent the last seventy-two hours in this strange limbo. Nyx would sense something-a flicker of power, a disturbance in the magical currents that she insisted flowed through the world, and we'd chase it. Each time, it led nowhere. Either the trail went cold, or it led to a dead end, or it simply vanished as if it had never existed.
"She's hiding from us," I said. It wasn't a question.
"Yes," Nyx said. She didn't bother denying it anymore. We'd moved past that stage of the search yesterday. "But I'm not sure she knows why she's hiding."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that your mother is powerful, Lana. And she's spent years evading the Council's hunters. That kind of life teaches you caution. It teaches you to hide instinctively, even when there's no immediate threat."
I sat down next to her on the porch. The wood creaked under my weight, but it held. "So she might not even know we're looking for her?"
"She knows now," Nyx said quietly. "She's too skilled not to notice the disruption I'm causing by searching. Even if I'm being subtle, even if I'm trying not to disrupt the magical currents too much, she'll have felt me looking."
"Then why hasn't she come forward? Why hasn't she shown herself?"
Nyx didn't answer immediately. She was staring out at the mist, her violet eyes distant and thoughtful. "Because revealing herself is a risk," she said finally. "Your mother has spent a long time running. She's learned to trust no one. And now someone, me, is searching for her with considerable power. From her perspective, it could be trap "
"But you're not, and I'm here" I said.
"No," Nyx agreed. "But she doesn't know that. And even if she believed me, revealing herself means giving up her hiding place."
I stood up, frustrated. "So what do we do? Just wait? Keep searching while she keeps running?"
"We wait," Nyx said. "And we see if she's willing to make contact."
That had been this morning. Now it was evening, and we were still in this cottage, waiting. I'd spent the day pacing, trying to sense something, anything, that might tell me where my mother was. But my power didn't work that way. I could feel echoes of her, traces of her presence in the world, but nothing concrete. Nothing that would let me reach her.
"Tell me about her," I said, sitting back down. "You knew her. Before she went into hiding."
Nyx smiled, a sad, distant expression. "Elara was formidable," she said. "She had a presence that made people listen when she spoke. She was your father's mate, and she was as dedicated to protecting the Eclipse Wolf bloodline as he was. When he died, she didn't grieve the way most would have. She grieved by protecting you. By making sure you survived."
"But she abandoned me."
"She left you with people who she thought could protect you," Nyx corrected. "That's not the same thing."
I didn't respond. I understood the distinction logically, but emotionally, it felt like the same thing.
We sat in silence as darkness fell. The mist outside grew thicker, more opaque. At some point, Nyx closed her eyes and went very still. I recognized the posture. She was reaching out with her power, searching the magical currents for any sign of Elara.
Minutes passed. Then an hour. Nyx remained motionless, her breathing shallow and controlled. I waited, not wanting to disturb her concentration.
When she finally opened her eyes, they were troubled.
"What is it?" I asked.
"She's here," Nyx said. "Somewhere within a few miles of this cottage. I can feel her now. She's stopped hiding."
Hope flared in my chest. "Then we can find her. We can…."
"No," Nyx said. She held up a hand. "She's not moving toward us. She's... sending something. A message."
Nyx closed her eyes again, and I watched as she seemed to listen to something I couldn't hear. The air around us shimmered slightly, invisible magic passing between two powerful beings who understood languages I couldn't comprehend.
When Nyx opened her eyes again, the troubled expression had deepened into something almost like sadness.
"What did she say?" I asked, though I already knew the answer was going to hurt.
"She says she's not ready," Nyx said gently. "She says that revealing herself now would endanger both of you. She says the Council is still hunting for her, and if you two are together, you become a larger target."
"That's an excuse," I said harshly. "That's just another way of saying she doesn't want to see me."
"It's not an excuse," Nyx said. "It's the truth. Your mother is terrified, Lana. Not of you, of what being near you might cost you. The Council has been hunting her for too many years. She's spent too much time being hunted. That changes a person. It makes them cautious in ways that seem paranoid to those who haven't lived it."
"So what? We just leave? We go back to the castle without even meeting her?"
"She says she'll reveal herself when it's time," Nyx said. "When the immediate threat has passed, when there's less danger of leading the Council to you. That's what she's asking."
I stood up abruptly, anger and disappointment churning in my gut. "This is ridiculous. I came all this way, I've been searching for days, and she won't even…" I stopped, unable to finish the sentence. Unable to articulate the hurt.
"She loves you," Nyx said. "I can feel that in her message. She loves you enough to stay away."
"That's not love," I said bitterly. "That's cowardice."
"Is it?" Nyx asked. "Is it cowardice to refuse something you want because it might hurt the person you love? I don't think so. I think that's sacrifice."
I didn't have an answer for that. I went inside the cottage and sat by the dying fire, feeling the weight of rejection settle over me like a physical thing.
Nyx remained on the porch for a while, but eventually, she came inside. She didn't try to comfort me or convince me that everything would be all right. She just sat across from me and waited.
"We should go back," I said finally. The words tasted like ash in my mouth, but they were true. Kian needed me. The castle needed me. There was a war coming, and I'd been running after a ghost while the real battle loomed.
"Yes," Nyx said. "We should."
"Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow," Nyx agreed.
I stared into the fire, thinking about a woman I had little or no memories of, a mother I'd imagined a thousand different ways. In my imagination, she'd been waiting for me. In my imagination, she'd been desperate to finally see her daughter.
But reality was messier than imagination. Reality was a woman too broken by the world to riskcoming out of hiding, even for her own child.
I understood that intellectually. But it would take time before I could forgive it.