Chapter 31 Shadows of My Past
Lana's POV
I read the letter three times before I could fully comprehend what it was saying. This time I read more slowly, absorbing every word.
The letter went on to explain that my mother, a woman named Elara, had been an Eclipse Wolf. Not as powerful as me, but powerful enough that the Council had been aware of her. I continued reading,
"I met your father, and we'd fallen in love. We'd hidden my nature from the pack, but I knew things would change when I discovered I was pregnant. As you grew in my womb, I'd felt your power awakening, had understood that you would be even stronger than I was. This scared your father and I more than anything else in the world. We were scared to lose you"
"When the battle came," the letter continued, "when they asked for warriors to defend against the enemy's assault, your father didn't hesitate. He was always a brave man, perhaps too brave. He died that day, along with so many others. But as he died, he asked me to protect you. He asked me to do whatever it took to keep you safe."
Kian watched from the other side of the room as I continued reading. I could feel his presence through our bond, his willingness to let me process this alone while remaining nearby if I needed him.
"I made a choice that day," my mother had written. "I made a choice that I have spent every day since regretting. I faked my death during the chaos of that battle. I made arrangements with someone I could trust, someone I knew would protect you even if you didn't understand why I was doing it. And I disappeared. I went into hiding, deeper and deeper, until I was no more than a ghost. I did this so that the Council would think I was dead, so that when they came looking for the Eclipse Wolf, they would find no one but a small child who might be normal, might be nothing special."
I looked up from the letter with misty eyes. "How did she know about you?" I asked Kian who I was certain wouldn't have an answer. "How did she know that they eventually find me anyway?"
"Keep reading," Kian said gently.
I returned to the letter.
"But I made an error," my mother had written. "A terrible error. I thought that if I disappeared, the Council would lose interest. I thought that you could grow up in peace, hidden in a pack that would never suspect what you were. I was wrong. The Council never stopped looking for me. And when they realized that you carried my power, they shifted their focus. And I have been helpless to stop it. I have watched from the shadows as you grew, as you suffered in that pack. And I have been unable to do anything to help you. Because revealing myself would only make things worse."
The words cut through me like a knife. She'd been watching. All those years when I was beaten and broken and treated like nothing, my mother had been out there somewhere, watching and doing nothing.
I felt tears starting to form. "She was watching me," I said to Kian. "This whole time, she was there, and she didn't help."
"Read the rest," Kian said.
The letter's final paragraphs were where things became truly significant.
"I have spent the last year trying to move closer to you," my mother had written. "Trying to get to a place where I could finally reach out, finally tell you the truth. I have left this letter with someone I trust, with instructions that it should be delivered to you when the Council's assault begins. Because they're coming, my daughter. They'll keep coming for you with everything they have."
There was more. My mother was explaining where she was; hidden in a territory far enough from the castle to be safe, but close enough that she could potentially reach us within days if needed.
She was explaining how she'd maintained contact with Nyx over the years, how Nyx had been one of the few people who knew she was alive. She was explaining that her power, while weaker than mine, was still formidable. That if I needed her, if the battle went badly, she could potentially help.
But the final lines of the letter were the ones that made my breath catch.
"I know that you will be angry at me," my mother had written. "I know that you will feel abandoned, betrayed. And you will be right to feel those things. I abandoned you to protect you, and in doing so, I failed you. But I want you to know this: you are stronger than I ever was. You are braver than I ever could be. And if you survive this, I hope that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me. Your loving mother, Elara."
I sat in absolute quietness for a long time after I finished reading. Kian didn't speak. He just waited, letting me process.
"She watched me suffer," I said finally, my voice hollow. "She let me be beaten and abused and treated like nothing, and she did nothing. She justified it as protecting me, but it was cowardice. Pure cowardice."
"Lana…"
"Don't," I said, holding up a hand. "Don't try to justify it. Don't tell me she did what she had to do. She abandoned me. And she watched me be destroyed in that pack, and she did nothing."
My power was beginning to surge, my emotions were chaotic, and I could feel the Eclipse energy coiling through my body like a serpent about to strike.
"I need air," I said, standing abruptly.
I left the chambers before Kian could stop me, walking across the corridors with purpose. I needed to get away from the castle walls, away from people, away from everything.
I shifted into my Eclipse form and ran.
I ran through the forest that surrounded the castle, my silver-black wolf form moving like lightning through the trees. I ran until my lungs burned and my muscles screamed, but it wasn't enough. The anger, the betrayal, the confusion; none of it went away.
When I finally stopped, deep in the forest where no one could hear me, I shifted back to human form and unleashed everything I was feeling.
My power exploded outward in waves of destructive force. Trees splintered and fell. Stone cracked and shattered. The earth itself seemed to tremble beneath my feet. I screamed and screamed, pouring out the betrayal, the abandonment, the confusion of learning that my entire understanding of my past was wrong.
When I finally collapsed, exhausted and grief-stricken, Kian was there. He must have followed me in his own wolf form, tracking my path through the forest. He didn't try to touch me, didn't try to comfort me. He just sat beside me and waited.
"She let them hurt me," I said hoarsely. "All those years. She let them use me, beat me, treat me like I was nothing. And she did nothing."
"She was trying to protect you," Kian said quietly.
"By letting me be destroyed?" I demanded. "That's not protection. That's abandonment."
Kian didn't argue. He just sat with me as the sun set and the darkness fell, offering his presence as the only comfort he could give.