Chapter 95: Will you marry me?
My heart pounded painfully as I sprinted to the doors out to the terrace, unbarring them from their bolts and closing them tightly behind me with a heavy click. I barred them into a conditioned routine I had executed a thousand times I moved into the villa, each twist of the bolt a small bulwark against fear that was constantly creeping in. But the vulnerability I felt this cool night was somehow different—dizzyingly wonderful and really rightful both at the same bloody time. The dopamine rush hit me so hard that I felt light headed at that moment.
I tossed a look over towards the arbor, hoping to catch someone emerging from the shadows somehow. But the roses rocked in an invisible wind, their petals tenderly kissing each other like shared secrets. Their scent was the rich smell of wet earth and jasmine, stinging with something metal—my fear, perhaps, or the ring itself in my pocket.
I traced the lantern’s bright glow, along the trellis where Caspian had knelt, the stone where I would have stood, the moment felt suspended in time—his unspoken question suspended in the air, weighing more than the night. Will you marry me? The words had sliced through darkness like a cut line of light. It shattered through be because I was caught off guard, this wasn’t something I was expecting at this ungodly hour.
My pulse slowed as I knelt to examine the shutter down on the lower floor. It swung in a hinged arc, one hinge broke, metal scaly with rust due to it being aged. Perhaps the wind or a stray cat had knocked it over. I closed it hard and locked it, then leaned forehead against the cool wood, my eyes shut as I tried to find peace and calmness. He asked me because he loved me and not because he is afraid of losing, I repeated to myself, trying really hard to convince myself this was the truth but I knew deep down in me that it was a lie. My doubt still smoldered like a candle in an eddy, however.
Still standing in the courtyard as I was lost in my thoughts, I did not feel Caspian come near, but standing, heard the gentle thrum of his coat at my back. He stood with me, his face a blessed release from worry. Against his palm, the pistol I'd told him to conceal inside his jacket—a final line of defense against perils no longer flesh and blood, but nonetheless mortal to our souls.
He put the gun aside and stowed it away. His scorching eyes held mine, unspoken question vibrating between us. I moved into his arms, closing the final inches.
"I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair. "I'm sorry I scared you—and that my fears overwhelmed me."
I shut my eyes, inhaling the hard warmth of him. "I was afraid," I whispered. "I was scared."
He lifted my chin, his own face aglow with unspoken emotion. "I almost lost my nerve," he admitted. "The ring, the garden. I was trying to make it perfect. Trying to prove to you that I really love you. But then—" His voice cracked painfully. "Then I gave in to fear and almost lost the moment. I am really sorry Lily"
I wrapped my hand around the box of velvet in my pocket, stunned by how heavy it was. "The moment isn't lost," I whispered. "It's here, tonight, in us." I said this because I did not know what else to tell him and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings because it looked like he went through a lot of trouble to get to this moment.
He sighed, relief and love spreading on his face. He took the box from me and opened it out under the starry sky. The diamond shone back at us, so brilliant it wanted to out-twinkle the stars.
Caspian gently knelt down again, more stable this time, his face set in a regal look. The light of the lantern crowned him in gold and shadow. I breathed deep, attempting to calm myself as he looked up, his fierce gaze unwilling to let me go.
"Lily," he began, his voice steady, the fear replaced but the passion remaining, "since I met you, you have been my greatest joy and my biggest challenge. You have taught me what love is—all crazy and wild and brave and vulnerable. You're my safe place and my muse." He took a deep breath. "I want to spend the next sixty years earning it. I want to spend the rest of my life. My life would be meaningless without you in it. You are the light in my life. Will you marry me?"
His voice shocked In the darkness of night, dense with hope and truth. The roses leaned, petals in mid-air. My heart pounded so loud I was afraid he would hear it.
I looked at the ring—now ours—and then at the storm-gray eyes of Caspian. The instant hung there, a thread of possibility holding us together.
I opened my lips to say something, but words would not coalesce. My mouth trembled and I searched around for the truth in his eyes. He just stood, still, and waited, patient, as diamonds of tears sparkled in the corners, small stars reflecting on his face. He looked handsome but I could see the fear of rejection written all over his face. I was in a dilemma.
And under the moon-pale light, there, like an electric eel writhing on its hook of uncertainty, hung the question:
"Will you marry me?"
The universe waited with us at that moment, as if it was waiting for the answer to the question, all rose petals and stars were like silent onlookers eavesdropping on our moment. The night hung in the balance of our reply, and in that momentary chasm, I could hear the pulse of our tomorrow knocking in rhythm with the silence—ours to forge, together, under the limitless sky.