Chapter 94: The question in the moonlight
The villa was still when Caspian nudged my shoulder with care. I yawned and lazily opened as I blinked against the near pitch darkness, waking before the hour had even hit my brain: far beyond midnight. The moon was low, a thin crescent of silver, casting light on the marble floors as I swung my legs over the bed and reached for a robe of silk. Bare-foot, I walked down the corridor, listening to the muted echo of Caspian's steps ahead of me while wondering why in the world would make him wake me up this late.
Our footfalls resounded in the empty wing, the echo resonating in an harmonious rhythm that was pleasing to the ears, combined with the distant gabble of a fountain in the courtyard far below. The air was cool and carried the scent of jasmine from the climbing vines outside of the terrace doors and it felt refreshing as the air flowed through my lungs. My own pulse pounded more quickly as I flung the terrace doors open and stepped out into the night.
Caspian stood beneath the rose arbor, mottled light filtering down through lanterns strung above trickling in pools of gold down the flagstones. The moonflowers' white blooms, shivering in the evening breeze, were otherworldly—tenuous memories of the gentle enchantment of nature. He was a silhouette against the black sky, each edge of his lanky, tall figure etched out in moonlight. He looked really handsome and I couldn’t help but blush.
When he turned to me, his storm-gray eyes were locked onto me with worry—and something warmer, nearly vulnerable, it felt really raw, almost like he was laying himself bare before me to judge or something. He had his hand crossed behind his back, and I inhaled deeply as I was thinking about what this whole thing was.
"Lily," he whispered, his voice gentle . Even the light of the lantern couldn't mask the creases of worry etched around his eyes. "Will you please come here for a second?
My heart was racing terribly. I moved closer, sweeping aside fallen petals like tiny blessings. He reached out, his fingers trembling a little as he brought the box from behind him. My racing heart, he dropped to one knee, the lantern light playing across high cheekbones and dark coat around his shoulders.
Roses encircled the trellis above, moonlit pale, their scent a head-reeling draught. It was so still I could hear the gentle creak of the lid of the box coming off, the hinge speaking softly.
Inside, a platinum ring shone slender and blinding, the single diamond flashing moonlight like a captive star. My heart constricted as Caspian held it out to me, his voice shaking.
"This ring—" he began, his throat clearing on the rasp of a breath. "I've not had much else on my mind since… since understanding what we might have lost. You've pulled away, and I did not know if it was me that made you do it. I wanted to prove to you—to myself—that my loyalty is stronger than my fears."
His fiery eyes locked with mine, and a whirlwind of feelings swept over me: thankfulness that he loved me enough to tell me, wonder at the pathos of the moment, and a swift, tentative fear. His hand shook as he laid it over mine. "I want to ask you to marry me, Lily. To spend the rest of my life earning your trust, your love. I do not want to live without you and I cannot imagine a world in which you are not in my life. It sounds like an eternal torment and I do not think I would be able to live thru that Lily."
I found it hard to breathe. The world turned over around me and I was greatly confused by this gesture. The entire world stopped being for an instant but for the ring, the roses sparkling in the lunar light, and the man on his knees before me. His vulnerability was as fair as the minute lit by lanterns, but a chill blossom of doubt was sown in my breast. Is he proposing to me because he is in love, or because he fears being rejected and abandoned by me?
His voice trembled, and I knew it: there was anxiety in his voice twisted with fear. I longed to tell him something, to promise him that it was love alone which had caused him to fall on his knees him, that he did not have to give me a ring to tell me how much he loved me. But before I could say anything, there was a crash upstairs—the wide shutter above the ground-floor terrace door having been flung open by the wind.
Caspian's head snapped towards the noise, his entire body coiling like a spring. "Stay here," he whispered fiercely, shoving the ring into the box and slamming the cover down like a treasured secret. He rose to his feet, voice falling to a command I could not help but listen to him. "Lock the doors."
I swallowed hard, fear and tension radiating off of me. "Be careful," I was able to get out.
He stiffly nodded, tightly, and hurried across the flagstones, his stride consuming the distance between us. The lantern light flashed, died, his broad back as he disappeared into garden darkness, to leave me vulnerable to the all-seeing eye of the moon alone. I was left alone with my thoughts. Why is he doing this after we agreed to wait for the right moment? Is he trying to hold me down because he was afraid of losing me? At first, I felt confused, but now anger started creeping in to my mind. We have had this discussion before and he still went ahead to do what he felt like. It did not sit right with me because it was almost like he did not give a regard for my opinion. This proposal felt like a trap, it felt like it was born out of fear and I do not think I was ready for that.