It was an evening to impress. Crystal chandeliers spilled gold light over the ballroom, the distant hum of a string orchestra on the air. Women in dresses costing more than my entire outfit floated by, each step practiced to perfection for the most graceful pose. Caspian and I were running behind, as we were going to, his presence demanding every eye the moment we stepped out.
I'd rehearsed the whole week for tonight, practicing the smile, the elegant poise of a woman who could walk at Caspian Grey's side. Tonight was different, though. Caspian himself seemed to be in a peculiar subdued mood as we entered the ballroom, his hand resting lightly on the curve of my back. His shoulders were tense, and his normally guarded eyes were heavy with turmoil fermenting behind them.
"You're frightfully quiet," I remarked to him, looking up at him as we fought through the crowd.
His eyes snapped up to mine, pale and empty as always. "Just business," he growled out with a brusqueness that was itself a warning, his hand gripping more infinitesimally tight on my back, a wordless instruction to leave it be.
I should have left it alone. Caspian was one man who never spoke, and to push him never brought anything but anger. But the searing agony within my chest refused to allow me to leave it alone. But I had not yet managed to push him again when a voice cut through the noise of the room.
"Ah, well, well. If it isn't Caspian Grey and his new plaything."
I bristled. The voice was smooth, too close, and sneering, crawling down my spine. I turned slowly to him—Nathaniel Carter, again.His designer suit and sneering grin didn't change, but his eyes had a more piercing glint than I was used to. He didn't make a social visit.
Caspian's hand on my waist came closer, his body tensing next to me. "Carter," he said in a low, even voice.
Nathaniel's eyes cut past Caspian and landed on me with the hunter's ease that turned my stomach. "Lily," he purred, his voice honey-smooth, his smile spreading. "What a pleasant surprise. I never thought I'd see you here."
I was able to hold his eyes, forcing the memories creeping at the fringes of my mind. "Nathaniel."
His name tasted bitter on my lips, and I could sense Caspian's eyes burning into me. He had no clue. Of course he didn't. How could he possibly have known Nathaniel Carter was not only a rival, but my ex?
Nathaniel's eyes lingered on me for a second longer before resuming focus, landing on Caspian. "I shall say well of you, Grey, you have done better here than I would have thought. But I must take into consideration—I do not know if she does indeed perceive you, or if she's merely another token on your board.".
My breath halted, and I looked at Caspian, his face as chilly as winter's air would be. "What are you saying?" I exclaimed, my voice higher than I was.
Nathaniel's smile widened. "Oh, he hasn't said anything? That's golden." He leaned forward, his tone falling to a whisper. "You should ask him how he rose to the top. About the backroom politics and the bodies he walked on to get there. It's a good yarn."
"That's enough," Caspian snarled, his tone cold. But Nathaniel wasn't finished.
Here's a little heads-up, he continued, not even glancing Caspian's way. "Be aware, Lily. Caspian Grey does not tolerate fools, and emotions? Ha. Well, those are something that only happen in his world."
My heart was twisting itself up at his words, but I was not going to indulge him. "Thanks for the tip," I replied icily. "But I do not need it."
Nathaniel's eyes glinted with mockery, and he rose to his feet, lifting his champagne flute in a mocking salute. "Suit yourself. But don't say you weren't warned."
And he turned and disappeared into the crowd, and I remained where I was, my heart pounding against my chest.
Caspian's hand fell away from where it had rested on my waist, and I felt a loss for the contact like a drop in temperature. "Don't pay him any mind," he grumbled now, his eyes still flared up. "He's just attempting to cause problems.".
But the seed was planted. "Is it true?" I spun on him, my entire body faced his. "Did you—did you do something wrong to find yourself where you are?"
Caspian's jaw ground tight, and for a moment I thought he'd respond. But then his expression closed off, shutters clicking into place. "This isn't the time or the location for this conversation."
I jeered, folding my arms over my chest. "Convenient."
"Lily—" He reached for me, attempted to grab my arm, but I moved back, my head wagging.
"No. You can't just keep doing this, Caspian. You can't keep shutting me out and expecting me to fall in with it."
His eyes flashed with rage, frustration burning in their depths. "I'm trying to protect you."
"From what?" I pressed. "From the truth? Or from you?"
He didn't say anything, and the air between us was tight and heavy. Finally, I shook my head, backing away from him. "I can't do this," I panted. "Not like this."
I walked away from him before he could say anything, my eyes pounding in my chest. The burden of his gaze stayed behind me as I battled through the crowd, but I did not turn to see.
I wandered the suite, my mind in overdrive as doubts and questions whirled through it. Nathaniel's words were a steady loop within my head, and each one wore away at the fragile trust I'd worked with Caspian. I longed to trust him, to feel that what he was hiding was positive. But fear of doubt was too daunting to shake.
The door groaned open, and I stood there as Caspian stepped inside, his face set as he shut the door behind him. "You left," he said, his voice even and smooth.
"I needed space," I said, bracing my arms in front of me defensively.
He moved closer to me, his blue eyes locked on mine. "You didn't need space. You needed answers."
I swallowed, frozen. "And you would not give them to me."
His jaw snapped shut hard, and we stood, the air thick as a hot wire. "I did what I had to do to be where I am," he spat at last, his voice silky. "You do not need to know any more than that."
"Not good enough," I cut in, my voice icy. "You can't leave me on the sidelines anymore, Caspian, if you're going to have me stick around."
His eyes went black and went out, and for an instant I thought I'd caught a glimpse of something naked and vulnerable beneath the veil of his eyes. And then he closed up, shields firmly built again. "I have no expectations," he breathed.
The words were a gut punch, and tears of pain brimmed up behind my eyes. "Fine," I stuttered. "If that's what you want to do, then maybe this. whatever this is.was a mistake."
His eyes flashed with something—anger, frustration, pain—but he was not saying a word, his silence more painful than words. I said nothing, but moved into the bedroom and shut the door behind me, its shock through the suite.
Restless and turning in bed all night, awake and staring, I could not help but let the tears flow. I resented that Nathaniel's words had caught up with me, that they had uncovered doubts I did not wish to entertain. But most of all, I resented that Caspian would not let me. I wished to believe he was something more than the cunning businessman the world perceived him to be, that the glimpses of vulnerability I had witnessed were genuine. But how was I to, when he wouldn't give me the truth?
I shoved tears aside, panting. If Caspian Grey was so intent on keeping his walls up, then so be it. But I couldn't keep slamming against them.
And in spite of everything I had wished to escape from, something within me could not release the man who this evening had looked at me with almost desperation. A man whose flaws were numerous, but was fast becoming too vital to me to want to refuse.
And that was the most difficult thing. Because though I was doing my best to avoid it, I was developing feelings for him. And I didn't know if I was capable of falling without getting harmed.