"You know you are going to have to get up and go to work, right?" Sarah said as she picked up her bag and headed out to the door. "For Julie's sake, don't be a bitch or you have drugged your heart to sleep with your sedatives, then you must go. As much as I feel you, I can't allow you to make little Julie suffer because you can't face a man you are having a crush on. After all, you are not sure he digs you," Sarah glared at Alita and then hung her head and walked up, banging the door closed behind her.
The sound of the door startled Alita. She reluctantly got off the bed and dragged her feet to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror and her face contorted. Her eyes drooped and were red like she spent the night swimming in alcohol, her cheek was puff, you could say swollen. She picked up her brush and put more toothpaste than she normally would. As she brushed her teeth, she pictured meeting Benson and then sneered. There was no way in hell it wouldn't be the most awkward moment she ever had. What would she say to him? What would he say to her?
Sarah's words rung over and over in her head while she prepared to go. "For Julie," she muttered after parking her hair with a ribbon. She decided to walk instead of taking a cab. She wasn't in a haste. She didn't want to go even.
Her feet stiffened when she was a few feet away from the door. She heaved and gasped for air as she suddenly felt breathless. She took a few slow steps towards the door said the usual command to open it, it opened and she came face to face with Benson and froze for a split second. She cleared her throat and raised her head and slightly lifted her shoulders. "Good morning Mr. Astor," she fiddled with her fingers in front of her. "I heard you got my text pretty late and was at my house looking for me," she blinked. "I wasn't feeling well so I texted you late in the night and before you ask why I didn't call, it was pretty late in the night and texting seemed the best option at the time."
"It's okay…hope you are feeling better now," Benson pocketed his hand as he peered into her eyes. She looked away and so did he. "I had to come back and stay with Julie since you were not here, but that is okay too. I haven't had that kind of time with her in a long time and it was more good for me than it was for her. I had forgotten what her laugh sounded like…and she called me daddy, somewhat. She is growing fast and it is overwhelming."
"Right, you guys bonded while I wasn't here," she pressed her lips together. "I should go and check on her to make sure she is in one piece," she gesticulated and then walked past him, face glued to the ground. She went around the couches instead of following straight and through them just so she wouldn't be close to him. She held her breath until she had bolted the door behind her in Julie's room. She rested her back on the door as she balanced her breath. She heard Julie cackle and raised her face towards her. The sight of the bed sent a chill running down her spine and she felt her clit throb. She shook her head in confusion. The atmosphere in the room felt different. She clamped her thighs together as pictures of that night of their meeting flashed through her eyes. Her body created sensations that coursed through her body. She shook her head furiously as she shut her eyes in a poor attempt to shake the thoughts of her mind and to rid her body of the déjà vu chills that overwhelmed her.
She walked to Julie's bed and knelt by her. She felt warmth on her chest as she beheld the simple happiness and graceful smiles were a wonder to behold. "I am sorry I put myself over you," she said feeling a heaviness on her face.
She caressed Julie's soft cheeks and smiled as she did. It was freeing to be with her. She wished she was little Julie whose only problems were food a good bath and sleep. No emotional tragedies. She wanted to bask in the fundamental simplicity of life like Julie even if that was impossible.
She sat on the ground and sprawled as her thoughts ran amok. She knew she would have to create boundaries that would never be crossed again. She needs to set rules she won't break to keep their relationship as innocent as possible. Sex simply couldn't happen between them. Not until she is ready for it, that is if she ever would be after ruining the first her first time with him because she couldn't control herself and simply say no when she needed to.
She pulled out her phone and tapped a browser open and typed 'How to resist a man' into the search bar and waited for it to load up results. She was so helpless that she was now looking for external knowledge to extinguish her vulnerability to Benson. She browsed through a few websites and found little to no tip that was helpful in her situation. She hissed and dropped her phone on her lap and kneaded her temple with her finger. She felt a searing pain strike her head and she squinted. The headache had been coming and going like that since that morning.
She glanced up to the ceiling and wiped her hand over her face and groaned. She stood up and reached for her purse that she had tossed to the ground just before making sure the door won't open from the outside except she opened it. All the doors in the house were computerized so all the had to do was press a button and the door was jammed until she pressed it again. `
She threw two pills of the painkillers she always carried for such emergencies into her mouth and swallowed it. A memory of her mother scolding her for throwing pills into her mouth with drinking them with water flashed through her mind and she smirked. She always did exactly the opposite of whatever her mum asked her to do. Making things forbidden just makes it the only thing she wanted to do. What are the odds that you won't open a door your dad says not to?
Soon the drug kicked in and she felt better. She stood up and went out of the room to the living room. After being sure that Benson was not in the house anymore, she sighed and looked around the room. She decided to clean the whole house and went right to it.
***
Benson was happy to see Alita back at the house. It lifted some weight off his chest but he was still heavy-hearted. She was still avoiding him and she hadn't unblocked his number. He had tried to call her earlier that morning but got the same message he was getting the previous day about not being able to call her number. The drive to work was worrisome.
She was still avoiding him too. She was barely looking at him. He was disturbed about it and was frustrated about the fact that he could not do anything about it. It was, in fact, safer not to do anything. Normally he would take a detour to a bar and drink himself to stupor and then call Luke and tell him to take care of everything as he won't be coming to work for that day, but he was currently staying away from alcohol and anything that would upset his normal state of mind and consciousness.
He drove into his garage and laid his head on the wheel for a considerable amount of time before coming and heading straight to his office. His countenance was warning enough for everyone that say him to leave him be. As he walked by, he heard murmurs from his workers but turned a blind ear to the whispers he heard.
After about a minute of entering his office, Luke came in, and as soon as he saw him, he took the same face Benson had on –the typical look of a heavy-hearted man who is in regrets about something he did.
"C'mon man, what is going on with you," Luke inquired pulling a seat for himself.
"You should probably leave me be right now. You might lose something important," Benson said, flickering his lashes after rubbing his palm over his face.
"No, I'm not leaving you like this," Luke blurted. "You look too bad, Benson, talk to me."
"I'm just tired from a whole day of being a nanny, that's all," Benson lied.
"No, man, you can't do that right now," Luke splayed his hand in front of him and then slapped his palms on the table. "You didn't look this bad the day you found Julie in front of your door, so that doesn't cut it. Spill your guts and be rid of this weight that is eating at you."
"I look that bad?" Benson asked, his eyes crinkled
Like nodded.
"I think I am in love," Benson muttered under his breath but Like heard and his eyes bulged.
"What the... you in love?" Like yelled. "Un-freaking-believable!" Luke exclaimed.
"With Alita…" Benson said looking downward as he drummed his fingers on the table.