There's always that news that hits you, that you are happy about for that person but then it makes you think about yourself. Somehow it brings out some flaws that haven't been there all your life or you hadn't noticed until you sit there being happy and then it hits you:
you are twenty-eight going to your thirties, although you look at least five years younger, you don't have a boyfriend, you've had only one your whole life and it was messy, you've had sex only once and it still was messy and your best friend is already engaged to get married soon and you are nowhere near ever having a relationship because of your infinitely large insecurity about yourself, that you have carried for years, and you still have dreams of getting married and having kids of your own one day even though you have no idea when it will happen given that you have never really thought about it until now.
Alita was morose the entire day thinking about how her life might turn out to be and maybe she was never going to have kids by sexual intercourse with a husband that she would so love and cherish as she has always fantasized about.
She couldn't hide it so it was evident to Benson that she was vexed about something but he couldn't ask her what was going on in her mind. Ever since he accidentally saw her naked, they haven't talked and things had been dead straight official and like a wall had been built in between them.
With both of them not being able to mentally get past what they saw, it had never been more awkward between Alita and Benson. They barely talked or looked at each other. Alita was still uncomfortable that he had seen her but even more because she saw him jerking off in the living room. She had been clueless about how to start a conversation and would honestly rather let things be and never talk about it, same as he.
As soon as Benson stepped out of the door, Alita raised her gaze to the bar and her eyes searched for her new favorite wine. She stood up and just before she took a step towards the bar, a voice in her head reminded her of her morning nanny duties to Julie that needed her sane and accurately conscious of her environment to be able to do it. She stomped her foot on the ground and made for Julie's room. "Coming back for you," She muttered under her breath as she dragged herself by.
She was in no mood for any physical engagement because she felt mentally and emotionally exhausted.
The smile on Julie's face was a little bit calming when Alita saw her raising all her limbs in her little bed.
"Hi Julie," Alita beamed. "I almost forgot about you just now. I was being a bad mother and even worse I am telling you now. Good thing we can't understand each other beyond the smiles, cries, and language else you would hate me right now." She rubbed Julie's soft cheeks and appreciated the smooth skin.
She bathed Julie and fed her before dressing her up completely.
Alita went straight to her sad thoughts after watching Julie yawn her way to sleep.
She had concluded that her problem was not being noticed by anybody. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that most of her jobs for the past three years or so had been babysitting, housekeeping, and the latest being a nanny. She had mostly been indoors and hardly stepped outside. She loved staying indoors. She loved the peace and quiet of being by herself indoors where she was either watching a movie or reading a book when she wasn't busy with a baby or children. But now this is the cause of her immediate problem of not being seen by men out there. She needed to go out more and she was bent on doing just that.
Alita walked up to the bar on her way from Julie's room to the living room. She took the whole bottle itself without glass and walked down to sit on a couch. She pour enough to fill her mouth and then gulped it down and leaned forward until bother her elbow was lying on her lap, close to her knees. She twirled the bottle in between her legs as she dove deeper in her thoughts, trading grounds that were better left the way they were.
She had only the evenings to make herself known to the world of men and maybe she would find among the ones that see her, an eligible one that she would love and give herself to. Oh, she was going to make them see her. She was going to climb over her fears and insecurities and dress very provocatively. The event with Benson and enormous cock had given her a little pride in herself. It was all the push she needed to get slutty and get down to the club, any club, or late night party to hunt for a man for herself.
After all the years she had spent thinking she was ugly and unattractive, she had asked herself the question that struck her when she poured a mouthful of the wine down her throat. The question hit her and her face lit up.
All this while that I have been thinking I am an ugly ass unfortunate bitch that shouldn't be in the world in the first place, what makes me ugly, like what is the problem with me. A lot of women have big noses, a lot of lips, big eyes, something that makes them imperfect in the eyes of both men and women so what do I have that makes me ugly? Let's go find out, shall we...
Alita dropped the bottle on the ground and leaped off the chair cautiously so as not to hit the bottle. She thought about going to Julie's room but thought it wise to go to one of the other rooms in the house because she was on a personal and private mission that needs concentration. She choose the room next to Julie's so that she could hear her when she woke up.
As soon as she bolted the door closed Alita walked to the mirror and slowly Undressed before it, checking herself out for the first time. She twisted her face until she was completely naked. She stood straight and stared at herself. Her eyes ran from her feet to her face and back. She turned around and wiggled a bit, observing as her ass bounced. She quickly turned around and covered her mouth as her mind brought to the light the fact that she was running to Julie's room when Benson saw her. She giggled and bounced again. She like how spotless her ass was. She cupped her boobs and kneaded them, then smirked at herself in the mirror.
Girls constantly checked themselves out and kept tabs on their bodies but not Alita. This was the first time she intentionally observed herself to notice that the little high school girl was long gone.
Her face lit up as an idea struck her.
"Let's see what kind of body is thought of as hot and sexy," She reached for her phone. She picked it up and searched for the kinds of bodies that were considered perfect all the while she did her research, her other hand traveled the canvas of her soft skin and smooth skin.
Alita found that she fell had a narrower face shape, she wasn't that fat, she had fuller lips, the distance between her eyes was fairly okay, her cheekbones were high, she had known this since high school; her narrow brows and long dark lashes were also a thing that men liked too. Her legs were well-toned and perfect. She particularly loved her ass and the curve before her lips down to the sides of her thighs.
Her research landed her on a porn website and she perused through some videos with women she thought had similar bodies with her. She also found that videos with averagely fleshy women with just the right amount of everything had the most views.
Alita was getting turned on as she watched the videos. Her other hand found her clit suddenly and she began flickering her hand over it. She closed her eyes and let her phone fall from her hand. Luckily for her, it fell to her clothes on the ground so it did not smash into pieces. She opened her legs wider and arched her back to aid her in slipping her finger into her pussy. She moaned as she savored the sensations that coursed through her body. She quickly slipped another finger still slower sliding in and out of herself. She slid her fingers out and as she had seen in some of the videos she had watched, she tasted herself, smiled, and then slipped her fingers back into herself. She added a finger and increased her pace at pleasuring herself. She tottered towards the wall at her left as she felt her knees go weaker. She placed her hand on the wall to help her stand. Her waist quaked as she approached her climax. She moaned louder and louder while thrusting. She felt a warmth cover her fingers while she stretched a moan as she came.
She brought a hand to her face and saw she had a lot of herself on her hand and smirked. She rubbed her hand over her nip and pushed her boob up to reach her lips. She wrapped her lips around her nip and a chill ran down her spine. She heard a sound in the house and fear gripped her immediately. She ran to the bathroom and washed and ran back to dress up and go out to see Benson had just come in.
She welcomed him unusually. He was taken aback. He wondered what had come over her.
Benson begins to make advances at Alita.
She ignores him trying to keep her sanity together.
Benson feels she doesn't feel the same way about her and breaks down, feeling less of a man and wondering why she didn't dig him.
The one girl in the world that wasn't head over heels to him. He was overwhelmed.