Chapter 89 Ryan's Struggle
RYAN'S POV
I sat in Dr. Harper's office and stared at the clock on the wall. The second hand moved in perfect rhythm but time felt strange to me now, too slow and too fast all at once. Everything felt different since I lost my wolf. The absence sat in my chest like an empty cave where something vital used to live.
Dr. Harper watched me from across her desk with that patient expression she always wore. She was professional and kind, nothing like what those stupid photos in the tabloids tried to suggest. No secret affair, no hidden romance. Just a therapist trying to help a former werewolf adjust to being human. The media had twisted everything as usual and turned our sessions into some scandalous storyline that did not exist.
"How are you sleeping?" she asked and her pen hovered over her notepad.
"I'm not," I admitted. I close my eyes and all I feel is the absence. My wolf is gone and it's like losing a limb or a sense or a part of my soul I did not know I needed until it vanished. Sometimes I wake up trying to shift and my body just lies there doing nothing."
Harper nodded slowly and I could see genuine sympathy in her eyes. "That's normal, Ryan. You're grieving a fundamental part of yourself. It's going to take time to adjust to this new reality."
"I'm also terrified," I continued and the confession spilled out before I could stop it. "Lisa's going to recover eventually and she will make her choice about Adrian or independence or whatever path she decides to take. And I'm just human now. Weak and ordinary and completely powerless. Why would she choose me when I cannot even protect her anymore? What do I have to offer her?"
Harper leaned forward and her expression grew more intense. "Ryan, you gave up your wolf for her. That's not weak at all. That's the strongest and most selfless thing you have ever done. Love is not about power or protection alone."
But I shook my head because she did not understand. "I did it because I thought it would prove I love her. I thought sacrifice would be enough to show her what she means to me but now I'm useless to everyone. I cannot shift or fight or even sense danger through pack bonds anymore. I'm a liability instead of an asset and everyone knows it."
The session ended after another thirty minutes of her trying to convince me I still had value. I appreciated her efforts but the words felt fake against the reality of my new limitations. I left through the back entrance because paparazzi had been following me ever since the "heroic Beta who gave up his wolf" story broke nationally.
Somehow human news picked it up and twisted it into this romantic tragedy that people could not stop talking about. I had become a celebrity overnight and I hated every second of the attention.
I got to my car in the parking garage and immediately knew something was wrong. Someone was waiting and leaning against the driver's side door with his arms crossed. The figure straightened when he saw me approaching.
Marcus Krane.
I froze even though my body no longer had the wolf reflexes it once did. My muscles tightened from pure habit and nothing more. "What do you want?"
Marcus looked uncomfortable and that alone surprised me. I had never seen him appear anything less than confident and controlled. "To apologize and to ask for help with something delicate."
I crossed my arms and tried to look more intimidating than I felt. "I'm human now. I cannot help with pack business or anything requiring actual strength."
Marcus shook his head quickly. "This is not pack business at all. It's personal. About Emma."
My blood went cold and my protective instinct flared despite my lack of wolf. Emma was family and anyone threatening her would face consequences. "What about her?"
Marcus looked around the parking garage and checked for eavesdroppers before speaking. His movements were cautious and almost nervous. "She's pregnant with my child. She will not return my calls or let me be involved in any way. I know I do not deserve anything after trying to claim Lisa and causing all that chaos, but this baby is mine. I want to do right by Emma and the child. I want to be there."
I stared at him in complete shock and my brain struggled to process the information. "You and Emma?"
"One night," Marcus said and his voice was quiet with something that sounded like regret mixed with hope. "During the rescue planning before we went after Lisa. We were both stressed and both convinced everyone we loved was about to die. It happened and I do not regret it at all, but she does. She regrets everything."
He actually looked vulnerable and I realized this was real. This was not some manipulation or scheme. "She thinks I'm just trying to trap Lisa through her baby. That I will use Emma to force proximity and manipulation. But I do not want Lisa anymore and I have not wanted her for weeks now. I want Emma and my child. Can you talk to her? She trusts you more than anyone and she might actually listen."
I studied his face and searched for any sign of deception. All I saw was desperation and something that looked like genuine feeling. This was my chance to help and to be useful despite being human and powerless. Maybe I could not fight anymore but I could still protect the people I loved in other ways.
"I will try," I said finally. "But Marcus, if you hurt Emma in any way, condition or not, I will find a way to make you pay. Human or not, I will make sure you regret it."
Marcus actually smiled and relief flooded his features. "Noted. Thank you, Ryan. I mean it."
He drove away and I pulled out my phone to call Emma. The screen showed dozens of missed calls from my parents and my stomach dropped. My father, the former Beta, had been demanding that I take some experimental treatment to restore my wolf. He kept saying the Blackstone line could not end with a human and that I was disgracing generations of warriors who came before me. The pressure was relentless and suffocating.
I had been avoiding the conversation because I knew it would turn into a fight. My father did not understand sacrifice or choice when it came to duty and legacy. But now my phone rang again and Mom's name flashed on the screen with an urgency that made my hands shake.
I answered quickly. "Mom, I know Dad is upset but I cannot—"
"Ryan, thank God." Her voice was shaking and tears choked her words into broken fragments. "It's your father. He's in the hospital. Heart attack. You need to come now. Please hurry."