23: Desperate Times

**Raegan**

My mate slept peacefully beside me, and despite myself I still couldn't get my brain to quiet and join him in his restful slumber.

The beastly side of me both revelled in his presence and called for me to find the asshole who marked me against my will. The two emotions were at war woth one another, and a sick thought flitted across my mind. I wouldn't be able to rest without both of them close to me.

At Grace's, Kai had been in the dungeon directly below me, but here we were seperated through the whole vertical space of the palace.

So, with a huff, I got from the bed. Detangling myself from Coal's arms was more of a struggle than I'd like to admit, and somewhere in the attempt to free myself from him comforting embrace he woke up.

"Are you okay?" He murmured, rubbing his eyes sleepily as he reached out with his free hand for me.

I swallowed, and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He removed his hand from his eyes and blinked at me a few times. Then he propped himself up on his elbows, "liar. What's up?"

"Can't sleep," I wrapped my arms around my torso and shrugged.

"Wanna get some tea?" He asked softly, sitting up fully as walefullness started to take him.

My lungs constrictrd at the care in his voice and on his features before I nodded.

He smiled softly and offered me his hand. I took it and he got off the bed, gently tugging me to my feet. If I hadn't been so stressed and taken by my own internal shame for feeling as I was about Kai, I would have admired his shirtless form in the moonlight. But I wasn't stress free, and I was ashamed by my feelings towards Kai.

As I started to walk forward, Coal grunted. "Nuh, uh." He said as he tugged my hand to make me stop.

"What?" I furrowed my brows at him.

He turned around wordlessly and crouched down, gesturing for me to get on his back.

I scoffed, "no."

"C'mon, Rae, humor me?" He looked over his shoulder at me. His lips were drawn into a soft pout as he gave me his best puppy dog eyes.

I grimaced, then sighed and caved to his childish desire.

He secured me by holding the backs of my thighs as I wrapped my limbs around him and laid my chin on his shoulder. He stood upright and started walking. I giggled as he struggled with yhe doorknob.

Just as I was going to suggest he set me down, he knocked on the door. With his forehead. Twice.

"Forty!" He called. I was outright laughing now at his antics.

Purrs left his wo-- Arsen via Coal as my laughter surrounded us. Forty opened the door, looking rather amused himself and Coal stepped past him.

"Thank you, Forty," I giggled, smiling cheekily at the large guard.

He winked, "anything for you, princess."

"Watch it, buddy," Coal snapped growling lowly, "it's 'Queen' not 'Princess'."

Forty's lips burst into a wide wolfy grin and he started to whisper to Liam who stood opposite to him as Coal pressed the elevator button with his foot.

I clung to my mate, and placed soft kisses along his neck as we rode the elevator down to the ground floor.

He groaned, "Goddess, Rae. You're killing me," he leaned his head back into my shoulder and craned his neck so I had better access to it.

"Mhm," I hummed as I kissed his neck again. They were all close mouth pecks, but his body shuddered underneath the contact nonetheless. I loved the way he reacted to my touch almost as much as I loved touching him.

The doors opened and he sighed before heading out to the kitchen. I chuckled as I ceased kissing him.

"Killin' me," he mumbled under his breath.

The beastly parts of me puffed up in pride at this, and if it could have a form seperate from me in my mind it would have been preening.

He kicked the doors open gently and then crossed to set me on the counter quickly.

He bustled around the kitchen chaotically. Nothing like the calculated grace that Annalise carried as she cooked. He made a bit of a show with every small act of retrieving an ingredient. I giggled as he flipped the cups in the air haphazardly. Of course, they both broke.

He cursed, and I laughed as he scrambled to clean up the mess.

"Oh Goddess," he grimaced as he swept the shards up, "stop laughing! Annalise is gonna be pissed at me," he whimpered, looking at the broken glass desperately.

I tried to stifle my laughter but was unable to in the face of his unbridled theatrics.

"Just finish making the tea, Coal," I managed between laughs.

He slid the full dustpan into the garbage then replaced the cleaning equiment and faced me with his arms folded over his chest. His eyes were red and he looked tired. It sparked a pang of guilt in my chest.

"I can't make you tea anymore if Annalise kills me for breaking her good mugs," he frowned.

I giggled and waved him over. He stood to the side of my legs while facing me.

I took his face in my hands and kissed him softly, "finish making us tea, wolfman."

A slow smile took over his features and he nodded before continuing with the task at hand.

"Chamomile?" He asked holding up three different boxes of three different kinds of tea.

I nodded and he discarded two of the boxes.

"What kept you up?" He asked as he worked on the two (unbroken) mugs of steeping tea.

I sighed, "nothing serious."

"Really?" He raised an incredulous eyebrow.

I frowned, "I hate that you know me."

He gave me a half-hearted smile, "tell me what's wrong, Rae. I wanna know."

I swallowed harshly. He said that now, but I knew when the words left my mouth he and his canine counterpart would be rolling in fury.

"Are you sure?" I asked tentatively.

With a nod, he added sweetener to the tea.

I sighed, "I can't sleep with... with so much distance between him and I. I hate it. I hate it so much." I breathed the words quietly into the dimly lit kitchen. My gaze trained on my hands in my lap and I frowned at the feeling of tears springing to my eyes. "And I feel so bad for it. That even in your arms, surrounded by the safety you provide me, my mind is lingering on *him*. On where he is. On if he's okay. I hate that I care and I hate this stupid fucking mark for making me care."

A mug of steaming tea cut off my line of sight from my hands. I raised my gaze to look my mate in the eyes. I expected to see pity and rage in his gaze, but all I saw was understanding.

"We'll move to the ground floor first thing tomorrow." He said softly, taking a drink from his own mug of tea.

I frowned, "we do--"

He shook his head and looked at the other mug in his hand still directed toward me.

I took it from him as I awaited his words.

"I love you, Raegan. Where you go, I go. What you need, I need. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you. Including moving rooms until we can figure this out."

My heart fluttered in my chest, and I smiled gratefully at him as he cupped my cheek with his now empty hand.

There weren't many things I was sure of, not anymore. But him. This. Us. I was one hundred and ten percent sure of that.