Chapter 63 Not interested
SOMA
Things are a bit awkward the next morning when Jade shows up to my room. This time, I’m the quiet one. I don’t ask if she will join me for class today, and she doesn’t mention it.
The morning air hits my face as I exit the building. I walk for a few minutes before I see students. Some discuss in pairs, but only a few are alone. I tighten my grip on my bag straps, refusing to think of what I saw yesterday.
But when I reach the Class 1 building, Helga is waiting at the door. I don’t know what she wants to say, and I don’t want to hear it, but she’s blocking my entrance into the class.
“Hi,” Helga whispers when I’m close. Her mouth opens and closes twice, and she has the decency to look guilty. “Look, I like Prince Brynne. So, of course, when he asked me to do him a favor, I agreed. Everyone knows he didn’t want you as his Luna. That you two hate each other.”
Her words slice through the fragile walls around my heart, and my eyes threaten to leak. I sink my nails into my palms to feel something beyond this hurt. It’s only now that I realize how much I’ve come to appreciate our friendship. But to her, it was only a means to an end.
“What was the favor?” I whisper.
“Huh?” she mutters, as if shocked I’m speaking to her. My lips part, but she continues before I speak. “He asked me to monitor you, but I didn’t expect to actually like you.”
The pieces fall into place, and a bitter smile curls my lips. The first time I saw her was in the lobby of the administrative building. Brynne was there. She gave me a tour, even read my schedule to show me to my classes.
“Have you been reporting all my moves to him?” I ask. The answer is obvious, but she says nothing, and that irritates me. Still, I remain calm. “Did he know about Jade’s disappearance? About my schedule?”
Helga stays quiet, but her silence is all the answer I need. When I scoff, she finally whispers, “I’m sorry, Dee. But think about it. I’ve never hurt you. Everything I did and whatever I said was genuine.”
First Sienna, then her. The only girls I thought I could trust. Her betrayal hurts more because she held me when I was down. She spoon-fed me, held me under the blanket, and encouraged me. Followed me to look for Jade, and all that time, she was only by my side because of a favor? Because she wanted to get into Brynne’s good graces?
Maybe I’m not destined to have friends in this life.
“If Prince Brynne asks you to hurt me, will you?” I whisper. She looks away, and my heart breaks even more. “You think it’s until you inflict injuries or hit me before it will be considered hurting me?” At least physical blows will heal, but this? No explanation can fix what’s broken already. I take a deep breath and ask, “What do you want? Why are you here?”
“Look, Dee. I didn’t expect to actually like you,” she utters weakly. As if that changes anything. I place a hand on my waist, and she clears her throat. When she spares me a glance, her eyes have gone soft. Too bad it won’t work on me. “Can we still be friends?”
She reaches for my hand, and I snatch it out of reach. A sad smile splits her lips, and I force myself not to pity her. A part of me still wishes for things to return to normal, but the other part can never forgive her for what she did.
“Dee, I already told him I can’t do it anymore,” she says. “Believe it or not, I’ve wanted to tell you.”
“Good for you and him. But I’m not interested in being friends with you anymore,” I mutter. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get to class.”
Helga steps aside, and I enter the class. Everywhere falls silent. Even Maeve, who’s always loud, is quiet. I’m not sure if they overheard our conversation or to what extent they did, but I avoid their gazes and sink into the last row.
This is only my third week here, but Shadowspire Royal Academy has already taught me a great deal. No one truly cares. People only respect you when they fear you. Most of the people who stick with you want something. I used to think kindness and niceness could get me far, but I’ve been proved wrong. Maybe it’s better to have people fear me. To have them do my bidding out of fear. At least their roles will be clear from the start.
Our lecturer walks in, and I retrieve my textbook from my backpack. Halfway through the class, I feel eyes on me. I try to ignore it as much as I can, but when I finally glance up, Sienna is staring at me. She doesn’t bother hiding it. Of course, she won’t. She knows I can’t do anything to her, even if she hurts me.
What does she want? Is she also a spy for Brynne?
Classes pass in a blur. Soon, it’s lunch hour. Everyone but Sienna leaves. I don’t say a word to her. But as I’m about to leave, her voice interrupts me.
“Soma. I’m eating at the cafeteria today. Want to sit with me?”
Without looking at her, I answer, “Not interested.”
And then, I walk out, torn between heading back to the house for lunch or continuing to the cafeteria. I choose the latter. I can’t continue to let others dictate my life. They wanted backbone, right? Cool, I’ll give them that, even if it means living like an outcast.
No friends. No family.
The cafeteria buzzes with various sounds as everyone enjoys the break from class. Awareness prickles on my skin, like someone is watching me. I almost falter when I see the Rybak brothers at a table in the corner.
Why are they here today?
Brynne has a book in front of him, while Kade glares at his tray. Tristan watches me, his fingers curled on the table, like he’s imagining them around my neck.
Yesterday’s threat and Jade’s confession play in my head, and I try not to shrink. It’s leverage I can use against him, but given how much I care about Jade, I doubt I’ll do that. She deserves better, but what can be better than having a prince who cares about you?
Tearing my eyes away from his, I head to the food table and charge straight for the front, ignoring the line. A few voices rise in protest, and I cut them a look that silences them. Some pale while others look away.
All of them seem to have forgotten who I am, and it’s because I allowed it. I am Lady Somadina, not a toy. But telling myself that doesn’t ease the knot that builds in my throat. I don’t want to be an oppressor, but nothing good has ever come out of my kindness.
Once I have my meal tray, I scan the area for the perfect spot. Most of the tables are occupied, except for one in the corner with only one person. As soon as I sit, he scurries off so fast I shake my head. Good riddance.
Who wants to sit beside someone who’ll be buzzing with fear? Tuning out the noise, I dig into my lunch, but the peace and quiet doesn’t last.