Chapter 181: All alone
Chapter 181: All alone
Ruelle’s POV
“We need to leave”. Carlos tells me, several days after my tantrum over Thess’s death. I fight the urge to totally ignore him, but I also cannot deny that I am curious as to what he means.
“Leave where?” I respond, barely looking up from the food I am eating. I hear his deep sigh and assume he has probably picked up on the attitude.
I was pissed the day Thess died. I have been pissed ever since but now? Now, I am fucking livid. Too livid to care about what my actions may seem like to others.
I am frankly sick and fucking tired of sitting around and waiting for my life to bend at the whims of someone else.
“We need to leave this cabin.” Carlos says, his voice low and patient. My eyes fall shut. It is not his fault. Not in any way. And I am not meant to be upset with him. He is just at the end of my annoyance right now because he happens to be the closest to my darling husband.
“Where is Thorne?” I ask, ignoring his statement.
“He is preparing for the next brawl.”
I let out a humorless laugh, my fork falling against my plate with a loud clanking sound. I turn to Carlos, who as usual, has that unbothered look on his face that makes me wonder if he ever breaks a sweat at anything.
“And what am I supposed to do?” I spread my hands out and let them fall back, my nostrils flaring. “Is he aware my sister just died?”
I may be slightly insensitive with my stand point, but in my defense, this is fucking painful. I have no one here with me. No fucking one.
Or… no one that matters anyway. And this may or may not be the most insignificant part but I am fucking heavily pregnant. I am about to lose my mind in this roller coaster that is called my life. Thorne is too busy fighting the brawl and a part of me knows that I cannot blame him for it but I just believe deep in my heart that he should be here with me. I need him here with me.
“Yes, he received the news with an immeasurable amount of sorrow, my lady”. Carlos says, still straight faced and I roll my eyes at the amount of sarcasm in his tone. The man is not even bothered enough to pretend to care. And I know for a fact that Thorne felt absolutely no sorrow whatsoever concerning Thessa’s death. If he did then it was definitely in commiseration with how I would feel. But he felt nothing but indifference for Thess, which later transitioned into hatred after what she did.
I push back in my seat and rise to my feet, turning to face him. “Where are we going?”
“It isn’t a far distance from here, my lady.” He responds, and he says ‘my lady’ as though he is speaking to a child and not someone who should be superior to him.
“You can call me Ruelle”. I tell him, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.
His brows come up. Slightly. “I know that. But I am fine with my lady.”
I roll my eyes with another shrug. “Whatever. Would Thorne be there? This place we are going”. It is obvious that he doesn’t want to tell me exactly where that is and I am too out of it to bother him for it.
“It was his wish. However, he couldn’t make it.”
I try to ignore the pang in my chest at his words, but it simply continues to spread. I go in to freshen up before following him out the door of the cabin, Morra in tow.
I frown when I step out of the cabin and don’t see a carriage. Carlos just starts walking ahead, leaving me to my confusion. That doesn’t stop me from asking,
“How are we getting there?” I call out to him and he stops, looking back.
“Like I said, it is perfectly within walking distance.”
I motion towards my stomach to him and he shuts his eyes in a slow blink. I marvel at the character that this man is. Rolling my eyes, like I am increasingly inclined to do around him, I throw my hands in the air and start on my foot, following after him. He turns forward and continues walking, not another word uttered from him.
He wasn’t wrong when he said it was within walking distance because not more than five minutes later, we are approaching a smaller clearing in the woods that looks like a resting point during a hunt. A few people are gathered in the clearing, facing away from us. But their long hairs draping down their backs tell me they are women.
I am only seeing them from so far, but the moment I come closer, my heart falls to my stomach as the realization of who they are dawns on me. Mama is the first to turn around, and as soon as she sees me, her hands fly to her chest. Valka and Seren stand beside her, also turning to watch me approach.
“Oh dear goddess, you are one heavy woman now!” Mama exclaims, her eyes landing on my stomach as she starts towards me. Tears are already running down my face as I walk right into her open arms, my eyes shut tightly as I revel in the feeling of her arms around me. She holds me tightly, for God knows how long, before releasing me. Valka pulls me into her arms next, her own eyes glassy as well. Seren holds my hand and gives me a warm squeeze, a small smile on her face.
“Your husband had us come see you. Although we aren’t staying long.” Valka tells me, studying me.
“Are you okay?” Mama asks me, her hand resting on my shoulder and as I stare at them, a dreadful thought crosses my mind.
Do they… know?
Oh God. If they don’t know then I would hate to be the one who breaks it to them and definitely not like this.
“We know. We heard the news.” Valka tells me, reading my mind. I watch all three of their faces to see the looks on them. Maybe a trace of something that might reveal if they blame me for it.
“How are you holding up?” Is the next question Mama asks me and I give her a shaky nod. It doesn’t look like she blames me.
“I’m okay, mama…”. My words trail off, and I press my lips together till they start to tremble. I only last a few seconds before falling apart. My body violently shakes with uncontrollable sobs. Mama’s hands reach for me first, pulling me into her. “I’m so sorry!” I wail, my eyes tightly shut as my hands wrap around Mama’s frame.
I don’t know for how long she holds me and lets me cry, but when she pulls back, her next words are what I have been trying to convince myself for the past week.
“This is not your fault.”