Chapter 180: Guilty
Chapter 180: Guilty
Ruelle’s POV
“Where the hell is he?!” I yell at the guard who is still yet to bring me news of Thorne’s arrival. “What do you mean he still isn’t here?!”
He regards me with a look so pitiful, it fills me with the urge to poke his eyes and gauge them out. Then he lowers his head yet again. I clench my fist to control my rage. But my next words still come out in a roar.
“I’m talking to you!”
“My lady…” Morra interjects but I pay her no attention, taking a step closer to the guard.
“I asked you a question. Where is he?” I mumble in his face now.
“I don’t…”. He stammer, searching for the words. “I don’t know my lady… he doesn’t look like he is coming”
I have the urge to pull my hair out, but I am too busy clenching and unclenching my fists to control the violent tremble in my body.
That is a lie. There is no way Thorne knows that Thess is dead and has refused to come see me. I am about to loose my mind. I am GOING to loose my mind and he knows this.
“According to the report, the lady had been trying to eat the wild herbs in the woods on multiple occasions. And once she got access she… ate the herbs”. The guard’s words replays in my mind over and over, and even now, several hours later, I am yet to come down from the shock of hearing it.
I stagger over to the couch on wobbly feet, my body and soul weak and tired. Morra helps me down unto the couch and as soon as my butt touches it, a violent sob wrecks through me.
The last thing I expected to hear was that Thessa killed herself. I remember what she did to me. I don’t think I could ever forget it even, but it was never my intention for things to end this way. And right now, if I am being completely honest with myself, I am more broken at the fact that Thorne isn’t present with me at a time like this than I am over anything else.
“Does my mama know?” I direct to no body in particular, my throat thick with tears and mucus. “Is she coming?”
“I think Alpha Thorne would have sent word by now” The guard tells me cautiously. “And should also be making preparations for her coming.”
Feeling too weak to ask more questions, I manage to lift myself off the couch and waddle towards the room. Morra follows me closely behind, and I am too weak to tell her that I would prefer to be alone, so I let her come.
I settle by the edge of the bed, my hands folded in my lap. My eyes are dry now, as though they have become incapable of producing more tears. I must have shed tears past my limits with all the crying I did this past week.
“Why does it feel like my fault?” I voice out, my voice as small as I feel in this moment and my eyes trained on the carpet. “I can’t face my mama. I think it’s my fault.”
“No my lady, it’s not. It is not your fault. And I’m sure the Luna is well aware of that.” Morra squats beside me and places her palm over mine, consoling me.
I give her a small smile, despite not being convinced even in the slightest. The hole in my chest is only getting bigger and deeper, to the point that my chest aches physically when certain thoughts cross my mind.
My hand instinctively comes up to my chest and fists the neckline of my dress, rubbing on my chest with my fists. I hope I can believe it one day.
That this is really not my fault.