Chapter 17 The Cost of Healing

Chapter 17 The Cost of Healing
Clara's POV

"Get out!"

The roar comes from Kael's study, followed by the crash of something heavy hitting the wall. I pause outside the door, my hand raised to knock.

Another crash. Glass shattering. Then a sound that might be a bookshelf falling over.

I open the door without knocking.

The study looks like a war zone. Books scattered across the floor. His desk overturned. One of the expensive leather chairs has been thrown through the window, and cold air pours into the room.

Kael stands in the middle of the destruction, chest heaving. Blood drips from his knuckles where he punched the stone wall. His silver eyes are wild, more wolf than man.

"I said get out," he growls without looking at me.

"No."

He spins toward me, and for a second I think he might actually throw me out. But then something in his expression breaks, and I see the man beneath the rage.

"I can't find them," he says, his voice rough. "We've questioned everyone. Checked backgrounds. Monitored communications. Whoever the traitor is, they're too well hidden."

"You'll find them."

"How?" He kicks at a broken lamp, sending pieces skittering across the floor. "What if they're someone I'd never suspect? Someone I've known for years? How do I fight an enemy I can't see?"

I step carefully through the mess to reach him. "You keep looking. You keep protecting the pack. And you don't let paranoia destroy what you've built."

"Easy for you to say. You're not responsible for two hundred lives."

The words sting, but I push past them. "You're bleeding."

He looks down at his hands like he's surprised to see them damaged. "It'll heal."

"Let me help."

"Clara…"

"Sit down and let me help you."

Something in my tone must convince him because he sinks onto the one chair that's still upright. I kneel in front of him and take his hands in mine.

The wounds aren't deep, but his knuckles are raw from hitting stone. I can see bone in a few places.

"You need to stop destroying your own house," I say, trying for lightness.

"I need to stop failing everyone."

"You're not failing. You're dealing with an impossible situation."

"I'm the Alpha. There are no impossible situations. Just ones I'm not strong enough to handle."

I press my palms against his damaged hands. The bond flares immediately, hot and bright. Power flows from me to him, and I watch as the wounds begin to close.

But this time, something feels different.

The healing hurts. Not him… me. It's like someone's pulling energy directly from my chest, yanking it out through an open wound. My vision blurs, and I sway slightly.

"Clara?" Kael's voice sounds distant.

"I'm fine," I lie.

The wounds continue healing. Skin knits back together, bones reset themselves. But with each second, I feel weaker. Emptier. Like I'm pouring myself into him and there's nothing left to refill the space.

When his hands are finally healed, I pull away and stand too quickly. The room spins.

"Whoa." Kael catches me before I fall. "What's wrong?"

"Just dizzy. I stood up too fast."

But we both know that's not true. I can see the realization dawning in his eyes as he looks at me. Really looks at me.

"You're paler than usual," he says slowly. "And you've lost weight."

"It's stress. Everything that's been happening…"

"The bond is draining you." It's not a question. "Healing me is killing you faster."

I don't have the energy to argue. My legs feel like water, and I lean against him because standing on my own seems impossible right now.

He lifts me easily and carries me to his bedroom. The destruction from his rage doesn't extend here… everything is neat, untouched. He lays me on his bed like I might break.

"How long has this been happening?" he demands.

"I don't know. Maybe a few days?"

"And you didn't tell me?"

"You had enough to worry about." I close my eyes, exhausted. "It's not that bad."

"Not that bad? Clara, you can barely stand!"

"I just need to rest. I'll be fine."

But I can feel through the bond that I'm lying. Each time I heal him, it takes more from me. Like the book said… for every life I give, I lose part of my own.

The curse is weakening. I can feel it. Kael's wounds heal faster now, the bond between us grows stronger. But that strength comes at a price.

My life force. My energy. Me.

Kael sits on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. "This has to stop."

"What has to stop?"

"This. Us. The bond." He looks at me with such pain it breaks my heart. "I can't watch you waste away like the others. I won't."

"You don't get to make that choice alone."

"Like hell I don't. I'm killing you, Clara. Every time you touch me, every time you heal me, you're dying a little more."

"Then don't get hurt."

"That's not how this works!" He stands, pacing like a caged animal. "I'm Alpha. I fight. I protect. I get injured. And every time I do, you'll try to heal me because that's who you are. And each time, you'll give away more of yourself until there's nothing left."

Tears burn my eyes. "So what? You want to break the bond? Send me away?"

"I want you to live."

"Maybe I don't want to live without you."

The words hang between us, raw and honest. His face crumples, and I see my own pain reflected in his eyes.

"You can't mean that," he whispers.

"Why?" I sit up, ignoring how the room tilts. "Kael, I've spent my whole life being careful. Being practical. Choosing the safe path. And where did it get me? Engaged to a man who didn't love me. Living a life that felt like watching from the sidelines."

"At least you were alive."

"Kael? Because I don't think I really started living until that night in the alley. Until I met you."

He crosses back to the bed and kneels in front of me. "Clara, please. I'm begging you. Let me find a way to break this bond safely. Let me save you."

"What if I don't want to be saved?"

"Then you're a fool."

"Then that's it." I cup his face in my hands, feeling the bond pulse between us. Weaker now, after healing him, but still there. Still connecting us. "But I'm your fool. And I'm not going anywhere."

"You're going to die."

"Eventually, yes. Everyone does."

"Don't joke about this."

"I'm not joking." I lean my forehead against his. "I'm scared, Kael. Terrified, actually. But I'd rather have six months with you than sixty years with someone else. Don't you understand that?"

"No." His voice breaks. "I don't. Because I'm selfish enough to want both… you alive and you with me. And I can't have both."

We stay like that, holding each other, while the truth settles around us. The bond is killing me. Each healing drains me more.

"Promise me something," Kael says finally.

"What?"

"If it gets too bad. If you're suffering the way Jessica did at the end. Promise you'll tell me. Promise you'll let me end it quickly instead of making you suffer."

The request makes me go cold. "You're asking me to let you kill me?"

"I'm asking you to let me spare you pain if it comes to that."

I should refuse. Should tell him I'd never ask that of him. But I remember the journal entries about Jessica begging for death, about the madness that took her at the end.

"I promise," I whisper. "But only if you promise something too."

"Anything."

"Promise you won't give up. That you'll keep fighting to break the curse until the very end."

"Clara…"

"Promise me, Kael. Because if I'm going to die for this bond, I want to know it meant something. That we tried everything."

He pulls me close, and I feel wetness against my neck. He's crying again, this proud Alpha who never shows weakness.

"I promise," he says. "I'll fight until there's nothing left to fight with."

We hold each other as exhaustion pulls me under. My last thought before sleep takes me is that loving Kael might be the death of me.

But at least I'll die having really lived.