CHAPTER 42

Maya's POV

The chilly wind of late afternoon rippled the sea of green as it blew through the forest. The ground under me was solid and immobile as I stood on the edge of the clearing. But on the inside, I felt like I was breaking down fragmented, brittle.

I kept thinking about Evelyn’s words: “You need to find your strength. You can't keep letting your past define you."

But what if there was no way out? What if my past had already shaped me into something I couldn’t control, something that could never be put back together again?

I tried to center myself by closing my eyes, but the memories returned too quickly and painfully.

Standing in the ruins of what had been home, I felt like a child once more. My parents, the only people who had ever truly loved me, had been ripped away from me in an instant.

I had been forced to run, to survive, to become something I never wanted to be. A rogue.

A shadow.

“Maya?”

The voice behind me stunned me, and I jumped. When I glanced around, I saw Evelyn standing a few steps away with a worried expression.

She whispered, “Are you okay?” as she looked over my face.

I forced the memories away with a forceful swallow. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

Her eyes narrowed as she took a step closer. “You don’t look fine. You look like you’re about to break.”

I refused to cry in front of her, so I shook my head. I reiterated, “I’m fine,” but my voice lacked the conviction I had hoped for.

Evelyn’s gaze grew softer. “Maya, you’re not fine. And you don’t have to pretend to be.”

I was no longer able to maintain the façade. Everything was too much to bear, including the death of my parents, the betrayal of those I trusted, and the void left by the absence of love in my chest. And Darius… God, Darius. His absence was a wound that I wasn’t sure I could ever heal from.

“I'm scared Evelyn,” I confessed, letting the words escape my lips before I could stop them. “I have no idea what I’m turning into. I no longer know who I am.”

She didn’t respond immediately, which allowed me to move on.I thought I could fight. I thought I could be strong, but every time I try, I end up hurting. And now I feel like I’m losing myself. Losing him…”

My voice broke, and the tears I had been fighting to contain finally came out. I could no longer control the emotion as it swept through me like a tidal wave.

I embraced Evelyn as she stepped forward and put her arms around me. I sobbed in ragged gasps as I buried my face in her shoulder.

Her voice was steady but soft as she said, “Hey.” “You don’t have to carry all of this on your own. You don’t have to hide your pain. It’s okay to feel it.”

My body was shaking from the weight of all I had been carrying for so long, so I clutched to her. The years of mourning. The terror. The loneliness. In a flash, everything came tumbling down on me.

“Why am I so afraid, Evelyn?” I asked between sobs. “Why can’t I just… be okay?”

She didn’t respond right away. Instead, she soothed me as best she could by running a hand through my hair. “Because you’ve been running for a very long time, Maya. Running away from oneself, from the past. It feels like everything is catching up to you now that you’re finally slowing down.”

I drew away from her a little and used my hand to wipe my face. “What if I’m not strong enough?”

Her voice gained a gentle power, and her eyes softened. “You are. All you have to do is believe it.”

The bitterness rose in my throat as I shook my head. “How can I believe in myself when I can’t even remember who I was before all of this? When all I know is loss and pain?”

Evelyn’s eyes grew intense, and I briefly saw a glimpse of a violent spark in them. “Maya, you’re still the same person you were before. The same girl who survived, who fought. You’re not defined by your pain. You’re defined by how you overcome it. And right now, you need to choose.”

“Choose what?” My voice was raw as I asked.

“Choose to fight,” she murmured, sounding like a rallying cry. “To take control of your life again. To stop being afraid of what you might become and start embracing who you are.”

I wished to trust her, yes, I did. But the fear—God, the fear was suffocating. I had seen what the Phantom Pack was capable of, and I knew they were only a shadow of what could come. There was a part of me that was terrified of the power I could wield, the power that had started to stir within me ever since I’d awakened.

What if I couldn’t control it? What if I became something worse than the monsters I had spent my life running from?

And then there was Darius…

Then I remembered how he had looked at me before everything had fallen apart. His touch had given me the impression that I was more than a rogue or a survivor. I had thought he saw me, really saw me. But now, I wasn’t so sure.

I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

My daydream was interrupted by the sound of footsteps, and when I looked up, I saw Caleb standing at the edge of the clearing once again

. Despite his serious demeanor, his posture exuded a silent strength.

“Maya?” he said quietly as he moved in my direction.

I cleaned my face quickly so he wouldn’t know I was crying.

“Caleb, what is it?” I tried to grin as I asked.

He paused for a second, looking into my eyes. “I don’t want to bother you. But… I just wanted to say thank you again. For saving me. For being strong.”

His words caused my heart to swell. “You’re welcome, Caleb. But I’m not always strong.”

“You are,” he asserted. “You’re the strongest person I know. I know it. Everyone knows it.”

I gave him a smile, but it didn’t feel genuine. When I was crumbling on the inside, how could I be strong?

“I have to go,”Caleb abruptly remarked, and turned to walk away. “But I wanted you to know, Maya, that I have faith in you.”

His words hung in the air like a promise as I watched him vanish into the trees.

Evelyn moved and stood next to me, her eyes gentle yet focused. “He’s right, you know. You have the strength. You just have to trust it.”

I wished to trust her. I wanted to trust that I could handle what was coming, that I could stand tall when the Phantom Pack came for us again, when Darius… when Darius returned.

But the doubt—the fear—was always there. I didn’t know if I was strong enough for this fight.

I didn’t know if I was strong enough for myself.

And with the world weighing heavily on my shoulders, I stood at the edge of the forest.

The fear I had kept buried deep inside me was starting to claw its way out, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for what it might bring.